Deviant

eleven

~Attraction~

Damn it!

Fuck!

Ugh!

Jungkook smiled innocently under your fiery gaze.

"It's not working." Who am I kidding?

"What?" Jungkook's smile widened, his teeth fully displayed.

"This innocence you clearly try to get under my skin with," you rolled your eyes before grabbing the blanket and sliding under it.

"Noona, If I would want to get somewhere, it wouldn't be under your skin. It would be in your puss... "

"Shut up! " You hit his head with your hand not believing your ears.

"Ouch. Damn! " Jungkook rubbed the back of his head as he grinned.
"Dangerous as fuck."

"What the heck happened with you? It's like you entirely transformed into that annoying playboy. Wait... Who are you right now? " Your eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"I am me. You know that. " Jungkook's eyes saddened for some reason. "Please don't ever ask me that from now on. "

Your eyes softened as you watched him slide under the same blanket. "Thank you for staying with me."

Your lips curled at the edge for a short moment.
"Don't try anything funny," you quickly threatened, but instantly relaxed watching Jungkook already closing slowly his eyes.

"I will not do anything Y/N. I promise." He breathed out.
"I would never force someone to love me. Especially you. You were clear enough", He added as he dragged himself closer to you, searching for your warmth.

The whole day Jungkook begged you to give him just one night.
Since he left Incheon and your apartment, he didn't sleep at all. He was tired. Even now the nightmares would haunt him. Nightmares with those people who destroyed his life. Filled with what he endured in that house day by day. He would go through all of that every single night. As much as he tried to forget, to erase everything from his mind, he couldn't do it by himself. Only when he was with you, surrounded by your light.

You turned on one side and watched him as he wrapped his arms around you, eyes closed as he buried his face into the crook of your neck.

"Do you really want me awake? Don't you regret not giving me the right dose? "

"Of course, I would want you like this. Such a stupid question."

"But I am bad. I bring you tears", Jungkook bit his lip as he waited for your reply.

"I am just stupid sometimes. There's nothing we can do about it. I as well can act dumb sometimes. Bare with it", you softly chuckled as you caressed his hair gently.
"I can't stop you from being who you are. If you feel... "

"It's not from my heart. " Jungkook's arms tightened around you.

"What do you mean? "

"Jennie... Others... They are just tools."

"For what? "

"Sometimes I need to control people. It depends on my mood. But most of the time I feel like hurting them. I feel good doing it. "

"Did you hurt Jennie too? " Your lips pressed together. You didn't know how to feel about this new information.

"Yes... I was rough with her. I left bruises all over her body. But she liked it so... "

"I get it. Don't say more. "

Jungkook pulled back, prompted himself up on one elbow, and peered at your somber features.

"I tried to snatch you out of my mind. You were always there. Your voice. Your face. Your touch, and kisses. It brought more pain.
I just wanted to get rid of it. For that purpose, I used her. There were no feelings involved. Just sex."

Again, you had no idea how to feel about all of this.
You touched his cheek as you looked deeply into his eyes.

"Why is it so hard for you to understand me? " he asked you, his gaze moving down your mouth. You swallowed.

"Just like it's hard for you to understand me... ", you whispered, your cheeks once again flushed because of the way he was looking at you.

Jungkook's gaze came up to your eyes.

"I... wouldn't be able to be in that way with someone if there wouldn't be strong feelings involved. I would have to be crazy about that person. To be so close, sharing something so important as your body, it must be only from love", you explained as you shifted your gaze down to his neck. You couldn't look into his eyes after you said all of that. "So, it's hard to understand and forgive. But with us it is different. There isn't... a relationship or anything. There are no promises... and I can't stop you from going to others. I have no right."

His chuckle made you lift your head and look at him. "Always so...", he stopped as he breathed out heavily.

"Weird this love of yours, my lady. From what I know, when you love someone you feel the need to be with that person. You crave to be touched and be loved", Jungkook's eyes searched yours. "Do you really love me? Cuz you sure don't want me."

Your eyes saddened. "It is not about my feelings. "

"Then? It's about mine? " Jungkook whispered.

"If I would tell you that I love you... ", your gazes locked. "Would everything change? Would you even believe me?"

"I don't want you to tell me anything...", you suddenly became nervous. You couldn't stand how his eyes analysed you. He left you almost breathless. You were scared. His presence was already enough for you to almost give in. "I never implied that you need to say..."

"I love you... My lady. "