Afternoons

following her heart

My long friend isn't with me anymore. My heart breaks into a million pieces like glass thrown to a wall. If she were to be here she would grab a broom and attempt to pick up every last bit until she fixes all of it.
But no.
Her love for education is what took me to reach a new goal. I'm now a college freshman. I will graduate, and become a teacher, only for her.

I've said many time that I don't like kids and that statement will remain. I don't like them. But I remember 7th grade being my favorite year out of all school years. It was the year where everything unraveled right in front of my eyes. The year where I discovered my sexuality. The year where I started to know myself little by little.

I didn't like school but that year, I woke up excited everyday to go to that building. And I want to make students feel that way. To make them feel whatever Zoe felt each time she thought of the word education or school. I want to continue a goal she had for so long, to become a teacher and make people grow love towards education. I will be following what her amazing heart had desired.

I remember that her last moments with me were not at the hospital but actually at her house. She didn't want to be in a hospital in her last moments. She just wanted to be home. Her last conversation with me was very difficult. She had much trouble breathing and talking. She couldn't continue...
And I'm not thankful for her being gone but I am thankful that she isn't having to suffer anymore. And the thing is, I miss her so much. I feel empty without her. All the joy that was inside of me has been sucked out.

My birthday was just a couple of days ago, actually. I spent the day crying while my girlfriend held me in her arms. Eleanor has really been an amazing girlfriend. She really shouldn't be doing anything, it's not her responsibility but she still decided to do anything to help me out. I also have come to admit to myself that I am...

In love with her.

Just last year, around this time, I met her. Just last year I had become a senior. And time flies so fast, the year flashed before my eyes and now I'm here.
I told myself that I wouldn't go to college. I had said that I would have something figured out by the time I graduated high school but that was all a lie. A lie towards myself, coming from myself. I betrayed myself even though I am a bit proud.

I always thought I was too stupid to actually be good at something. Turns out I am good at something. I didn't know I had this "talent."
I never actually knew I had any talents. My family was not the type to be musical, theatrical, or anywhere in the art industry. So I never really thought about any of it. And if their is a thought of me pursuing that path then...no. Wrong.

I actually am good at writing.

What? Shocker. I know.

Growing up I hated reading. Picking up a book was like trying to pick up a truck with one hand. Maintaining my eyes on the words was like keeping track of time while trying not to fall asleep. I'm telling you, I hated reading with a passion. But then as I moved up grades. I would pick up a book or two. No, not the ones with pictures in them. Like actual reading books, with words.
I learned that I did hate some books. Like scifi and history. The most boring books to ever exist. I loved fiction, though. I also liked a few biographies. Not all. Just some.

And then I discovered that I could actually write stuff of my own. I was amazed by this new information. Clearly, I was a dumb child who really wasn't dumb but just-
Still learning.

So I have set up a goal to become an English teacher. This goal is set up just for Zoe.

This is one of the shortest chapters I've ever done in this book and it will remain like that. With a total of about 700 words. This was just a little filler of what has been going.

I do want to take some time to say thank you to those who read. It means a lot knowing that someone out there is enjoying my writing.

Anyways,

Remember to comment your thoughts. Criticism is always acceptable, always! (Criticism is not the same thing as hate, two totally different things.)

I hope you have an amazing morning, day, afternoon, evening, night, whatever.

~ Day❤