ME AND YOU? || johnnie guilbert x female reader

chapter 13 - struggle

TW: this chapter will bring up eating disorders and body dysmorphia, be aware.
(Also I fucked up this chapter so bad, lets just say y/n is going on her job interview in two days because I forgot lol I'm sorry)

I woke up from the sound of Tara blow drying her hair in the bathroom, I'm guessing she was showering way before I woke up. My entire body is sore and is aching from falling asleep on the couch, that shit hurts so bad. I grab my phone from the little table beside the couch to see my notifications.

Johnnie <3: Goodmorning, I'm excited to see you and Tara tn!!
He is too sweet to me, I love getting his cute goodmorning texts so much. I open his message and reply with a goodmorning text back of course.

"TARAAA! I'M AWAKE!!" I yell waiting for Tara to get out of my bathroom. Shortly after Tara gets out of the bathroom and sits down beside me.
"Are you excited for tonight? I literally can't wait. I love spending the night at Jake and Johnnie's" she continues rambling but I stop listening, I'm way too tired to listen to her right now. She realizes I'm not paying attention and goes quiet. I get up from the couch and walk into the bathroom to face and shower.
I wash my face down with cold water and start getting undressed. I look at my body in the mirror, I admire every inch of it. I hate every inch of myself. My shoulders are too wide, my thighs are too big and filled with scars, my stomach is fat, my waist isn't slim and snatched, my arms are too fat and also filled with scars. I've ruined my body too much.
I turn on the shower and put the water to the highest temperature. I walk away from the mirror and step in the shower feeling the boiling water in the roots of my hair, running down to my back and all the way to my feet makes me feel so alive and calm. The water burns my skin but I like it. Why is it always the things that hurt the most that feel so.. nice?

I finish up my shower and wrap a towel around my heating body and walk out of the bathroom. The air outside the bathroom feels so cold to my body and I shiver.
"Are you alright?? You were in there a while" Tara says as I walk into my bedroom.
"I'm fine, what time is it?" I asked her, we were supposed to be at Jake and Johnnie's at 7pm.
"It's 4pm, you slept till like 3 and I've been up since 10" She chuckles. I really slept till 3? Damn.
I get dressed in a pair of black True Religion jeans and a plain dark gray crop top, pretty basic but It's whatever. I sit down by my vanity and brush through my wet hair and apply some face cream. I decided to just do lashes, eyeliner and eyeshadow for makeup.
Once I was done Tara walks into my bedroom and sits down at my vanity to do her makeup.
"By the way I made bacon and toast when you slept, It's still in the kitchen" Tara yells as I leave the room.
"Okay, thank you!!" I yell back while I sit down on the couch. I'm not at all a morning person and I just feel sick eating in the morning. Maybe not in the morning since It's 4.30pm now but you get it. I decided to text Johnnie a bit more.

(Y: you, J: Johnnie)

Y: hey again
J: hellooo
Y: I'm bored and I miss you
J: I miss you too, If you and Tara are ready come over at like 5.30 or smth. Me and Jake are just starting to get ready now and just need an hour
Y: omg yes! I'll ask Tara rn!!
J: Okayy, gotta go and get ready. See you later
Y: Bye!!

"TARA!! JOHNNIE SAID WE CAN COME OVER AT 5.30 IF WE ARE READY!!" I yell to her to make sure she hears me.
"OKAY!" I hear her yell back

*time skip till they are on their way, I'm lazy *

Tara is driving us to Jake and Johnnie's house right now and I'm really excited. The song "brooklyn baby" by Lana Del Ray starts playing in the car and me and Tara are literally screaming the lyrics.

"MY BOYFRIEND'S IN A BAND, HE PLAYS GUITAR" I scream sing out and Tara laughs at me. Lyrics so real though, I need Johnnie to play some songs for me soon.
A few moments later Tara pulls up at their house and I practically run up to the front door and right as I'm going to ring the doorbell Tara slaps open the door.
"GUESS WHO'S HEREEE!!" She yells out as she does a model walk into the house. Jake and Johnnie get up from the couch and walk and meet us at the front door.
"Hey y/n" Johnnie says as he pulls me into a warm hug.
"Hi!" I smile at him and we walk into the couch and all four of us sits down.
We sit there for a while talking, well mostly Tara's yapping and we all add small comments and she keeps talking but we all kinda enjoy it.
My stomach starts rumbling as we talk and I'm pretty sure everyone heard it. I haven't eaten in all day and I'm hungry as fuck.
"Are you hungry?" Johnnie asks me with a worried look on his face. Say no, say no, say no.
"No, I'm fine" I smile at him trying my best to hide the fact that I'm starving.
"Have you eaten anything today?" He asks me. Fuck.
"Yeah I had breakfast at home with Tara" I lie, talking quietly so Tara won't hear and expose me that I didn't eat. Tara looked over at me right as I spoke with a concerned look.
"No you didn't eat anything at home?" Tara questions with a really confused look on her face. I'm fucked. Now everyone is looking at me with the same exact thought. "Why is she lying?" I bet they all ask in their minds. Why am I lying?
Johnnie gets up from the couch and grabs my hand gently signaling me to come with him, so I follow him over to the kitchen as I hear Tara and Jake are talking again.

