A Winter's Ball - Pete Davidson

twenty three

TW: Panic attack.

Renée had only felt this horrible once in her life, and that was after her parents passed away. It was Friday, and everyone was running rehearsals for the sketches that would be featured in the episode that would be filmed the next night. It seemed like her anxiety was the worst that it had ever been. All she wanted to do was sit on the floor and cry. 

"Rehearsal for your sketch starts in about 15 minutes. Hey, you okay?" Kate asked Renée. Renée shook her head in response and Kate sat down next to her.

"I feel like I'm gonna die. This is my first show that my parents won't call me after. I know that I've had like 2 and a half months to get used to it but it's just hard because I loved them so much and the conversations that we had on Sunday mornings or afternoons were always the best. I feel awful. Like I can't eat anything because I feel so nauseous but we got the negative COVID test so that's not the problem. My coping mechanisms picked this moment right now to fail on me."

"It's probably because of all of these life changes. You're getting married soon and this is our first show back since COVID. I can go get someone if you want."

"Yeah, that would be nice."

"Okay. I'll be back soon, I promise."

Renée was alone for ten minutes. That was all it took for her to be laying on the floor of her dressing room in tears. She heard the door open and assumed that more than one person walked in as it took a little longer to close.

"Renée? It's Colin. I'm here and I brought Pete. Are you okay?"

"No. I just need Pete, okay? My rehearsal is in like five minutes so can you talk to Lorne for me? Just get it done," she said. Colin nodded his head and left the room, leaving her with Pete. When she looked up at him, his heart sank and he instantly sat in front of her.

"Hey, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, okay?" Pete asked. She nodded her head and wrapped her arms around him.

"I was so scared. Kate left for a few minutes and I don't know what happened. I've been feeling weird all week and I feel bad that I didn't tell you but I wasn't too worried about it until now. I felt like I was gonna die."

"You're not gonna die. I can call Marc if you want."

"Don't. He's got a lot on his plate with the Marvel stuff in a few months and I don't want him to be more worried. But please don't be mad that I didn't tell you. I thought that my coping mechanisms were working and I guess they weren't."

"Hey, it's not your fault. I'm not mad at you. But if you're ever feeling like this again, you know you can let me know. Your mental health is important."

"Okay."

They were interrupted from another knock on the door. It was Lorne.

"You guys can head home early if you want. We'll figure out the scheduling stuff for tomorrow but for now, go home and get some rest. I'm serious."

Pete helped Renée get up and he grabbed her bag. They walked out to her car without being bothered. Even though they drove separately, Pete drove her home in the Tesla. He occasionally glanced over to make sure that she was doing okay before making a stop at a gas station.

She almost cried when he walked back to the car with a few pints of her favorite ice cream in hand. When they made it back to the house, she sent a few "made it home okay" texts to her friends. Pete helped her get ready for bed and they laid on the couch, watching season 4 of Riverdale together.

The ridiculousness of the second episode made both of them laugh.

"Wait, so Alice was undercover? Are they gonna die? Why does Chad Michael Murray look like Evel Knievel? What the fuck is happening?"

"This show is a trainwreck. I love it."

"You love to make fun of it."

"Same difference."

The rehearsal for her sketch was the next afternoon, and she was feeling better about it. They walked into 30 Rock and Renée started to get ready for her rehearsal when she heard a song from Hamilton playing near the stage.

"Come on. You be Angelica, I'll be Eliza, and Melissa will be Peggy!" Kate said. Renée couldn't help but smile as she was dragged to the stage for the song. She almost broke character when Chris Redd as Aaron Burr joined in on the fun.

She felt like she was ready to tape the episode after that. It went over well, and even though her mental health wasn't where she wanted it to be, she felt better that she had come out of something terrible.

A/N: I wrote the panic attack from my personal experience. Anxiety sucks.