Destine to be His (Eren Jaeger x reader)

Freedom Flies on Crow's Wings

"That's final." Eren snaps, his tone daring anyone to challenge him.

No one does.

There is a long awkward pause. Zeke exchanges looks with Yelena, as if asking her to say something.

"What do we do then?" The tall blonde woman asks after a moment, like nothing had just happened. 

Yelena, Zeke, and Flotch glanced between themselves. It was hard to tell if they were thinking or stalling, not wanting to be the first to speak. 

You feel a cold ocean breeze kiss the backs of your calves from behind, sneaking in from beneath the tent walls. You shiver slightly, keeping your eyes low and your arms crossed. Whatever is said next will be very important, that much you know. 

A moment later Eren speaks again, his voice dark and dripping with a blood thirst that makes your blood run cold, and this time not from the breeze. Perhaps this was the ruthlessness Armin had warned you about, the pure thirst for vengeance that stood Eren apart from the rest of the world. 

His jade eyes flash like a warning light in the night. "I have an idea..." 

Murder.

You'd married a bloody murderer. 

You knew it and it made your chest tighten with fear, but when night fell, you still found yourself curled up in his arms. His touch so hot it made your skin crawl at the memory of what those hands had done. To you and to others.

And soon many more...

The two of you now lay in your shared bed in Eren's tent, the day's events put behind you, or at least Eren thought...

"Everything alright?" Eren asks softly, tilting your chin up to look him in the eye.

You hate his eyes.

They're too green. To bright. To distant... They lacked human warmth and kindness, instead leaving you with an eerie feeling in your chest, like Eren really was haunted. 

For all you knew he was...

...and yet you still found yourself so tempted to melt into Eren's gentle gaze. 

"Mhm..." You mumble, tucking your face into his chest to avoid having to make eye contact any longer. There was too much to think about. 

Eren stares at you for a moment longer, and an expression you do not recognize crosses his face. Then reaches over you to blow out the lamp, and settles in next to you. Perhaps it's just your imagination, but you feel him leave a little more distance between your bodies than normal. You blink in the darkness, trying to no avail to make out his facial features in the darkness. 

You sigh, closing your eyes. 

Eren gently ghosts his fingers over your hand, as if to reach for it, but then decide better. "I'm sorry..." He mutters softly, resting his hand on the sheets to where his finger tips just barely touch yours. It almost seems like a plead for forgiveness. You wonder if he knows how mad at him you really are. 

You purse your lips but remain silent.

This is the man you loved. And today you saw him turn right around and betray you, you felt it on your skin. 

The ends of the bandages still hang loosely from the welts on your neck, ticking your skin slightly. You recoil a fraction of an inch, not enough to draw attention to it. You lie still and listen carefully, the silence of the night ringing in your ears as you wait for Eren's voice to break the din of the night again. 

After several minutes, perhaps Eren thinks you've fallen asleep, he speaks again, far softer this time but you catch every word of his soft pray. 

"Please don't leave me here..." 

You feel your blood run cold.

The next day there was excitement at camp. You followed Eren threw the crowd of bustling soldiers, careful to stay close behind him as the Jaegerists leap out of the way to part for him like the sea.

On the far end of camp a group of soldiers stand with what appears to be a black bird clutched in one of their hands. They hand it over to Eren quickly when he arrives. Zeke is there too, watching his brother with curious eyes. 

"Is it...?" The blond man breathes, adjusting his glasses as he eyes the bird. 

Eren's eyes narrow as he examines the bird, clutching its wings in one hand with a carless yet vice grip. If you hadn't know better you'd assume he were a cat staring down at its prey. 

"One of the Scouts' messenger birds." Eren mutters distastefully, spitting the name like it were gum on the bottom of his shoe. He skillfully rotates the bird in his hand to access a pouch tied to its leg, reminding you that he'd likely done this plenty of times during his time with the Scouts. "Empty." Eren mutters dismissively, tossing the bird to a nearby soldier a bit too carelessly for something that was in fact alive. "This one must have gotten loose by accident." 

But you knew it was no accident. 

Messenger birds are specifically trained to always return home. It was highly unlikely one would simply be roaming the woods for no apparent reason.

You guessed Eren knew this too, by the strange look in his eyes as he dismissed the bird, storming off back toward camp. You chase after him, careful to keep a couple feet of distance.

"What should we do with the bird then?" Zeke calls after his brother, watching the soldiers flail around, trying to keep a grip on the squawking bird. 

You sneak a peak at Eren's face, surprised by his disgruntled expression, almost like he'd seen a ghost. The heavy crease carved into his forehead suggests he's making a very difficult decision. About what, you had no idea. 

"Whatever you want." Eren shouts back after a moment. 

As you follow Eren back to camp, you hear Zeke instructing the soldiers to keep the bird in a cage in the medical tent. 

You smile to yourself, making a mental note of the bird's location for future reference. 

Paradise has one hope for survival. You have one hope for freedom.

You vaguely process Eren asking you to go back to your shared tent and wait for him to attend to some business, but for once you don't mind as you plot your escape. 

Because now... your freedom flies on crow's wings.

...

HERE IS YOUR MANDATORY DAILY AFFIRMATION (please read out loud or in your head):

 I am amazing.

My worst moments do not define me.

I am capable of climbing any mountain and overcoming anything I want to.

My feelings are valid, and my struggles are temporary, they do not define me. 

I deserve the best, because I am awesome. And I do my best to achieve what I want, not what others want to force on me. 

I am awesome, I am beautiful, I am a badass.