An Easy Friend

Chapter 7

I'm not going to school today. I can't. Not when Kurt is expecting a whole explanation for my actions yesterday. It's Thursday, it won't matter. But where do I go?...

-

Somehow, I end up under the bridge. Kurt's bridge. Kurt had said that no one ever goes there so I thought I'd be a safe place. Plus Kurt never skipped school so I'd be safe until after 3pm. It's only 10am right now.

I decided to examine the art on the walls. It took me a few minutes to realize that all of it was in Kurt's writing and drawing style. I noticed that the style was all similar last time I was here but never did I imagine that Kurt had done all this.

I pulled out a book and read. The rushing water underneath the bridge made for a calming atmosphere and the chirping birds seemed to welcome me into their secluded realm of peace.

I had been there for about an hour when I heard distant footsteps in the distance. I was sure it was Kurt but there was no way I could hide and leave without him seeing or hearing me so I decided to just stay put. I wanted to know what he was doing out of school so early anyway.

The footsteps got louder but underneath them I heard another sound. It sounded like sobbing. Sure enough when Kurt rounded the corner my eyes fell upon a devastating sight. Kurt's eyes were red, his face shining with tears, expression racked with agony.

I immediately jumped up and ran to him. "God, Kurt, what's wrong?" I asked . He looked startled, as I had suddenly appeared in front of him. After the initial shock he hid his face. "Allison what are you doing here? I went looking for you at your house and... but why are you here?"

I grabbed his arm. "Kurt there's no point in hiding, I've already seen. Please, tell me what happened. I can't stand to see anyone like this." He looked up at me. His expression told me that he was internally debating something. "Look, it's not worth telling and it's nothing I can't deal with." he said with finality.

I was taken aback by his harsh tone. "You can't just bury your feelings, man. You- you looked so pained and I-"

"You were supposed to tell me about what you did yesterday, remember?" he interrupted.

I hesitated. I knew what it felt like to not want to talk about the negative things, but sometimes you just have to let things out. This could be the chance for both of us. "Can we make a deal? I'll tell you about me if you let me about you."

Kurt smiled a tiny smile. "Sure. I mean, deal."

"What do you want to know?" I ask him.

He furrows his eyebrows as he thinks of a question. "Just to be clear, what I saw had to do with self-harm right?" I nod. "Why do you do it? What drives you to that point?" Under the seriousness I could see genuine curiosity. Kurt was a curious person.

"It used to be the way my father and my friends treated me. Especially after my mother died. That was two years ago. I thought I had gotten used to it enough to stop but lately it feels like all those feelings are coming back. It's like, subconsciously I know that they're never going to treat me differently, no matter how much I act like I don't care."

"How did they treat you?" Kurt asked quietly.

"Like I was unimportant. They would say things like, 'We love you.' and 'You're our best friend.' but they never made me feel like they meant it."

Kurt's expression had gone weird. He put his head down and his shoulders slipped forward. "Oh god. That's what happened to me."

"Really?" I ask. I had not expected something like this.

"Well, not exactly. After my parents got divorced, I had trouble with my mother so I moved in with my father. Then he kicked me out to other family. then they kicked me out and it just kept happening. Nobody wanted me. It made me feel like shit. That's why I live with Krist now."

I felt my eyes get teary. Seeing him like that, so vulnerable, made me feel so bad for him. I moved closer to him and wrapped my arms around him. At first he froze, not expecting me to do this. Then he straightened up and hugged me back. I began to cry. Something about this moment made me feel like I had to let it out. I can't remember if Kurt cried too, but either way he held onto me the whole time. It was amazingly comforting.

I calmed down after some time. I light drizzle had begun to fall. We said goodbye. But I noticed something different in Kurt, in the way he looked at me. I don't know what it was. I had never seen that look before.

When I got home I felt better. I felt like there was this deeper connection between Kurt and I.

That night I didn't cut. I didn't do anything. I just went right to sleep...