A Broken Heart (KimChay fanfic)

Chapter 35 - My angel, My love

I don't understand, but I'm back there. I'm on the bed this time and laying besides me is Itsuki with is face covered with bullets and blood dripping out of the holes the bullets caused. I automatically jump out of bed when I see him.

I hate this so much, the nightmares, they had stopped for a couple of days and now they are back...

"You think they are saying the truth?" Itsuki asks me with a smile "They don't want you... you're broken, damaged and used... You think they'll wait... they won't babe, you'll be alone forever just glimpsing at what you could have had once they find the right person... and whoever that is, it's certainly not you..."

"You're lying!" I say to him "I know you're lying..."

"Am I sweetheart? Wait, you no longer have a sweet heart, do you? You're no better than any of us now... all that angelic appearance you had... it has vanished..." He laughs at me "You think an angel would do something like this?" he says pointing at himself "You have nothing special now... why would they want something like you?" I'm trembling now, he keeps talking but I no longer listen all the sounds are inconclusive as I look at my hands and see them turn red, blood is covering my hands and as I try to clean it, it just gets bloodier and bloodier

"This isn't true, I'm not here, I'm not here..." I keep saying

"But you are..." he says laughing at my face "You'll never be able to leave because this... this is where you truly belong..." he says and points a white gun at me, my gun and that is the last thing I see before he shoots

I open my eyes, I'm not there, that is such a relief. I see two worry faces above me, they are here, they didn't leave.

"Chay, are you okay?" Matteo is the first one to talk as he takes his hand to my forehead, I'm still processing everything so I don't answer

"It's was just a nightmare Porchay." P'Kim says "You're safe now and nobody is going to hurt you, you can relax" he says and I feel his hand on my waist

"I... it just happens sometimes..." I say a bit shaken "I don't know why it had to happen now, things were so good, but he always reminds me that he will be with me forever..." I can feel some tears running down and I immediately clean them "I'm sorry I wake you two..."

"Don't worry about that, we just want you to be okay, it's still early in the morning, what do you want to do?" P'Kim asks

"Do you want to eat? Take a shower? Go for a walk? Go back to sleep? Drink milk?" Matteo stops when P'Kim touches his shoulder "Sorry..." he says

"I'll just go to the bathroom freshen up a little, you two can go back to sleep, I'll be alright..." I say trying to figure out how am I going to get out of bed, I ponder crawling like a child but before i do that Matteo gets up and I have the space to go now

"We'll be here, waiting for you." Matteo says laying down again leaving the space for me in the middle of them

I go to the bathroom, and I can't avoid crying, it just hurts when this happen and things where so good I feel like I scared them a little even if I know, deep down, that they are just worried about me. I think all of this made me insecure, I never trusted myself but I started to do things for me and then I realise I was actually good at them and now... now I'm just in a bathroom looking at the mirror and waiting for the shakiness to go away.

I rinse some water on my face and take deep breaths. I look at my shoulder, it no longer has bandages, but the marks are very visible and that bothers me, I pass my hand on it and I press it a little, I don't know why I do it, but the pain helps me be sure I'm here and not dreaming again.