The First Drop Of Rain

Chapter Forty Four

Content warning: some of the content of this chapter may be triggering to some readers. Please be advised.

Discussions/mentions of suicidal ideation

I watched the December landscape blur past as Edward drove toward his home. He had told me to wait in his car and then taken my keys from me. Once he returned he told me he had put them in Alice's locker and she would drive my car to the house after school. Now the music played softly against the hum of the souped up engine while I kept staring out the window. My bag sat on the floor in front of me and the vents blasted warm air that stirred Edward's scent through the cabin of the car. "What's going on with you?" Edward finally broke the silence that hung between us.

"What do you mean?" I turned my gaze from the winter wonderland to him.

"Arabella you're being reckless, you're not being yourself." He sighed and made another turn. "I'm worried."

"I don't really know who 'myself' is anymore." I mumbled with a shrug. "I can't protect my friends how I want to. I can't protect my girlfriend. Who am I if I'm not those things?"

"You're worth more than what you have to offer to others." His words seemed sad, like what I had said was what he had feared.

"Then what am I, if not a line of protection." I laid my head back against the headrest and stared at the dash. "Even Rose wants me to be that."

His grip on the steering wheel tightened. "I should never have told you that." He growled. "She has no right to ask that of you, you don't owe any of us anything."

"That sounds grand but let's think in terms of reality." I grumbled, earning a look of anguish from the driver's seat as he pulled onto his driveway.

"My god Arabella, you're so stubborn." Edward parked the car in the garage and got out, making his way to my door and opening it up.

"Am I stubborn or are you?" I raised my brow in a challenge as I stepped out of the car.

"How about we call it even and say we are both annoyingly stubborn." Edward flashed a devilish grin.

"Okay." I huffed and grabbed my bag before Edward shut the door. We walked through the door that connected the garage to the house, up the narrow stairs that had always made it feel more like a basement than a functional addition, and out into the hallway of the main floor. I had always felt strange when brought in this way, like I was sneaking in, though I knew sneaking was impossible with the bat like hearing of the Cullen clan.

"Arabella!?" Esme's voice carried from upstairs as her golden red hair flashed around the corner, revealing her smiling face and topaz eyes. "What brings you here darling!" She excitedly walked down the steps and pulled me into a motherly hug. Unlike Rose, who stood much taller than me, Esme had just half a head on me. She was truly the inbetween height when compared to the women of their close-knit family.

"Just your regular Edward kidnapping." I teased as I pulled away from the hug.

"Edward!" Esme chastised as she pulled out of the hug and shot her eyes toward the boy.

"Oh don't let her fool you Esme, she was about to barrel into the woods dressed like that with a destination but no idea of how to get there." He shot an accusatory glance back at me that made me sink into myself slightly.

"Oh Ara, you'll catch your death out there!" Esme turned her attention back to me, her gaze now sympathetic rather than chastising.

"Ah, carpe diem right?" I waved my hand dismissively and earned a stifled laugh from Edward.