Deviant

Special chapter

I am strong?

I don't think so.

I am only doing what anyone would do for the one they love.
I am just taking care of him and loving him. It's not much. Only this I can do. I wish I could do more.

For how long will I do this?
As long as I will live. After all... I promised that to him.

Sometimes I have dreams. Happy dreams
But then I wake up to reality. My cruel reality.
I am not complaining though. His reality is more painful than mine.

I do not regret anything.
I would never regret meeting him.
I would never regret anything I have done until now. I would do it all over again.
After all, he became my world. He became someone I couldn't exist without, in such a short time.

What are my dreams like?
Painful. I am so happy in these kinds of dreams, but after I wake up, it rips my heart apart.

I dream that he is awake.
I dream about how his touch feels. How he hugs me. How he kisses me. How he holds me. How he whispers in my ear, words of love.

Every time I wake up, I leave the room and lock myself in the bathroom. I couldn't let him see me this way. I couldn't let him know how broken I can get sometimes. Because in my heart I believe that he feels me.
But then I come back to him like every time. I take him in my arms, bury my face into his neck, and breathe him in. Actually, it works. Doing this, helps me calm myself. It's a feeling I can't explain. He gives me strength. He makes my chest warm. He makes me love him more and more. I would never get tired of him. I would never get sick of taking care of him. Until now no one was there for him, so how could I leave him knowing that?

But even being this way, this still, every time he would manage to make my heart beat faster. How was he doing it? I couldn't get an answer to that.

He is the one I have chosen. I don't care how he is. Sane or ill. I want only him. To be here with me. To be a part of my life. No matter how it would be.
At least he let me be close to him.
He let me love him and touch him.
And I will be always grateful for that.

Sitting on the bed, I look down at his beautiful face as he is sleeping. Pushing his bangs away from his face, I lean toward him and kiss his forehead gently. His eyes now open slowly and I smile warmly at him, my fingertip touching the tip of his nose.

"Good morning my love. How was your sleep? " I ask as I am running my lips along his cute nose.
"Today I will take you to see the sea. It's really beautiful outside. What do you say? "

I hold in my tears as I am staring into his lost and dark eyes.

"Today I got a day off just to be with you. Today is your birthday. So all day it will be just the two of us. It will be fun, I promise. I will read you something interesting. Actually, I bought so many books. I know how much you like books. Tonight I will read to you until you will fall asleep."

I pull him up in my arms and bury my face into his soft hair.
"Do you feel me? Do you hear me, my love? See? I didn't go anywhere. I am still here. So when you are ready, please come back to me. Fight a little with the darkness that envelopes you every second, and come back to me. Because I am already fighting every day to be able later to receive you with my arms open. "

"I will wait patiently until you will be ready to take my hand and walk together on the same road.
I love you so much."

As I held his body tight, close to me, I could feel his heart pounding faster and faster. I smile and kiss his lips.

"I know. I love you too."
I whisper against his lips like I could understand his heart.

Then for the first time after so long his eyes locked with mine and then time stopped as we looked at each other.

Next - Deviant sequel - "Lost in his own mind"

Omg, you actually made it till the end?
Thank you, everyone, for reading.  I know it was kinda shitty but I still hope you liked it 👉👈
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