With You (Namjoon ff)

Chapter 43

Tears blurred your vision as you let them fall on your lap. You looked at the nightstand and you heart jumped in hopes of finding Jiho. It was an envelope. And it was addressed to you. You took it and read the cover.

Y/N: To Y/N, from Jiho.

There was a letter and a small paper inside it. You pulled out the small paper which said "read first". You opened it and and started reading.

*paper*

Yah Pabo( stupid) 

I told you to forget me, didn't I?

But I knew you would be stubborn

and come finding me.

So I'm writing this to tell you to

GO BACK

And don't read the letter now.

Read it three years later.

Goodbye ~ Woo Jiho

You smiled a bit at how he still tried to lighten your mood up. But your tears didn't stop. You felt so lonely. You wanted to let it all out but you weren't able to speak anything. You wanted to cry more but your tears abruptly stopped. There was so much pain in your heart which you wanted to let out but couldn't. Before when you would go through painful situations you just kept it inside but it was too much now and you didn't want to hold it in anymore. So you grabbed the letter and walked out of the house to your car. You got into your car and drove to the only safe place you had. You dashed out of the car and rung the bell. The door opened but you looked down as you didn't want anyone else to know that you were crying.

Jin: Oh Y/N? What happened?

Y/N: I-I n-need to t-talk with Namjoon.

He opened the door wide for you to get in.

Jin: He's in his room.

You rushed to Namjoon's room ignoring everyone that came in your way because you were a mess right now to interact with anyone. You knocked on his door.

Namjoon: Come in.

You opened the door slowly and he looked at you. He immediately ran to you and engulfed you in a hug and closed the door.

Y/N: Namjoon, h-he left. He left m-me.

You broke down in his arms.

Namjoon: I know.

Y/N: Namjoon, why?

Even though you couldn't be angry on Jiho you still were disappointed that he chose to leave you. You knew he must've had a reason, but that didn't take the pain in your heart away.

Y/N: Why, why, why? Why did he leave me?

He hugged you tighter as you held onto him as if your life depended on it. He pulled out and brought you to the bed. He made you sit on the bed leaning your head against the headboard and covered you with the blanket. He joined you under the blanket and wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close.

Namjoon: Let it all out. I'm here.

You started sobbing heavily. This is what you needed. He was your safe place. With him your bottled emotions would come flowing out. His scent was comforting just like Jiho's.

Y/N: Why didn't he trust me? He promised me he wouldn't leave my side. H-he taught me to trust people and he didn't trust me.

You kept sobbing as Namjoon kept rubbing your back.

Y/N: Why did he leave? Where did he go? Why did he say he won't come back Namjoon-ah?

Y/N: I trusted him and believed him but he left. Why did I let him come close to me in the first place? Why did he come in my life if he was just going to leave? If he hadn't it wouldn't hurt this much right now.

Namjoon: Y/N-ah I understand how much pain you are in right now. But think about all the times you spent together, all the memories you made together. It might hurt but I know you're thankful to have him in your life. Sometimes pain doesn't end, it's there. But some people just make it bearable. Just because you're afraid of getting tanned will you always avoid the sun? Just because you're afraid of things, you won't do it? Then where will the fun be in life? Beyond your fears lie the beautiful things. You were afraid to let anyone in your life but you allowed Jiho to come in your life. And I know you know it was worth all the time you spend together. All the love you received was worth it.

He spoke slowly in a low, soothing voice, choosing his words carefully. You knew he was right. No matter how much pain in you were you were thankful for having Jiho in your life. If it wasn't for him, you would still be the same dark hearted person you were 2 years ago.

You snuggled your face in his chest as he held you tighter. Tears didn't stop but you felt relieved that you had someone you could go to. You mumbled a small 'thank you' to Jiho for bringing new people into your life. You stayed in his arms and he kept wiping your tears even though fresh ones kept coming.

Namjoon: Cry it all out! I'm here.

Those were the words you always wanted to hear because all your life you kept your tears in. All your life you struggled alone but now for the first time someone understood you and was willing to help you. Jiho was always there for you but he never knew about your internal struggle which you had kept buried deep inside of you because you didn't want him to worry too much.

Y/N: But you keep wiping my tears.

Namjoon: I'm making way for the new tears.

You chuckled.

Namjoon: Do you want to take a nap?

Y/N: I won't be able to sleep.

Namjoon: It's okay, we can stay like this as long as you want.

He gave you a gentle smile as you closed youreyes, laying in the comfortable silence and staying in his safe embrace.