The Blue Moon Love

Barging into the bathroom

Four Months Later

Amaira's POV:

A month and a half had already passed since my marriage. And I still haven't felt at any point of time as a married woman. It feels like I live in a hostel with a dog who comes at night and sleeps at its kennel.

No not a dog. It is much more interactive and makes its presence fairly visible. It would at least keep me busy by making me clean the hair it shreds everywhere and feed it thrice a day. I suddenly decided to buy a dog to keep me company. The first thing I'll do tomorrow is to get a cute little dog.

I heard Jay's car pulling in front of our house. I saw him through the window, locking his car with the key in his hand. It was times like this, I got to look at his face. His face is still not registered in my mind so if I close my eyes and try remembering him I would get only a layout.

Jay opened the front door and noticed me sitting on the couch. He never bothered to acknowledge me whenever he noticed me until now. This time too, he walked off like he saw nothing sitting on the couch. Gestures like this sometimes made me wonder if I were invisible. His reaction every time was the same. It would make me bewildered if he even saw me.

I developed a little hatred for him unknowingly in the meanwhile. At nights when I spent it ruminating on my life I never missed blaming Jay. I couldn't satisfy myself with his reasons for marrying me. He doesn't want to hurt his parents? Okay! Well and good. However, divorcing me will not make them party either. They would definitely be hurt. His mother often contacts me and every time she does, I would be put in a difficult spot. I would cook up stories about our marriage life but nothing too lovey-dovey. I would speak as if we aren't so into each other so that she believes later when we get divorced.

Why can't she ask her son directly? If she does she would have known a long time back that I had cooked up stories all the while. She showers me love that I can't reciprocate and puts me in a tight spot. Before my marriage, there was hardly anyone who considered me bad. But I'm cent percent sure that after my marriage ends I would have to receive resentment from a lot of people.

During this one and a half month, Jay never bothered where I go, to whom I speak or if I'm home. I slept at my friend's place three days after marriage as I wanted to check if he cared. So far I haven't found out whether he knew I wasn't home that night. I thought maybe because it was only one night, he didn't notice. So I went on a trip for three days to Goa without informing anyone.

I was disheartened to see no one called except for my Team leader who gave me an earful for taking leave without informing. I expected at least my parents to call but how will they know I was not there at my husband's house? So in conclusion Jay never searched for me. If he absolutely has no interest in this marriage then why in the hell did he marry me?

The most infuriating thing was he asked me to go meet my lover whenever I wanted. What does he take me for? I'm not such a characterless woman! Whenever I think about it I wanted to smash his favourite flower vase in the living room, right on top of his head.

I never contacted Arav after marriage. Neither did he. When I told him about my marriage with so much guilt, I expected him to ask me to elope with him. I didn't know if I would have accepted but that was how I wanted him to react when I informed him about my marriage. But he said if at all he was ready to get married he would have eloped with me. I saw confusion and fear of marrying me at once in his eyes rather than the fear of losing me. I even told him not to regret it later but he said nothing and just begged me to stop the marriage somehow.

I can't blame him. We had only dated for eight months. Maybe he wasn't sure if he really loved me enough to settle down with me. If we marry out of pressure our marriage life wouldn't be so good. Whoever I marry, my ill fate of having an unloving married life will not change. So why not choose the marriage life my parents chose for me and also in which there is an escape route after a year?