Fix You ! Cegan

XI

Negan gave Carl his space that evening and most of the next day, sending Dwight and the doctor in at random intervals with food and to check on him. But leaving the kid alone at night at the Sanctuary left him uneasy. He saw how some of his men looked at him- it was how he looked at him, but fuck them, he was allowed to look at him like that. And after all, it was his room he told himself- kid couldn't kick him out of his own space.

It was dark as he padded up to the room and opened the door quietly, not really sure what state he would find him in. The kid would be pissed still, of course, but he could deal with that. To his surprise Carl wasn't in sight when he walked in. He cautiously walked over to the bathroom, hoping he wouldn't find him like he did the last time- wrist slit, head pouring out blood, unconscious- basically dead. He shook the thoughts out of his head- he had seen a million other things more gruesome than the state he had found Carl in. But he couldn't get that image out of his head for the life of him.

Carl was in front in front of the mirror, back turned to Negan. His hair was sopping wet and a towel hung low around his waist. His bandage was off and he was leaning into the mirror, trying to get a good look at the huge wound that now marred his forehead. Negan stood behind him quietly, studying him, and leaned against the door frame, steadying himself for what was bound to be one hell of a pissing match.

Carls eyes met Negans in the mirror finally, but he didn't turn around. He locked eyes with him for a moment and then his eye wandered down to the sink, knuckles white on its surface. Negan saw him bite his lip, and then a cringe cross his face as he realized he had re-opened it, yet again. Instinctively Negan reached over for a towel and offered it to Carl, who surprisingly took it from him.

"Thanks." Carl said, extremely quietly, and held it up to his lip. Between his head, lip, wrist, and eye the kid was a fucking train wreck, and Negan felt the will to stir up a fight leave him almost immediately as he watched him dab at his face. Carl must have felt Negans eyes on him and he looked up at him.

"What?" he said softly- there was no bite, no fight left in him, just quietness. This hadn't been the Carl he had been expecting to encounter.

Negan shook his head. "Just lookin' at you kid." he answered simply.

"Yeah, well, I'm not much to look at it anymore." Carl turned around again and grabbed one of the bandages on the sink and started to wrap his eye. Without even realizing what he was doing Negan stepped towards the kid and put a hand on him. Carl didn't react so Negan took it as a good sign and wrapped his arms around him, putting his lips on his neck gently over the bite marks he must have left that night that were healing.

This wasn't supposed to be how things went. Negan was supposed to walk up here, the kid was supposed to be pissy, the two of them were supposed to fight it out (because that's just what they did) and then he'd tell the kid he was sending him back to Alexandria tomorrow. That was it. End of story. But Negan couldn't stop himself- and he hated it. Hated the control Carl had over him like no one else ever did. Hated that Carl was an unpredictable little bipolar shit who could play this game better than he could. He truly didnt trust himself around the kid anymore- but still, he couldn't stop himself.

Carl stopped bandaging his face and instead just closed his eye and got very still. After what seemed like eternity Negan put a hand on his chin and gently turned him around to face him. Carl still wouldn't meet his eyes, but he didn't resist. Negan took the hand on his chin and brought his face up to him.

"Look at me." Negan said softly. Surprisingly Carl did. Negan didn't see any fight in the kids face like he had before, and it worried him. He ran the pad of his thumb over his chin and tried to read the kid, but he wasn't getting much. Carl fucking infuriated him sometimes. Most of the time. He hated not knowing what the hell was going on in that crazy, fucked-up, crossed wired brain of his. One minute the kid was sucking his dick and the next he was off-the-wall crazy. There wasn't much in between. Maybe that's why he loved him.