Paranoia (Zayn Malik) (editing)

Chapter 21: Full Moon

Luna's POV

Zayn stands in my doorway, leaning against the frame with a scowl printed onto his face. He's wearing a black turtle neck with charcoal suit trousers and a belt that I can't help but imagine unbuttoning.

"Don't be so miserable." I frown "It's just school, it's not even high school, it's sixth form."

"Don't remind me." His voice is low, grated "The only plus side is that I get to see you in this dress, with your legs out."

I'm wearing a simple black dress that stretches out along my arms and ends just above knees, my legs are out, but not for long. I gesture to the pair of nude tights laid out on my bed.

"It's spring, practically summer." He pouts "And you've got beautiful legs, spare me that at least."

I look over at the tights again, sighing "Fine, but if I get cold..."

"I'm sure I can find a way to warm you up." He looks through his eyebrows at me, his words pricking at my skin.

I grab my black laptop bag from my desk "What subjects did you decide to take?"

"Exactly the same as you. I'm not going to learn, I'm going to make sure your head stays on its shoulders."

"I really don't think anyone there is going to hurt me." I shake my head

"I'm not running the risk of finding out, Luna."

"Our dynamic is so fucking weird." I huff "In no other world would I be okay with you telling me where I can and can't go or following me everywhere. That's not a normal thing for a..."

I'm lost when I try to find a descriptor for him. He's not my boyfriend. Our conversation from a few nights ago rings through my mind, when his eyes were wild and my heart was pounding.

I want you to tell me that you don't want anyone else, I want us to figure out what we are doing here so I can finally have some peace of mind.

I came so close to saying love that night. It was there, forming on my tongue before he stopped me. Is that irrational? Falling in love over the span of a month? There is something about him I cannot shake and I don't think I want to.

"What is this?" I turn to him "At what point are we going to realise that we have to figure that out?"

"It's for you to figure out, your pace." He repeats what he's been saying this whole time.

I hardly feel in control of my feelings towards him.

"But it's not my pace, is it? It's not yours either. My feelings for you are moving faster than I planned."

"Is that a bad thing?"

I think about this for a moment. I know Zayn is willing to commit to me in whatever capacity I want, but there has been a nagging part of my brain stopping me from progressing us.

"I like you, that much is obvious and I know what I like about you, Zayn, but I don't get why I feel like this, so strong, so soon, and that's what I keep getting hung up on. I saw you murder someone, you told me that you've murdered for reasons other than the greater good and my feelings for you didn't change, not even for a second. Surely that's fucked up, surely I should be more concerned with your morality."

"I think you know why you're not." He breathes deeply in and out, pushing off the door frame and stepping closer to me now.

"I don't."

"Don't deny it, Luna." His eyes are steady, the huskiness of his voice hitting my ears once more "I've spent enough time in your subconscious mind. You like fucked up things, people. I think they make sense to you. You feel at home with them. You are intrigued by me because you know that I am capable of horrible things, that I have done horrible things, and on paper I should be horrible, but I'm not. Not to you. It satiates the part of you that you think isn't you, the part of you that wants to do things you know you shouldn't do. Justifies to you that its capable to be both, or maybe that the distinction doesn't matter, a good person, a bad person, what's the difference?"