Sanity

Chapter Seven: Reflection

The next morning Brett woke me early. We didn't speak much as we packed for our trip. Brett was making good on his word; he was taking me home even if it was just to leave a note. My stomach was in knots, and I had no idea why. I wasn't going to see anyone.
When we exited the house the sun was just peaking over the East Mountains. The sky was beautiful, orange and purple hues dancing in between puffs of white clouds. Brett opened my door and shut it after I had slid in. Rounding the car he placed our bag in the back and got in on the driver's side.
I hadn't been in a car since the day I came to the pack grounds. It was nice to see the familiar haze of trees and fields out the passenger window as we sped down the back roads. I stared down at my lap where a notebook and pen laid. I had no idea what words would sooth my friends and family.
I began with my parents:

Mom and Dad,
I am so sorry I haven't contacted you. First, I want to tell you that I am okay; I am more than that I am happy (and sober in case you are wondering). I've met this wonderful, kind man. He is more than I could ever ask for, and he takes really good care of me. We are engaged and planning to start a family. I know it is really soon, but I know he is the one. I hope one day you will get to meet him, but for now trust that I love him and he loves me. I want to tell you that you don't have to worry; I am safe and well looked after. He is really well off and his family is so kind to me. I am sorry it has to be this way. I hope that someday I'll get to explain. I will contact you when I can. I love and miss you both very much.
Sammy

I folded their letter and marked the outside before looking over to Brett. His eyes were on the road, but his heart was with me. The pain of it all showed clearly on his face. He loved me, and he hated to separate me from those who I loved.
I didn't have much time, so before I became too emotional, I looked back down at the notebook. Mitch was next.

Mitch,
I know you must be beside yourself asking why, but I didn't mean for it to end this way. I know you loved me, and I'm sorry I couldn't give you the same in return. I want you to be happy. Know that I am safe and cared for. Mitch, move on with your life and find someone that you can love and that will love you equally. I have found that, and my one regret is that it caused pain to those I care about. I can't explain right now why it has to be this way, but it does just trust that I will miss you.
Sam

Finally, Wit would be my last letter. We had been friends since the first day of kindergarten, and she was the closest thing I had to a sister.

Wit,
You are my best friend. You will always be dear to my heart. In this letter I want to give you a bit of advice; I don't know if you will like what I have to say, but here it goes. Straighten out; grow up, however you want to say it. You are beautiful, and you don't need to dress a certain way or flirt a certain way to prove it. You deserve to be seen for your brilliance. All that aside, I want you to spread the word: I am happy and madly in love with a wealthy, young entrepreneur, who has whisked me away from this little town to bigger and better places. We are engaged and planning to start a family. It is the truth by the way (: I want you to promise not to forget me. I will try to visit, but I can't promise anything. I love and miss you.
Your BFF,
Sammy

I looked down at the three meager letters wishing there was something more I could say or do to calm their fears and ease my absence, but there wasn't. Any more details would put both me and my loved ones in danger. I held the letters close hoping that part of me would rub off on them, that somehow I could be in two places at once.
I found myself staring out the window in silence; I wasn't mad at Brett, nor was he mad at me, but the conversation we had the night before had added an awkward tension between us. The silence and the late night before made it all too easy for me to find sleep.

***

When I woke, we were pulling into a diner I recognized. It wasn't the oh to familiar home town diner I loved, but one a few towns over. When we got out of the car, my body was stiff from the long ride, and my stomach growled. I was thankful that we had stopped knowing too well that we wouldn't be able to do so had we gotten any closer to my home town.
We had stopped in Jefferson, a large college town where a young couple was far from a rare sight. Entering the diner that Saturday morning made me queasy. I flashed back remembering the times I had stumbled into the diner at home still drunk from my Friday night partying. I remember finding my friends sitting in a corner booth, all of our cloths and hair a bit messy. I had been on my way to do the same thing when Brett had pulled up next to me in his car the morning we met.

"Good morning, can I get you two something to drink?" We sat down as the waitress greeted us with menus.

"My wife will have an orange juice and coffee for me, thank you." Brett smiled.

"Sure thing, I'll have those right out."

