An Easy Friend

Chapter 12

A painful chapter.
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It's wrong, it's all going wrong. How could I let this happen? Everything was fine just weeks ago. Now it's a few days before Christmas and I'm as suicidal as ever.

Two years ago, it'll be three years on December 23, my mother died in a car crash coming home from the dollar store where she bought a new stocking because mine had fell into the fireplace. She left and never came back. Now every winter I get more and more depressed until that date arrives and I break down all day. I knew it was going to happen again this year.

What I did not know was that my father would bail on me. As I've said before my father had been ignoring me ever since the incident. But this is too far. After I hadn't seen him in days a letter arrived on my doorstep explaining that he had gone to Los Angeles for the holidays and did not know when he would be coming back.

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Being with Kurt made me feel better. His very presence is alleviating in every way. But when he leaves, when I can no longer look into his bright blue eyes and can't listen to his raspy voice singing to me, I get hit with an almost overwhelming wave of loneliness. I don't want to tell him and seem like a needy weirdo who can't be alone. But it hurts so bad to go back upstairs and into an empty, quiet bedroom. An empty, quiet house for that matter.

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When I am upset I usually remain quiet all day. At school my silence is always mistaken for, "I believe I am superior to all of you and that is the reason I shall converse with nobody." I get called names because of this. It used to be behind my back and I would find out through friends. But now nobody hides their insults. They proudly display their choice words around me, never directly to my face. And as we all know, the authorities give zero shits what the kids are saying so there's no one I can tell that can stop this.

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It's just all too much. When I feel something, I feel it immensely. And right now, I feel like I want to die.

I know it's a selfish move. I know it's the cowards way out But when there's this much pain in you, you'll do anything to get rid of it. Clutching all these pills to my chest, I write a letter to Kurt. I'm so sorry...

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violetcoughsyrup is the best