A Winter's Ball - Pete Davidson

five

TW: This chapter will talk about Pete's suicidal post that he made in December 2018. There will be a page break before that, but I know I skip page breaks when I'm reading other fanfics. Because his Instagram post is public, I decided not to include it. I know I say this a lot but don't forget that you are loved ❤️️

It was the last SNL taping of 2018, and the last taping before Christmas. Renée was excited. They would be on "winter break" for almost a month, and she would be wrapping up her first year of being part of the cast.

Even though everything seemed to be going along swimmingly, something didn't feel right. She had a sinking feeling in her gut since she had woken up, but she couldn't point to a clear explanation for it. Everyone in her circle was doing well, and she didn't expect a response from Pete for another few hours. 

She was ready for work by 8 in the morning, and she left about 15 minutes later. She didn't have to be at 30 Rock until noon, so she used her time to take care of grocery shopping and other things. Her phone was on vibrate in her bag the whole time. She was at The Strand when she felt her phone start to go off. It was audible because the section that she was in was pretty quiet as it was. Colin's name and picture came up as she grabbed her phone from her bag, and she answered the call.

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"Hey, Colin. I'll be there in a few."

"Renée, where are you right now?" He asked.

"I'm at The Strand Bookstore. Why? Colin, you sound freaked out. Is everything okay?"

"Get here now. Don't check social media. I'll meet you in the lobby. Bye."

Her heart rate accelerated and she debated getting an Uber. She decided not to, because 30 Rock was only a few minutes away and she could walk there if it was needed. When she saw Colin in the lobby and saw how concerned he looked, her heart sank. It had to have been something to do with Pete because John was standing there, too.

When they explained to her what the situation was, she was surprised that she didn't collapse right in front of them. She was sweating from the anxiety, so she threw her coat and bag in Colin's arms and sat on the floor. John was trying to comfort her but she was more focused on trying not to cry. It felt like the longest elevator ride of her life, and she felt like her soul left her body when she leaped up and bolted to Pete's dressing room when the doors opened.

He didn't seem bothered or startled that someone practically threw the door off of its hinges. He was hunched over a counter with his face in his hands. The only thing that made him look up was hearing Renée let out a guttural sob.

She rushed over to Pete and sat on his lap to give him a better hug.

"You scared me pretty bad. Don't ever do that again."

"Everything is okay. I'm okay."

"You're obviously not if you post disturbing shit like that. What's going on?"

"I've been getting bullied by basically everyone. I can't even blink without people saying shit about how I look. They don't know how much it hurts me. There are people who are trying to be supportive, but the hate outshines the love. I've always been picked on for my looks but it got worse after Ariana."

"Even if you can't always see it, you are so loved. It breaks my heart to see you go through this stuff because I love you. Come here. I want you to breathe with me, okay? It might help."

They sat on the floor with their foreheads connected. They took multiple breaths together before Renée started to cry again. Pete gave her a hug that made both of them lay on the floor. Normally, Renée would've been opposed to laying on the floor unless she lived in the environment, but this was the exception. Time seemed to slow down when they were laying together.