stay with me

Chapter 2

Grey:

It's Friday and I don't have classes today but I'm still up before the sun. It's not because I enjoy getting up early. If it were up to me I'd still be asleep but the nightmares prevent me from sleeping for more than four or five hours a night. I think about taking some sleeping pills and attempting going back to sleep but I decide against it. I can't have another nightmare. So instead I get up and decide to go for a run.

I quietly get dressed and slip out of the apartment without waking Sam. As I walk outside I take in the morning. It's still pretty dark and it's chilly but the cold air reminds me I'm alive. I begin running and after a few miles I savor the pain of the crisp morning air in my lungs and the ache in my muscles.

For a moment I'm pulled back in time to when he was alive and we were running together.

"Come on Grey. You can do it. Keep going" he encourages me but I want to stop. We've been running for five miles already but he wants to make it six.

"I can't" I pant as my breathing has become shallow.

"You can"he says back to me. "That pain that you are feeling right now is nothing. It's just a reminder that you are alive."

I take in his words and the power behind them. At the moment they didn't mean too much to me because of the pain I was feeling but now I understand them. I don't say anything back to him I just give him a look that says I'll keep going and he smiles at me.

"That's my girl" he says with a wink.

When I resurface from my thoughts I'm back at my apartment and I have run 6.5 miles and I hardly feel tired. I stretch my muscles and take in the quiet of the morning before going back inside.

Once I'm back in I see Sam is still asleep in her room so I go into the shower and let the hot water rush over my skin. When I'm done I stand in front of the bathroom mirror naked and I look at my scars. It's funny when I look at them I'm not reminded of the pain I felt from the wounds that caused them. I'm only reminded of what I lost.

Eventually I get dressed and make myself breakfast and then I open my books and get down to studying. After studying for an hour I look over at the clock and see that it is only 8 in the morning. That's when I hear Sam stir and I'm surprised she is awake. She doesn't always sleep too late but I know on her days off she normally doesn't wake up till at least nine or ten.

"Morning" she says to me sleepily as she comes out of her room.

"Morning" I say back to her. "What are you doing up?" I ask her curiously.

"Eh I decided to not be a bum today and try to be productive and get some school work done so we can go out tonight" she answers me.

"Out?" I ask her.

"Yea you know like out to a bar. Us young people do that occasionally" she says sarcastically.

"Sam . . ." I begin to protest but she stops me.

"Nope. I don't want to hear it. We are going out tonight and that is it. We haven't been out together since we got back to school three weeks ago."

She's right but that doesn't mean I want to go. "How about you just go without me" I suggest even though I know it won't work.

"No. It's time we start living and acting like regular 19 year old girls. We deserve to have some fun. You especially. You work so hard. Harder than anyone I know. You need to come out and let off some steam. It will be fun."

I listen to her whole little rant/pep talk but I only really pay attention to the first few words she said. Start living. Those two words sit with me the most. I don't think she used them on purpose but they were the only words I needed to hear. I made a promise I remind myself. I needed to do double the amount of living. I needed to go out and do the things he would never get to do.