Paranoia (Zayn Malik) (editing)

Chapter 32: Road Trip

ZAYN

I spot Luna's freckled arms from the crack in the door to the living room. Today is one of the rare days she woke up before me, and waking up without her next to me definitely sent a wave of panic through me that I wasn't prepared for. She's stretched out on a yoga mat in a cobra pose in a sports bra and shorts, and I take the opportunity to scan over her long legs as I lean against the doorframe.

I listen to the air she sucks into her lungs slowly, holding it there before expelling it back out moving back to lean on her knees.

"Are you just going to stare at me, Malik?" She jests, making her way to her feet and turning to face me.

"Well, I do enjoy the show." My tongue swipes out across my bottom lip "You look good doing that."

"Sexualising me this early in the morning, are we?" She takes a step towards me, narrowing her eyes.

I meet her the other half of the way, closing the gap between us and letting a hand press flat to the small of her back. Hers find my bare chest.

"You OK?"

"All good."

I press my lips to hers and she's happy for the affection, one of her palms pressing to the back of my skull. I bite her bottom lip and she pulls away from me, snorting.

"We spent the entirety of yesterday having sex, I'm quite literally knackered, I don't have your occult stamina." She rolls her eyes "Don't start with me."

I don't know what it is about the way Luna Ghost rolls her eyes, whether it's the specs of blue-violet in her irises or the way her tangled eyelashes flutter, but it magnetises me to her.

"I'm not starting anything." I lie, lowering my hand to her rear.

"Going for a run?" She ignores my advances, and I take the hint, resuming my hand's position on her back.

"No, I actually have to head to the base, more Luna-proofing to do."

She pouts, and I note how cute it is when her nose wrinkles.

"Is it silly that I'll miss you?"

"I'll only be gone for the day, doll."

"I know, but..." She trails off, there is something behind her eyes that she is refraining from revealing. An emotion that I'm not quite familiar with is "I'll miss you, that's all."

"I'll miss you, too." I kiss her forehead "I'll be back late, don't wait up. I'll come to your room in the morning."

"No, come in when you get back."

"It'll be late, you'll be sleeping." 

"I don't mind." 

"I thought you'd be happy to have your bed back to yourself."

She traps her bottom lip with her teeth and I quickly lift my thumb to release it.

"What is it?" 

"I know that you do it." She looks through her eyebrows at me "I've had insomnia since my mum died, but when you're there I miraculously have no problems falling asleep."

"I've don't put you to sleep, Luna." I correct her "I did it once or twice before we started dating, but not since we kissed. I've taken dreams - nightmares - sure, but you fall asleep on your own accord every night."

A soft pink that I wish I could paint across all of my walls settles in on her cheeks when she realises the reality of our dynamic. She's not wearing her bracelet, and her thoughts are hard to read but they are pulsing, and one is clearer than the rest as the dust settles. She trusts me. Love and trust are two different things, the same way trusting someone because you've got no other choice is different from trusting someone willingly. She loves her father, but she doesn't trust him. She trusted me before because she had to, because she couldn't leave. Now she trusts me because I've proved to be trustworthy. She hasn't been able to fall asleep because she has never felt safe enough to, worrying that her father would have an overdose in the middle of the night, or that Tiago, in an exhausted haze, would have a crash while driving back from his fifth night shift in a row, or that she'd never be able to do anything but worry about her family. But now, finally, with me, she feels safe. Safe enough to fall asleep in my arms, even though she knows I could kill her in a second. I already knew that she loved me, but this, this is trust.