The Love Affair(Good Wife Better Mistress)

Shattered

Ever since Nicole discovered that her husband was having an affair she had been walking on eggshells around him. Afraid she might say the wrong thing or break down. Around Alex, she forced herself to be numb, and around the family she tried to be her normal self. And ignoring the sadness that was threatening to constantly consume her.

She didn't tell Alex that she knew he was cheating on her. Nicole didn't know why she didn't say anything. She didn't want to face the consequences of it becoming even more real. She wanted to live in the world where they were still the happy couple and there was nothing that could break it up. The signs he was cheating became more obvious. When he would say he was staying late at work or had to go to work on a Saturday. It was when he was with her.

The sound of a woman's moan played constantly on repeat in Nicole's head as well as the carefree laugh that came from Alex. It was all like a siren screaming that she wasn't good enough. That she had never been enough for Alex. And maybe she wasn't and it just took this for it actually set in.

Nicole blinked tiredly as she put her car into park after she pulled into the driveway of her and Alex's house. It was hard to call it a home when she had trouble sleeping in her own bed, knowing that another woman had been sleeping with her husband.

She looked up at the house and tried to swallow back the tiredness that was threatening to consume her. She could feel her stomach sink to her knees as she glanced up at her bedroom window, noting that the windows were dimmed. Similar to how it was when Alex was with another woman. Nicole tried to clear her mind and prayed that her thoughts wouldn't overwhelm her.

There were times when she still had trouble entering her house, for the fear that someone else was there. That Alex would have brought someone over, while she was gone. It had probably happened before, but the fear that it would happen again was constantly in the back of her mind.

Nicole swallowed back her doubts and stepped out of the car. With trembling hands she unlocked the front door and moved silently as she set down her purse and keys. The house was dark, Nicole glanced at her watch and noticed that it was a bit after ten o'clock. She had to stay late at the office to get last minute paperwork done. Nicole had thought that Alex would be asleep and even be in bed before she got back.

she had to erase the worries that were plaguing her,  He knew that she wouldn't be gone for long, there was no way that he would take the risk of having another woman over. Nicole went upstairs and tried to silence the echoing screams that resonated in her head that she wasn't good enough.

Her thoughts seemed to multiply by the thousands as she got closer to her bedroom. For a moment her mind was silent as she listened for any sign that she was enough. That Alex being with the other woman was a one time thing. Not something that had been going on for weeks, months or even years.

It was hard to pinpoint a time when he wasn't hers anymore. When he was only partly with her. She just wanted to relax. And for a moment forget about her cheating bastard of a husband.

Nicole swiped her hand against her eyes in an attempt to wipe away her tears. She took a deep breath and tried to calm the heaving sobs that were threatening to swallow her whole. She wanted to cry. All she really wanted was to sit down and cry in peace damn it. To feel as if she had a chance to fall apart and not as if she had to keep it together for appearances sake.

A few moments later, when Nicole felt as if she had at least crafted herself back together for a while, she stood. She closed her eyes and tried to ignore what was obviously happening in her bedroom. The best solution would be to focus on her unborn baby.

Nicole walked over, slipping off her shoes before climbing into bed .

Without her consent, Nicole felt her eyes drooping and her mind winding down. She blinked sleepily, Nicole wanted to allow herself to just fall asleep then and there. To sleep and let all of her worries and doubts slip away just for a night. To sleep peacefully, and not have dreams of Alex with other women. Before she could make a decision on whether to stay , Nicole was already asleep.

He was playing with me. He was toying with me like a predator with his victim. Like a big cat with his helpless, condemned prey that was alive still but not for long. The play in itself had obviously, no other purpose than to amuse him, to satisfy a secret, wicked, newfound cruelty. I was tiring of his psychological game, exhausted by that endless contest of no use. The influence of emotional stress can damage one's sanity and I felt sometimes that for me, such outcome was just around the corner.