stay with me

Chapter 37

Grey:

It had been a week since I sang for Hunter at the bar and I haven't heard from him. Nothing. Zip. Nada. Not. A. Word. I felt stupid and embarrassed for putting myself out there yet again and getting nowhere. At least this time he didn't tell me to get the fuck out. That was something I guess. I can't say I regret it though. I'm glad I did it. I was living and I was fighting for love. I shouldn't be embarrassed about that.

I missed Hunter though. Every day. I missed the way he looked at me with those bright blue eyes of his and the intensity that they held and how they would soften sometimes when he looked at me. I missed seeing him smile, on the rare occasions that he actually did. On those moments when I made him smile it was a small victory for me. I felt special. I missed how I could talk to him about anything and how I felt safe when I was with him. I missed kissing him and how my body reacted to his carnal touch. I missed him. I missed everything about him. even his dark brooding side.

Classes had already started up again so I was being kept busy by them. Thankfully. I needed an outlet. I needed something to help keep my mind off him. Sam was still seeing Daniel so I saw him occasionally but I never asked about Hunter and he never brought him up. Today though I was changing that. Maybe I was a glutton for punishment or maybe I just didn't care about seeming pathetic. I couldn't help myself. I needed to know how he was doing even if he didn't want to be a part of my life I still cared about his.

"Hey guys" I say casually as I come out of my room and into the living room where they are lounging on the couch together.

"Hey" Sam greets me happily as she pulls away from Daniel because she feels bad about throwing their relationship in my face. I told her I didn't mind but she didn't believe me.

"Hey Grey" Daniel says as he offers me a tight smile. Sam told me he feels badly for how things ended between Hunter and me. She told me he thinks Hunter's an idiot for letting me go.

"What's up?" Sam asks me sensing that I need something.

"I actually wanted to talk to Daniel" I say nervously as I play with my hands.

"Sure" he says as he moves to stand up.

"No need to stand" I tell him motioning for him to sit back down. "We can talk in front of Sam" I add as I smile over at my best friend.

"Okay" he says. "What's this about?"

"I was . . . I was" I say stumbling over my words. Jeez Grey, spit it out. "I was wondering if you knew how Hunter is doing. I know I'm slightly pathetic for asking but I can't help but worry about him."

Daniel looks at me sadly and suddenly I feel even more nervous. Why is he looking at me like that? Was Hunter okay?

"He's okay isn't he?" I ask urgently. Sam looks over at Daniel too and her face takes on a nervous expression as well and I realize that whatever Daniel knows he hasn't told Sam about it either yet.

"Yea he's fine" Daniel says calmingly but he stops there. He doesn't say anything he else.

"If he's fine than why do you have that look on your face?" I ask growing impatient with this waiting game.

"Grey" Daniel starts off slowly and I want to shake him and yell at him to spit it out already. He's killing me. "Hunter's gone. He left."

I feel all of the air go out of me. I can't breathe. He left? Where did he go? What the hell is happening?

"What?!" Sam exclaims clearly shocked and upset by this news. "He left?!"

She's saying all the words that are running through my mind and I'm suddenly very grateful she's here so she can ask all the questions because I can't form words.

"When the hell did he leave?" Sam asks.

Daniel looks sheepishly at Sam. "A few days ago. He said he needed a fresh start."

"A fresh start?!" Sam yells. She's pissed. I feel momentarily bad for Daniel for incurring her wrath. "What kind of bullshit is that? Where did he go so I can go find him and kick his ass. I'm going to kill him." She looks over at me and I must not look good because her face goes from pissed to worried in a split second. "Jeez Grey, are you okay?" she asks as she comes over to me.

I don't answer her. I can't. I can't even move. I don't know what to do. This doesn't seem real.

"I want to see his apartment" I finally say quietly.

"What?" Daniel and Sam ask simultaneously.

"I want to see it. I want to see that he's really gone. I don't think I'll be able to believe it till then."

"Alright" Daniel says sighing. "Let's go."

As we walk up the stairs to Hunter's apartment I feel anxious. I think a part of me believes that he is still in there. That I'll walk in and all of his stuff will be there and he'll be sitting on the couch. I don't give up hope of that the entire way up.

When Daniel opens the door though all hope is gone. The apartment is completely empty. It's like he was never here. I sink to the floor as my legs give out on me and I cry.

Sam eventually joins me on the floor and tries to console me. I feel empty as I look around the apartment. I feel like he took my heart with him. I feel deflated and defeated. I feel so many things and none of them are good. After about an hour I manage to get up off the floor and Sam and I walk back to the apartment. I think she told Daniel he should stay behind at his apartment but I can't be sure. I haven't really been paying attention.

When we reach the apartment I go straight to my room and lie on my bed. I curl up and pray that sleep will take me even though I know it won't. What I'm really wishing is that I'll wake up and this will all be a bad dream. I hope that I'll wake up and this whole day will have never happened. It's a hopeless thought but it's all I have at the moment.

Sam comes in to check on me a few times and she tries to make me eat but I'm honestly not hungry. After a few hours I do decide to go take a long hot shower. The hot water feels good on my skin. After washing my hair I sink to floor of the shower and I let the hot water run over me as I place my head in my hands on my knees and I cry some more. I know he's still out there somewhere but it almost feels like I lost him. I think of how I'll probably never see him again and every time I do I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart. The more I thought about it the more I realized how love was such a crazy and reckless thing. When you loved someone you gave them the power to destroy you and all you could do was hope and pray that they wouldn't. I've been in love twice now and I honestly don't think I could do it a third time. I was spent. I was broken. I was done.

It was a sad thing to think about being done with love and relationships, especially since I promised Jason I would find someone to make me happy again and because at one time in my life I was a hopeless romantic and believed in true love and soul mates, but I just don't think I could do it again. I would be okay. I knew that. I would focus on school and my future career as a doctor. I would focus on living my life in other ways. I'll be okay I tell myself again. Or at least I hope I'll be.