Afternoons

Zoe...

"I'm going to see Nancy, now!" I yell so that my mom knows where I disappeared to.

"Alright! Wait-" I hear her heels tapping against the floor. I see her appear from the theater. She was holding a bag.

"Tell Zoe I said happy birthday and Nancy that I said hi. I might be passing by as well," my mom says with a smile as she hands me the bag.

My face fell. I forgot to tell her. She doesn't know. She's clueless and I can tell her now but I'm refusing to. I'm still processing it myself.
Today was supposed to be Zoe's birthday. She's actually a year younger than me, she was going to be 18. Nancy wanted me to come over, I couldn't say no. Nancy is like a 2nd mom to me.

I quickly compose myself and put up a smile. "Yeah, sure."

I snatch the bag and run out the door. I couldn't stand there any longer. I felt trapped for a moment. A guilt begins to build up but soon dies when I notice that I probably don't owe my mom an explanation. Or maybe I do.

I arrive to Nancy's house pretty fast. I'm nervous and I don't know why. I feel like if I knock on the door and it opens it, it will reveal my best friend. She would throw herself at me, attack me with kisses and a big hug. And while I'm in her house she would pester me, make me laugh, do anything to just get a reaction from me.
And that this would all have been a dream.
But no. It's reality. And reality is upsetting, it sucks ass.

The thing is, in this house I don't knock. I walk inside like if it were my own. I own an extra key for this house. I just don't use it because most of the times someone is home. I walk inside and the smell of food hits my nose.
It was a beautiful punch to the nose. A good welcome.

"Nancy?" I call out.

I set the bag next to the door and I walk deeper into the house.

"In here!" It came from the kitchen. Of course.

I walk inside the kitchen. Nancy was doing some final touches on her dishes. I loved when she cooked. It's the best food. And to think that Zoe used to eat this almost everyday. Heaven.
I walk up to Nancy and give her a hug and a kiss to the cheek.

I was never the one to be affectionate. Once I met Zoe everything changed. She hugged me all the time. I used to be annoyed at first, it felt weird as well. I wasn't used to hugging or kissing or anything to do with human contact. The thing where I used to give her a hug and a kiss everyday in school, came from Nancy.
Nancy used to give Zoe a hug and a kiss everyday in the mornings until she had a new job where she wasn't at home at those times. So I took the role to give Zoe her daily love.

"How are you feeling?" I ask as I check out all the dishes.

I hear her sigh. I look away from the food and look at Nancy. I kept an arm around her for comfort.

"I don't know..." She pauses. "Today was my baby girl's birthday and she isn't here to celebrate it. At the same time I know she is resting."

I nod as I listen to her. "Today is a day of celebration. Today was special day, 18 years ago. You had your princess in your arms with your other love right next to you. A new life was born on this day and we should celebrate all those 17 years of life."

By this time Nancy had a few tears running down her cheeks. I wiped them away. I hugged her one last time before turning to face the food.

"Come on, I'll eat Zoe's portion, this looks amazing and I'm sure it tastes amazing as always."

Zoe's dad had come home early from work to eat with us. I have not talked to him in a while. At the hospital I only said a few words to him as it was not the right time to discuss anything else. We spoke some more during dinner.
It was all going great until I hear a knock.

"I'll go," Nancy said.

I stand up before she could, "no, you sit down and finish eating, I'll go."

She gives me a kind smile. I couldn't help but give her one too. I walk towards the door, my heart beating faster each second.
I turn the knob and I pull.

Mrs. Angelina Jolie has arrived.

My mom steps into the dining room and smiles.

"Hey, Nancy! Hello, Gwen! Where's Zoe?" My mom's voice was cheery, something I didn't hear a lot.

Nancy looks at my direction with a frown. Guilt began do build quickly. I should've told her. I regret not doing so. Nancy is most likely mad now that she found out that I haven't told my mom about Zoe.
Mom had noticed the silence and asked, "what's wrong?"

Nancy gives my mom a small smile and tells her to sit down.

"You too, Alexina," she talks to me in a more harsh tone. I deserve it. She also gave me a small glare which I accept.

Nancy goes on and tells her what had happened. I had to takeover halfway through the story since Nancy couldn't control her emotions. Who could? No mother could. Not me. Not Nancy. No one.
When I was done, my mom was crying. I wasn't surprised. These are the types of moments I do realize that tears are needed.

My mom and I left later on that day. We went back home, separately of course. We talked some more when we got home. It was a bit weird talking about my emotions to her since I wasn't used to it.
It's like opening up to a stranger. My mom is no stranger but in my world she is since I never really talk to her like this.

Things weren't like this. I remember being around 4, my mom would put me to bed every night before going to work. She would take me out for icecream, to play, to do anything. It only mattered that we would spend time together. Dad would come along sometimes.
By this time Galiana was in the family. 2 years old.

I don't know what happened but things changed quickly. Dad would never be home, mom began to ignore us, she would leave us with the maids. Then children. They only kept coming and coming and coming.
Sometimes I do wish to be 4 all over again. It would be nice.

~~~~

I'm 22 now.
Shit.
It's tough. I can't lie. I don't live with my parents anymore but I don't live alone. It's weird to think that things can change so drastically. It's amazing, really.

Yeah, I still have Eleanor. We do live together, but again, not alone. I also didn't continue with college. I know it's disappointing to hear but even if I did try I couldn't. It was not my calling. I said I would do it for Zoe...
I couldn't. I don't like children, why would I put myself in an environment surrounded by children?
I just got out of an environment that had children, I don't want to go into another one.

Plan always change and my life plan changed. Sometimes changes are good. I truly believe my changes will bring me good.

I do.

Woah! There has been a jump in time! I'll most likely be doing that often, I'll see. It all depends.

Is the book getting boring?

Be honest. Honestly is what I'm seeking for.

Anyways,

Remember to comment your thoughts. Criticism is always acceptable, always! (Criticism is not the same thing as hate, two totally different things.)

I hope you have an amazing morning, day, afternoon, evening, night, whatever.

~ Day❤