You, Always

Chapter Eighteen: I Love Her

"Go away." His voice, groggy.

"Open up, Josh. You know we need to talk." I say softly, in hopes he'll unlock the door.

"No, I said go away," Josh grumbles, jeez he's so stubborn.

"Put it this way. You either open the door now so we can talk about why you did what you did when it's clear as day that you love her, or I can stay here, knocking on the door until you give up and let me in any way..." I hear him groan and the lock clicks.

Finally...

I open the door to see him making his way back to bed, not sparing me a second glance. There's no point making useless conversation so I get straight the point.

"Why did you do it?" I ask and he looks taken back.

"Wow, you don't waste any time." He rolls his eyes.

"Just say it, Josh. I was angry at you yesterday because I had to sit with Mia while she cried because she's convinced you played her. But after today, that can't be the truth so just say, why would you do it if you're in love with her?" He scoffs and his eyes darken.

He's putting up walls.

"I don't love her, I just said it to add to the drama." He says in a bored tone.

I call bullshit.

"Why are you being such a goddamn coward? You can't fool me, Josh. Why the fuck did you do it!" I raise my voice.

"Because I was fucking scared okay!" He shouts back, "I know it's a shit excuse, I know that but I was scared." I don't say anything, waiting for him to continue.

"I've never felt like this before. It's always been one time things but with her... With her, I knew it was different from the second I saw her. Then I realised I loved her and I freaked out. I didn't know what to do so I fucked it up on purpose." His voice is weak, it's clear he's hurting.

"Is that what you wanted to hear?" His tone's now cold as ice. How can ones voice change from vulnerable to hostile in just two seconds?

"But why? There was no one around, how did you do it on purpose?" I believe that he set it up, I just want to know how he did it.

"I knew you were coming down the hallway with Cole, I saw you both come out of the principal's office. I skipped class because I was freaking out and knew she deserved better than me.

Kim wouldn't stop hitting on me and following me around." So I finally know her name, it's Kim. "I don't know what came over, I just had an idea, so I dragged her into the closest room in hopes that's the one you'll open. You know the rest..."

My jaw drops, my anger levels rising. "You dick! Do you know how selfish that was? You should've told her how you felt! You hurt her so much. I was the one who had to sit with her while she sobbed because she thought she wasn't good enough for you.

Did you even think about how hard it was for her when your first 'I love you' was after she found out you made out with another girl?" He looks at the floor and puts his head in his hands.

"I know. I knew I messed up straight after I did it, I shouldn't have been such a pussy. I should've just said how I felt, that's why after it happened I still went to see her. I knew soon enough she would hate me and I would have no one to blame but myself. She hates me." He wipes his eyes and that's when I realise he's crying.

Holy shit, Josh is crying.

"She doesn't hate you," I say and finally sit down next to him.