Sanity

Chapter Fourteen: Justification Part One

The air was crisp that morning; the frost crunching as I stepped. Just like every school morning was before; I left the house early to find Wit and bum a cig before the bus came. I scuffed my feet on the gravel tired from the medication I was on. I didn't live in the school district, so I walked a mile to the nearest bus stop in a neighborhood on the main road. The houses lined up in a way that reminded me of the pack grounds that I tried so hard to forget.

The subdivision backed up to the woods where everyone met before school to let of some steam. Wit sat on an old pile of tires, like she always did. Her fake blond hair was pulled into a braid, and she was wearing a tight pair of jeans and a shirt that didn't cover much. She was between a couple of doughebags.

As I approached, the boys didn't leave like they always had before. They weren't intimidated by me anymore; I was just a crazy, broken girl now. They stared at me as Wit smiled and offered me a cigarette. I took it, but I found myself hesitating to light it. Thinking of little Lucy and all the other people who had looked up to me, even knowing they didn't exist, I felt a responsibility to their memory, to the woman I was. I handed back the cigarette with a quick "never mind" and a sad look shared between Wit and I. We started smoking together, and it was something we always did together, this was just another reminder of how different everything was.

Eventually Russ and Mitch walked up to the group. Russ joked with Wit, but oddly left me out of the fun. Mitch simply stood by me, but he had always been quiet. That wasn't what made things different between us; it was the declaration of love he made and that we both knew my heart still belonged to Brett. Jason on the other hand avoided me all together. I guess being so utterly sober made him uncomfortable.

When the bus pulled up, we all pilled in as they talked about some party that night. They offered me an invitation, but I declined telling them my parents still wouldn't let me out of their sight, and though this was very true, it wasn't the reason I couldn't go. I didn't want to. I wouldn't drink or smoke or take anything, and being there around a bunch of intoxicated teenagers didn't sound appealing.

When we arrived at school, we all went our separate ways. I found myself able to concentrate and actually doing quite well in my classes the past week or so. I used the work to feel normal to take my mind off everything else. I felt like I was at least doing something productive.

***

The day was finally over, and the bus dropped us off. I said my goodbyes as I headed home while everyone else headed to Wit's house. I felt left out, not that I wanted to go to the party, but in that moment, I realized that would always be what they did, and I would always find myself walking home alone. Mitch and Wit may try to be my friends, but they were clinging to a Sammy that no longer existed. I know they thought that once my parents let up, that once I adjusted, things would go back to the way they were. That wouldn't happen. I couldn't go back to that girl with no care or responsibility, lie after lie about where I had been or what I was doing, that girl with no thoughts of the future, family, or one day settling down. I had no idea how life would look without Brett as my husband and my someday children's father, but I still wanted those things. I wanted to help people, to be a role model, to make a difference. I had felt the joy in those simple things, I had felt needed, and nothing else seemed to feel worthwhile.

I kicked the gravel as I walked home. I may have gone back to a place I had always lived with people I always known, but I would have to start over. Once I thought about staying close to home after school, I mean why not, but now I couldn't see a life here. I would always be the girl who went crazy, the girl who got kidnapped, the girl that used to be the life of the party, the girl that used to be respected, and the girl that used to have a bunch of friends. I needed to start over somewhere else. Sure it was good for me to get back in my old routine, but eventually I would get better and need to leave. Because though I would get better, I would never be the same.

I looked up at the sky and reveled in its beauty, something I never did before. The whole "werewolf" experience gave me an appreciation for the world around me. The dust on the road, the trees and their leaves, the smell of wild flowers, the smell..... wait, that smell. I knew that smell. "Was that... No it couldn't be." I thought as I scanned the trees.

There they were, those eyes, catching the light. Over and over I told myself they weren't real, but as I blinked and shook my head, they didn't go away. We stared at each other, him in the trees and me standing in the middle of the road. Tears traveled down my checks, but a smile found its way to my lips. "Brett." I murmured. The figure slowly changed and stepped to the edge of the trees.

I ran to him leaving every other thought there in the road. He embraced me his warm arms wrapping around me, and I let out a deep cry into his shoulder.

"I know." He cooed. "I'm so sorry, Samantha."

"Wha-What happened? Why di-did you not find me? I was.... I was so afraid. They told me you weren't real."

"I would have come sooner, but it wasn't safe. I am so sorry you were alone, but I'm here now." He squeezed me tight. "Come on let's get somewhere we can talk."

I started to walk with him, but then stopped dead. What if I was being kidnapped again? What if he wasn't real? My parents, I told them I would come straight home. Brett looked at me as his face grew sad.

"You don't want to leave with me." It wasn't a question.

"I want to know you're real." I cried this time sad and confused tears.

"Go home Samantha, think about what you want. There isn't any way for me to prove to you that I am real. I will wait in the woods behind your house as long as you need." He shifted and walked deeper into the woods.

I didn't want him to leave. I wanted him to walk home with me. I wanted to introduce him to my parents, to see the look on their faces and hear their apologies, but that isn't how it happened.

When I walked in the door, I was greeted by my mom's smiling face. She sat on the couch with the remote in hand.

"How was your day?"

"It was fine." I said trying to put on a happy face.

"Want to watch a movie your dad is going to be at work late?" She looked hopeful. I could tell things weren't all great between her and my dad since I came back.

"Yeah, but I want to shower first." I did want to spend time with her, but I needed some time to think.

"Okay, just come down when you are ready and I'll order something in." She smiled.

"I love you, mom." I said looking at her.

"I love you too, sweetheart." She said a face full of concern.

I walked up to my room and closed the door. I ran to the window searching the woods. There he was coming into view just long enough to show me he meant what he said. I sat down looking at the ceiling. What would I do?