SMILE ✔︎

(4)

part 4 beb😏 unedited!

She was sitting on the couch, drinking water and filing down her sharp nails.

She swallows, and I watch her through my peripherals as she looks over me.

"I know you're staring at me Sweetheart.." I mumble, wondering if she heard, wondering what's going on in her beautiful brain.

She was so smart... she had to be thinking of something that I'd like to know.

"Why would it matter? You hate me anyway, Royce."

Her voice stung, and the way she spat out my name disgusted me.. yet she was so beautiful while saying it, her figure perfect and her hair cascading down her back.

"God.." I mumble, holding a shirt and losing my temper extraordinarily quickly. I rush over to her, standing above her as she takes a sip of water nonchalantly.

How can she act so fine? So fine when our relationship is on the line.

Maybe she wants it to end..

"I knew that was the wrong thing to say, Kelca, but you and I both know what I meant!" I say, standing over her as she shakes her head.

She rolls her eyes, "That you don't regret it? Everything you do screams that you don't-"

"No! I meant that I hate you for being perfect for me and when I know deep down that you'll never forgive me! I'm so scared that I'm not gonna get you back, Kelca! I'm terrified.. so I said I hated you for making me fall in love with you because I'm never gonna stop loving you now! I can't! And I can't do it without you, Kel! That's why I fucked Koa. Every single time anybody left me I didn't know why or when, but with you I did know when and why.. so when you left me unexpectedly like everybody else has I freaked out... because everybody else who leaves ends up dead." Tears escape my eyes as I fall down to my knees. I put my head on her legs, smelling her perfume.

I loved her so much..

I'm so scared...

And it's so hard to admit but I don't have much time anymore and I have to... I love her and I'm so unbelievably scared. More scared than ever before, more than when Flynn died, more than my abusive foster dad, more than when I thought she was dead..

Because I need her.. I would die if I didn't have her and I'm so so scared she won't love me again.

"I thought you were dead..." I cry, tears falling on her soft legs.

I wasn't trying to make excuses, I know what I did.. I don't expect her to forgive me. I just want her to know how much I love her.. and how she deserves so much.

When she leaves she'll get the best boyfriend, and he'll treat her so much better than me. She'll love him and he'll love her so much.

They'll start off as college roommates or something, and he'll write in the school newspaper. He knows nobody reads it, so occasionally in the middle of his stories he'll mention his beautiful girlfriend, Kelca.

They'll be happy, get engaged at two years, have a beautiful life.

She'll be happy with him..

And I'll be happy knowing that.

She grabs my arms, pulling me up and on top of her. She wraps her arms around me, and her fingers run through my hair.

"I know you Royce, I know your biggest fear is opening up to somebody and them leaving again... I know..."

Is she telling me she believes me?

"You were vulnerable and she took advantage of you.."

I swallow, smelling the conditioner she used in her hair.