stay with me

Chapter 1

Grey:

I've been back at school now for a couple weeks and sophomore year is going pretty well. As well as can be expected I guess. Everyone is still worried about me and I wonder if that worry will ever go away. It's been a year and four months since the accident and everyone I know still looks at me with pity in their eyes. I'm the girl who watched her boyfriend die. I guess I'll always be that girl.

I'm sitting in my apartment with my best friend Sam and I can feel her staring at me.

"What is it Sam?" I ask her without looking up from the book I'm trying to read.

"Nothing" she says quickly and I can tell she is a little embarrassed I caught her staring. She knows I hate when she worries over me.

Sam has been my best friend since we were eleven. We have been through so much together. If it wasn't for her I probably wouldn't be where I am right now. She has helped me fulfill my promise to him. My promise to live.

I decide not to pry into why she is staring at me and go back to reading. It's been nice being back at school. I wanted to take summer classes and stay here but Sam told me that we needed the summer to relax. Relaxing was impossible for me now. If I sat still for too long my thoughts became consumed by memories of him and all the things we would never get to do.

But Sam won out and we went home for the summer. She kept me busy everyday and I appreciated that. We spent most of our time doing things with just the two of us because most of our other friends treated me like glass. I know they were just trying to be respectful but whenever someone treated me that way or looked at me with pity it was just another reminder that he was gone.

Needless to say I was happy to come back to school where the only two people who really knew what happened to me were Sam and I. I was treated normal here and that's all I wanted. Well not all I wanted, but you get the picture.

I was taking five classes this semester plus my two lab courses so I could stay busy. If I was concentrating on school work it gave me less time to allow my thoughts to be consumed by him. Whoever said time heals all wounds clearly never watched the love of their life die. I don't think I would ever be healed but I've gotten pretty good at pretending.

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Hunter:

I open my eyes and I stare at the ceiling for a few minutes and wait for the moment to pass. Every now and then I don't wake up screaming from the nightmares I've been having for the past year and three months. Sometimes I save her and I wake up and for a moment I forget that she's dead and I'll never see her again. Today was one of those days. Sometimes these mornings are worse than the ones when I wake up screaming because once I remember she's gone I have to grieve her loss all over again. But then again I guess I am in a constant state of grief. I'll never move on. I'll never get over it and that's what I deserve.

I finally will myself to get out of bed and I jump in the shower. Once I'm out and dressed I make myself breakfast and I sit in my new apartment and watch some TV. I just moved into this apartment three weeks ago when my parents finally "suggested" that I move out and try to start being a person again.

I know they were relieved when I told them I was leaving. Yes my parents love me but they also hate the stigma that comes with having me as their son. When your son is responsible for the deaths of six people you are bound to become the town pariahs. It's funny before the accident I was the golden boy. I had a full ride to Georgetown University to play football and the girl of my dreams was going with me. I was the kid who had everything and I lost it all in the blink of an eye.

I turned down my acceptance to Georgetown after the accident. I couldn't go. Not without her. My parents were disappointed but I guess they hoped that within a year that maybe I would change my mind. I didn't. I never will.

I guess they finally realized this and that's why they asked me to go. I couldn't blame them. They probably thought they were helping me. I had no idea where I was going to go so I kind of just blindly chose a place on a map. Once I decided on moving to Cambridge Massachusetts I packed up my stuff and my parents lent me some money so I could find an apartment. Luckily I found one quickly and the same day I moved in I found a job. I ended up meeting a guy in my building who worked at this bar a couple blocks away and he said they needed a new bartender. I went with him and talked to the manager and next thing I know I'm hired.

The bar is pretty cool and I make excellent tips. Not to mention there are plenty of hot college girls hanging around for whenever I need a distraction.

After lounging in my apartment for the better part of the day I head to work. It's a Thursday night and the bar is packed. I have already made over 200 dollars in tips tonight and there is a hot red head who has been hanging around the bar eyeing me all night. She ends up asking when I get off and I tell her I'll be done around three and that she should wait. She tells me she will and blows me a kiss.

Once I'm done at work I take the red head back to my apartment. She told me her name but I can't remember it. It doesn't matter though. I'll never see her again after tonight.

As soon as we walk in the door she begins kissing me and taking off my clothes and hers. I kiss her back and I try to feel something but I don't. I'm dead on the inside but that doesn't matter so long as it doesn't seem that way on the outside. I fuck her senseless and she begs for more. She is completely unaware of the fucked up things going on in my head right now. I continue fucking her for hours trying to forget for a little while how fucked up my life is but it doesn't work. It never does.

When I finally stop screwing her and I come down I feel empty. I feel even more empty and dead inside than I did when I woke up this morning if that's even possible. But I remind myself that this is what I deserve because she'll never feel anything again and it's all my fault.