Fix You ! Cegan

X

Carl was sure he was drowning. This must be his own personal hell- an endless cycle of trying to get to the surface and it being just out of reach for eternity. Just when he thought he could breathe again something pulled him back under. And then- very suddenly- Carl came to. He was sitting in one of Negans trucks, watching a walker outside. It was the middle of a sunny day, and somewhere he could hear Judith laughing. He turned around to see Negan at the driver's seat, smiling at him. He could smell leather, beer and cigarettes on him mixing with the summer air and it was just perfect.

"Hey Neeg," Carl said gently, returning the grin. It felt like it had been a while since he had seen him, and he instinctually knew he had been missing him for what seemed like a long time. He leaned in to kiss him and closed his eyes, sighing as he reached him. And then suddenly it was dark. Carl was on his stomach, and as his eyes focused he could make out the woods around him.

Confused, he looked up, and Negan was standing over him with Lucille. Behind him he heard a laugh- not just any laugh, he knew that fucking laugh. Someone was suddenly on top of him, holding his arms together, pinning him down. He started to struggle and looked up at Negan for help, but Negan just laughed at him like the man on top of him. But Negans laugh was colder, more crueler, the one he reserved for taunting people before he smashed their head in over 8 different states and then laughed in their loved ones face.

Carl swallowed hard, panic rising, his vision clouding. He felt the claimer go for his belt, all his weight pressed against him, and he looked up again at Negan, willing him to stop this. "Not them, please, anyone but them." he begged. But Negan just continued to laugh and swing Lucille aimlessly. His pants were being roughly pulled down, and he knew what was coming next.

"Don't let them have me Negan, please. Not again. Don't do this." he cried out again, but it was useless. He felt his head being pushed into the dirt, could taste it again, mixed with blood from his teeth. Negan was now on the ground beside him, continuing his taunting. And then the terrible, familiar white hot pain that he knew so well began as the man pushed inside him roughly. This- this was worth than death, worse than anything. Carl screamed out and felt his head being pushed into the dirt even more. Suddenly he felt someone grab his hair sharply.

Negan held him by the scalp, eyes taunting him and that grin still on his face.

"Please Negan. Make it stop. Don't- Don't let them do this." he was really begging now, words pouring out without thought. But Negan wasn't going to help- he wasn't. "Or just- just end it. Please. You have Lucille." he was crying now, tears mixing in with the dirt.

Negan grabbed his chin. "Kid... you ain't good enough to die at Lucille's hands." he laughed. "What the fuck you talking about? Getting' what you deserved. You're worthless. Well except for that tight ass of yours we all love to use so much. And shiiiit do we sure love to use it. Nothing but a pretty, fucked up face who's only good for a fuck. But you already knew that, right?"

And he smacked his cheek roughly for good measure.

The amount of pain that was running through him must mean this wasn't survivable, Carl thought hopefully. It would be over soon. He looked around for his dad- maybe he was coming this time- but there was no one but Negan and his taunts. Carl willed himself to black out, to stop feeling even if just for a moment. And then he was falling.

//

Carl was in and out of consciousness for another day. When he was awake he wasn't really fully conscious as he had been last time, but more of an anxious stirring where the world seemed to come into focus for a few seconds and then he faded again. Negan wasn't sure if he wanted to be there when he actually finally woke up- part of him, well, all of him, wanted to be there, but he knew better. He had no idea how Carl would react when he finally saw him with a clear head for the first time. Would he even remember everything? Would he hate him- or worse, not hate him at all and not realize how bad Negan had fucked up? He remembered the night of Carl's little rant, how he had said he felt like he deserved everything he got. He remembered it so clearly because he literally broke in that moment for the kid.