The Centre - a Home for Fox (bxb+/poly)

17. Shell of a Man

🦊 F O X 🦊

As I led Zane out of my room and down the hallway to the stairs, I was wrought with emotions. It felt as though we were walking to our execution. Even though I know that whatever he has to say, the boys will still support him. Jeez, they supported Bryce when told them that he thought he murdered someone. Unless Zane is a freakin' serial killer, they wouldn't show him anything but kindness and acceptance.

I was more worried for Zane. He's currently walking beside me. Sure footed, even breathing, steady hand, when I know he's freaking out on the inside.

He squeezed my hand as we made it down the staircase. "Relax, Fox."

Me relax? Damn, I didn't even realize that I was half way to hyperventilating. Pull it together Fox, you idiot! This is about Zane, not you!

We stopped in front of the movie room's door. I took a deep breath in and smiled at him, "Sorry, I'm just a little anx..." I stopped myself, shaking my head and smirking, "I'm just thinking of jumping your bones later tonight."

"Oh yeah?" His brow raised.

I nodded my head, "yeah."

"Can't wait." He brought my hand up and kissed my knuckles while staring into my eyes.

I felt my face heat up as my prick twitched. Oh my god...this night better work out. He's got me leaking for him by eye contact alone!

"Ahem..." someone cleared their throat, "what's going on here?"

Oh shit.

My eyes flicked over to Bryce, he was leaning against the opened door frame, arms crossed with a questioning look in his eyes.

I looked down at our feet.

"I've got something to say...to everyone." Zane forced out.

Bryce slowly stepped back to let us through. Zane held my hand tighter and stepped in the room. 'You Ok?' Bryce mouthed to me, I nodded my head with a small smile. 'I'm OK' I mouthed back.

Zane stood in front of the movie screen and cleared his throat. He let my hand slide out of his. I grabbed the remote and turned the movie off.

All eyes were on me.

"What's going on?" Vance questioned me while sitting up and nudging Fitz off of his lap.

"I have something to say," Zane spoke up. All eyes turned to him. I took a step towards him and he shook his head 'no' so I sat down on the floor in front of the couch and gave him a small smile, encouraging him to continue.

"Well..." his voice came out in a rasp, clearing his throat, "first, I want to say I'm sorry for the way I've acted in the past." His hand rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to do this." His eyes lowered to the floor.

"Just start from the beginning." Vance prompted.

And with that, Zane started to talk. Quietly and steadily.

"I've already told you about how my mother is gone and I was raised by my very strict, very religious father....well, I didn't tell you about one important part. Not even Wren know about this." His eyes shifted to Wren; then to me "Fox only knows because he saw something that I didn't want him to see. Something I've kept a secret for a very long time."

He swallowed thickly, then continued, "My father has been whipping me from a very early age. The first time was when I was six years old and stole a cookie before dinner. It was with a tree branch. My bed had to be made right when I woke up, breakfast at the table, homework done...good grades needed to be kept. If I didn't comply, I was whipped. Then when he found me kissing another boy, he broke out his leather whip, he especially liked to pay attention to my chest and stomach. I cried out louder when the whip connected there, it was if he was taking pleasure in my pain."

He took in a ragged breath, "I went through a point in time where I hated myself, was disgusted with my thoughts of other men. One day, my father wasn't home and I was actually wanting to get whipped. So I didn't have to think anymore. I only wanted to feel the pain." He let out a quiet sob. "So I went into his room and took the whip from inside his closet and self-flagellated. When he finally came home, there was blood sprayed everywhere. He gently brought me to my bed and cleaned me up, putting ointment on my back...I actually liked it. His attention and care."

Tears were escaping his eyes, falling down, over his lips and down off of his chin.

"This happened for years, off and on. Either he was whipping me or I was whipping myself....I haven't done it in years now, except, for the night I ran off. I went into the woods and found a long, thin switch and took out all my embarrassment and self loathing out on my back."

"No!" I cried out. "Did I do that?"

"No, no! Fox, it was me...only me!" He insisted. "You recognized me as the horrible asshole who beat your friend into unconsciousness and attempted to do the same to you. I didn't know how you would take it. I thought you would have told everyone, and I would come back to a lynch mob...but when I came back the next morning...you didn't, you didn't say anything." His voice wavering, "All you wanted to do was talk to me, and I ran! Like the sad human being that I am..."

"No your not! Your kind, beautiful, caring...so many other things that you don't give yourself credit for!" Wren called out. "Why didn't you tell me, Zane? We could've done something about it. I could've helped you!" His words coming out in sobs. Tears streaked his face.

"You're wrong, Wren. I'm not any of those things! I tortured kids who were the same as me! I was mean and harsh to everyone in this house! And I'm far from beautiful...I'm ugly, inside and out!"

"That was in your past, Zane."  Bryce's voice carried out over us. "You're not the same stupid kid as you were back then. You've changed, we all see it!" Everyone nodded and murmured their heads in agreement.

Shaking his head, "Some things can never be changed. Some things will stick with you forever...leaving you a shell of a person, mutilated and disgusting."

Reaching down, he slowly pulled the hem of his shirt up over his head.

Everyone gasped.

What? Oh my god....this wasn't what it looked like months ago when I saw his naked chest and back.

"Oh my god, Zane!" I whispered out, hand over mouth. "How?"