Sanity

Chapter Twelve: Delusion Part One

"Everyone please be quiet." Dr. Blake instructed the circle of individuals. "We are here today to give each other encouragement. This is a safe zone." She spoke as if she was talking to a classroom of students. "Ms. Harrison please introduce yourself."

"Hello," I spoke firmly. "My name is Samantha Harrison. I am Seventeen and that's really all you need to know about me." I looked at Dr. Blake waiting for her to continue, but she motioned for me to remain talking. I smiled sarcastically before adding, "And I'm here because these people don't believe I ran away to be with my fiancé."

The room perked up, obviously curious. I couldn't imagine they had much going on in this place, and their eyes begged for a good story. One woman with grey hair perked up. Her mind visibly wandered to a love of her own. Her smile brought thoughts of Brett to my mind, how he made me smile.

"Debbie, would you like to share?" Dr. Blake looked over to the grey haired woman.

"Yes, Fae. I will share." She paused for a moment. "My husband was by to see me the other day. He brought me a new book. I do miss him so." The woman frowned at that. "When I leave this place, he says he will whisk me away somewhere for a while. I do hope that is soon."

"Debbie you remember your husband isn't with us anymore. He passed of a heart attack three months ago." Dr. Blake frowned before glancing over at me. She was obviously trying to use this woman to tell me something. I looked over at Debbie a tear running down her face.

A few other people shared before the group session was over. I had been in this place a week. Every day was the same, but still everyday seemed worse than the last.

7:00 AM Wake Up

8:00 AM Breakfast

9:00 AM Mail

10:00 AM- 12:00 PM Private Sessions

12:30 PM Lunch

2:00 PM- 4:00 PM Game Rooms

4:30 PM- 5:30 PM Group Sessions

6:00 PM Dinner

7:00 PM Private Time

9:00 PM Lights Out

The routine was getting to me. I hated it. I felt half asleep all through the day and barley slept at night, hoping Brett would come for me. Dr. Blake persisted everyday trying to get me to open up, but I knew as soon as I did, she would find some doubt and tell me none of it was real.

I couldn't have that. I already doubted myself no matter how hard I tried to stay true. The way the nurses and doctors looked at me and how crazy everyone else in here obviously was only added my doubts.

Once I even heard a couple nurses talking saying how sad it was that a young, beautiful girl like me was in this place, that I was "so inherently oblivious." I cried myself to sleep that night. Brett, no matter how messed up the situation was, was the best thing that had ever happened to me. My only hope was to cling to the memories and believe he would save me.

***

"Ms. Harrison." Dr. Blake called from her door as poor Debbie sat back down in the game room taking a tissue to her smeared make up. I walked into the office sitting in my usual seat.

"Ms. Harrison, I want to add another medication to your schedule. I know you aren't sleeping, and I believe that is why you've been so rash." She paused. She was referring to my tempered outbursts with her and the other staff about leaving.

"Dr. Blake, I am rash because I am being held against my will. I do not take kindly to being told I am crazy doc, being treated as if I have done something wrong as you pump me full of meds to 'fix' me." I glare at her.

"See Samantha, this is the kind of behavior I am referring to." I scoff before she continues. "You have been distant, and we are only worried for you." She extends her hand, placing it on my shoulder, and I let her.

It is hopeless. No matter what I say or do, they are not going to let me out of here until I admit I am wrong, that I imagined it all. I stop fighting though I say no more for the day. I take the pill they hand me before bed and sleep. Really sleep.

***

I woke up wrapped in Brett's arms as I lay in a pack hospital bed. I start to sob in relief waking Brett up.

"Oh Samantha, you're awake thank god. Everything is okay, your home." He cooed holding me tight. "Go back to sleep you need rest."

"I love you, Brett." I said lying my head back down on his chest.

"I love you too, Sam." He said kissing my forehead lightly as I closed my eyes.

Just as soon as I had felt safe, I heard that dreadful sound. Static came over the P.A. and a voice sounded a wakeup call. It happened so fast. That warm rug pulled out from under me. I collapsed in tears sliding down against the bed. It was a dream, and now I was back in this awful place, alone, not knowing if I would ever see Brett again, fearing he wasn't real to begin with.

I refused to leave my room when last call was made. I couldn't even make myself stand from where I had collapsed when finally two orderlies came and dragged me from my room. I didn't eat breakfast and when Dr. Blake called me into her office, I didn't even look at her. Lunch was served and again I didn't eat, group came and I didn't speak, by the time dinner came around all of the nurses were watching me as I got a plate and sat down simply staring at the food.

When lights out was called and medicine was handed out, I refused only to be held down and forced to take the pills. Again I laid in bed falling asleep no matter how hard I tried to stay awake. When my eye shut the same dreams of Brett flooded my thoughts and the same P.A. destroyed them.

After another week in this place dreaming of Brett each night, I couldn't take it anymore, so when I was called into Dr. Blake's office that day, I told it all. I sobbed and hid my face telling her how I loved this man, this werewolf, how I had let myself believe it was true and how much it hurt to say it wasn't.

When I was finished, she simply sat there giving me a sympathetic smile as she wrote in my file. When she was done she told me she would be increasing the dose of my anti-depressant, and we would see how I was doing from there. She dismissed me, and I walked out, tears still running down my face, noticing then that Debbie was saying her goodbyes.