#13 :: Who Killed Me?

8.

Rose

I couldn't believe my dad was dying. I thought he had beaten cancer. Now to know this it puts a lot of things into perspective. Maybe this weekend for everyone to sort out their issues is the best thing. I mean I know my sister and I don't see eye to eye but if anything did happen to her it would make me feel even worse. I can't remember the last conversation I have had with her and it's not us getting at each other. It's got to stop. It's not healthy.

"There you are... I've been looking for you... wait... Rose? You're smoking? I thought you stopped that?" Sanchez said as he found me on the balcony of our room.

"I haven't had a cigarette since Sariyah was born. But right now... I need one. Found a box in the kitchen draw and I'm puffing my life away... my dad... I can't lose him." I said as I started getting emotional all over again.

"Babe... all we can do is actually make an effort now. We have to make the most of this weekend." He said as he hugged me.

"You're right. This is why I need to talk to my sister."

"Your sister? Talk about what?"

"I don't want to fight with her anymore. A lot has gone on and I want to talk to her. Try and make things right."

"You think that's wise?"

"Didn't you just say we need to make the most of this weekend? Haven't you been saying this was a good idea and that I should try to build back a relationship with her? So now that's what I'm going to do you're asking me if that's wise..."

"No no no...I'm just saying...I don't want her upsetting you anymore than what you are already. Emotions are high. Just don't want you guys saying things you might later regret."

"Well.. I'm waving the white flag. If she wants to attack me she can. But I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve and telling her I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

"Yeah..."

"For what?"

"Erm... I've done some things. Things I'm not proud of. It's time I be the big sister I should have been."

"What does that mean? What have you done?"

"I... I can't tell you."

"Why?"

"Because I'm ashamed, because I'm a monster. Because I know if I tell you, you would leave me."

"Rose... what could you have possibly done?"

"Trust me. You don't want to know. Look, I've got to go find her. I've got to make things right." I said as I got up to leave but Sanchez stopped me.

"Wait! Look... Erm... it's late. Why don't you find her tomorrow morning. Sleep on it. Make sure you're sure this is what you want to do."

"Why are you acting so weird?"

"Because you're worrying me. Look, I want nothing more than for you and your sister to make amends. But do it with a clear head. You've been drinking Rose."

I thought about what Sanchez said and he was right.

"Okay. You're right. What would I do without you?" I said as I kissed him.

"Come on. Let's go and get some rest." He said as we both got undressed and got into the bed.

***

Zack

"Hey mum. I've been looking for you."

"Hey baby, I've just needed a timeout. All this with your grandfather has taken its toll."

"Yeah I can imagine. Mum? I want to talk about unc... Eric."

"No. No, I won't talk about him. Not to you. Not this weekend. He shouldn't even be here! I ain't going to talk about him. No Zack." My mum said with so much venom in her voice.

"Okay. Well... there was something else I wanted to talk to you about."

My mum sighed.

"And what's that Zack?"

"My twin brother."

She stopped drinking and turned to look at me.

"What did you just say?"

"I know I have a twin. But why ain't you or dad ever told me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Mum. Don't. Lie. To. Me. Remember? No lies, no secrets."

"How... how did you find out?"

"That's irrelevant... for now. Tell me what I want to know."

"Okay Okay... you had a twin... but... but he died. As soon as I gave birth to you both he died; he didn't make it. I don't talk about it because it's very hard for me to talk about. I don't like to remember it. So I just act like it never happened..."

"Like my twin doesn't exist? You know, I've always felt as if a part of me was lost. It's all making sense now. I want to see his grave."

"He has no grave. I got him cremated and on your first birthday and his one year memorial I scattered the ashes."

"It's like you don't want to even remember he exists."

"I lost a child Zack. It's not something I can ever forget."

"What was his name?"

"You knew about your twin how?"

"I asked you a..."

"I don't care what you asked me! I'm your mother and I want to know!"

"Grandma..."

Mum smirked.

"I should have known... so what else did she say?"

"Nothing. She wasn't even meant to have told me. I saw as soon as the words left her mouth she regretted it. That's when she clammed up and said she can't say no more about me or my twin brother."

"Zakai..."

"What?"

"His name was Zakai, had your names ready; Zack and Zakai."

"I've always wondered why you had to Zs tattooed on your hand."

"Yeah. Sorry it's not an amazing story..." I said making us both laugh.

"I was really mad at you but now after speaking with you. I still don't agree but I get that that's how you chose to deal with it. But just promise me mum... no more secrets!"

"I promise baby. No. More. Secrets." She said as she came and hugged me.

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