stay with me

Chapter 13

Grey:

He saw. He saw my scar. For the most part I'm always very aware of it and I'm able to keep it hidden but I was so wrapped up in seeing him and trying to remind myself that it is for the best that I leave him that I completely forgot about my scar.

Now he thinks I tried to kill myself. Great. I try to put a positive spin on it and tell myself that maybe this will be the thing that will make him walk away for good. If he didn't think I was broken before he definitely will now.

It bothers me though for him to believe that I tried to end my own life. That wasn't what I was trying to do. I wasn't in the right state of mind when I did what I did. I hadn't slept more than two to three hours a night for two months and I was still grieving. I didn't want to die.

I run all the way back to my apartment and I can feel the tears building and once again I'm crying for a reason other than my loss. It's strange. I go up to my room and I'm grateful that Sam isn't there. I gather my things and head into the shower and I let the tears fall. I sob over and over again my whole body shaking and I scrub at my skin because I feel dirty. Hunter's eyes keep flashing into my mind at the moment he saw my scar and it kills me every time. He's beautiful blue eyes grew wide and sad and scared like he couldn't believe what he saw.

I still don't feel completely clean once I get out of the shower but I have already rubbed my skin nearly raw. I have finally stopped crying however and when I look in the mirror my eyes are red and swollen. I go back to my room and I sit on my bed feeling completely defeated. I try to think of something to do to distract myself but I know what I need to do. For the first time since I lost Jason I take out my sketch pad and I grab a pencil and I draw. I know it is the only way I will get the image out. The only way I will be free of it.

When I'm done I look at my creation and see Hunter's blue eyes staring back at me and all the emotions I saw in them an hour ago. All the emotions that put another scar on my already shattered heart.

As I put my sketch pad away I realize how it felt good to draw again. I don't feel guilty like I thought I would and a small voice in the back of my mind says that's because he wants you to live, to be happy.

I hear a knock on the door and I jump up startled. I make my way to the door and when I open it I wish I hadn't because Hunter is standing on the other side. He looks gorgeous as usual. His hair is tousled and his face is beaded with sweat from his workout and I find that sexy for some reason.

"Hey" he says when I don't say anything.

"Hunter what are you doing here?" I ask trying to keep my voice even despite being flustered.

"I just . . . I just . . . can I come in?" he asks and he seems nervous. Desperate even.

"Sure" I say stepping aside.

He enters my apartment and begins pacing back and forth and I wonder what he is so worked up about. He is making me nervous.

"Hunter? Are you okay?" I ask quietly concerned.

"What happened to your wrist?" he demands gently as he comes to a stop in front of me.

I'm stunned. I don't know what to say. "Hunter . . ." I say stalling.

"Please" he pleads with me. His eyes are large and innocent and filled with concern.

"Okay" I say quietly after a moment. "Let's sit down." He follows me over to the couch and he sits across from me resting his elbows on his knees and his chin on his hands.

I debate where to start. If I tell him about my wrist does that me I have to tell him about Jason? It feels like I do. My story won't make much sense otherwise. I'm not ready for that though.