"Y/n, why are you lying to us? You didn't eat with Tara, did you?" He asks me, I can't tell if he is sad, mad or just worried. I don't want him to be either.
"I- I don't know" I reply quietöy looking down at the floor. I hate these conversations, I just wanted a good time and now my boyfriend is giving me a fucking therapy session.
Johnnie looks at me with a sad face.
"Can we talk about this another day? I don't want to ruin the mood and I promise I'll eat when we order food later okay?" I say trying to sound as happy as possible.
"If you promise we will talk later" He says and I hold up my pinky finger to meet his. A pinky promise. He opens his arms and we hug and he kisses my forehead softly.
We pull away from our hug and walk back to the other's.
Tara looks at me with a worried face and signals me to sit next to her which I do. Around an hour passes and we decide it's about time to order food. I wasn't actually going to eat but I promised Johnnie.

"What are we ordering?" Tara asks as she goes on her phone.
"I'm craving sushi so bad" Jake says and I nod in agreement.
"Dude that's fucking gross!" Johnnie yells and I can't help but laugh. He literally eats like a nine year old kid.
"What about pizza?" Johhnie suggests instead.
"We always eat pizza!" Tara whines, at this point we are never going to be able to agree on anything.
"Tacobell?" I asked shortly and finally we all could agree on ordering tacos.
"Okay I'll place the order on my phone, tell me what you guys want" Jake says as he opens his phone and enters the DoorDash app.
"I want *whatever food from taco bell I have no idea I'm not american*" Tara says and looks over at me.
"I'll have whatever Johnnie has," I smile.

Jake places the order and we have to wait another hour for the food to arrive. It's 7pm already. I'm starving so bad.
I remembered about my job interview tomorrow, I still haven't told anyone.
"You guys, I've got great news!!" I say. I put my hair behind my ear and waited for a reaction.
Everyone turns their face up and looks at me.
"I got a job interview thingy tomorrow at a cafe down the city!!!" I explain.
"THAT'S GREAT!!" Tara squeals. "I'm going there to get coffee everyday now!" She says.
"That's so good, y/n!" Jake says smiling.
"Yeah really I'm so happy for you" Johnnie smiles at me. His smile is so cute.

The hour goes by quickly and our food arrives, Jake gets the door while me, Johnnie and Tara gets out plates and finds a movie to watch while we eat.
Jake walks into the living room where we sit in front of the tv and places our food on plates. The movie begins and everyone is eating their food. How are they eating without a worry in the world? I really can't. I sit on the couch next to Johnnie looking down at the plate in my lap.
Just eat, It's not that hard. Don't eat, no one wants a fat girl.
The voices spin in my head. Johnnie notices I'm not really eating, I did promise him I would.
Fuck it, I pinky promised Johnnie I would eat dinner. I can't let the pisces in my head get me.
I start slowly eating and Johnnie looks over at me, I can tell he is proud of me.
"Good job" He whispers quietly to me and I can't help to smile.

*Time skip till after they've eaten*

We've all finished our food and just keep watching the movie.
"Uhm sorry to interrupt but I need to stream on twitch like right now, I totally forgot. Does anyone wanna join?" Johnnie asks us. I really want to stream with him but Im not sure. His followers still don't know I'm his girlfriend I think.
"I'd like to join you, if It's okay?" I ask him carefully.
"Yeah of course. Tara? Jake?" Johnnie looks over at Jake and Tara and they both shake their heads not even bothered to talk.
Me and Johnnie get up from the couch and goes into his room.

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HI🌸
thank you all for 600+ reads!!
This chapter is so messed up but it's okay, I tried to fix it lol
Reminder: Johnnie is somewhat famous but it isn't a big part of the  story!

Wordcount: 1866
// author 🌸