I could tell Brett was uneasy, and I remembered what he had said about the pack in the area and ours not being on good terms. I knew I was safe with Brett, but from that moment on I would keep a sharp eye on everything going on. I could feel as Brett reached over under the table to grab my hand. No matter what was said between us or what changed, we were always in this together. I smiled over to him squeezing his hand.
We ordered our food and ate quickly not talking about too much. Everything that we wanted to say couldn't be said in the ear shot of humans. When we were done, we got up and walked over to the register where a young lady stood. She looked up at us and smiled.

"All of us that work here couldn't help but chat about you two. You look like such a cute young couple." She beamed. "You are a lucky girl to have a boyfriend like him."

"Husband." I corrected before Brett had the chance and smiled at her.

"Oh that's nice to find such a love so young."

Though we weren't in fact married yet, Brett and I had agreed to say we were married. Soon I would be clearly pregnant, and it would be easier for humans to understand that this was a planned pregnancy if we were already married, but legally we wouldn't be able to marry until I turned eighteen not that marriage mattered much in the werewolf culture.
As we exited the Jefferson Diner, Brett hugged me for behind. He spoke to me in his mind, "I love that you're mine." We both smiled at one another as he helped me into the car. Just like that it seemed the tension was gone, and I was glad. We laughed and joked about little things the rest of the way, which I appreciated because it took my mind off things.
As we pulled into town, I pulled the hood of my jacket up and put sunglasses on to avoid being recognized. We took as many back roads as possible to the same field Brett and the other pack members had parked on the day they came to get me. As we pulled up I looked over to Brett expecting him to tell me to stay in the car and lock the doors, but he didn't.

"Would you like to go watch them for a while?"

"Isn't it dangerous?"

"A little, but we covered our tracks well. The local pack doesn't know I chose or took you. We won't be able to stay for long, and we will have to cover our sent, but we will be safe."

"Then I would love to."

"Okay, hurry up and shift."

We got out of the car quickly removing our clothing and shifting into wolf form. Brett took the lead running into the woods toward my house. What may have looked careless wasn't; he kept his senses keen for danger, but as he predicted there wasn't any.
When we reached a shallow stream, Brett began to roll in the mud covering his fur and sent with that of local wolves. I walked up to the edge of the water, and as I saw my wolf's reflection for the first time, I was surprised by how majestic I looked. My coat was the same dark auburn of my hair, but it had hints of gold that simmered in the sunlight. My eyes were the same dark brown, but they looked different, more mature than before. I felt for the first time that I belonged as an alpha. Brett, let out a light gruff to get my attention and nodded toward the mud. I rolled as he did covering my sent.
We continued running toward my house stopping at the edge of the woods. We listened for a moment; it was still early and my parents were upstairs in bed. I glanced at Brett, and he nodded for me to continue. I quietly moved across the yard shifting for only a moment to open the slider, which was always left unlocked, and set the three folded pieces of paper on the kitchen table before shutting the door and shifting back. I moved again across the yard to the same eyes that beckoned me out the first time two months earlier.
It seemed so much longer than two months. I had changed so much, but everything here felt the same. For the first time, I couldn't imagine my life here. I couldn't imagine a life without Brett, a life without our future child. Brett, could tell something was on my mind, but he didn't push me to explain; he knew I would tell him in my own time; he just nestled up against me as we sat there.
We were there when my parents finally woke up. My mother was the first to walk down stairs. I could hear her call out my father's name as she stood in the kitchen looking shocked at the letters on the table. When he joined her in the kitchen, I saw the shock on his face too when he picked them up. They stood there a moment looking at each other before opening the letter addressed to them.
They both sighed as the read I was okay, but when the kept reading, realizing I wasn't coming home, their faces became less relieved and more sad. I sat there as tears began running down my mother's face, and my father buried his face in his hands. It killed me as they stood there holding each other in pain.
In that moment, I decided I didn't want to stick around to see my friends read their letters. Tears formed in my eyes as we turned and walked back to the car. We stopped at the creek to wash the mud off before traveling the rest of the way to the car. We were both so engulfed in pain that we walked right into the clearing having not noticed those waiting for us.