Her

20

AZA

Monday. Our lockers.

"Waiting for your girlfriend?"

"Shut up."

I give Ky an eye roll. He grins.

"So where's Phoenix?"

"Dunno," I say. "Where's Cass?

"Went to class early or something. She has to talk to one of her teachers."

"Huh."

"Are you still worried about Phoenix? She still hasn't answered?"

"I'm not worried. And she has answered. It's just that her answer was weird."

"Well, she is a little weird, right? In a good way."

"Yeah," I say. I don't say, In a very good way, in a cute way, even if I think it.

"I'm sure there's an explanation, like maybe she was high. No need to worry about your girlfriend."

"Phoenix isn't my girlfriend. And I don't think she does drugs."

"Maybe the food you gave her made her sick."

"So what? Now this is my fault? She doesn't talk to me because of me?"

"I was just joking." Ky laughs, then looks at me. "There's an explanation, Aze. She likes you, you know that."

I don't answer. The thing is, I don't know. I don't know if Phoenix likes me. I don't know what she thinks of me, what she really wants. You can't ever know what people actually want, what they are actually like. That's one of the things I hate. No matter how strong your feelings for someone are, you can't ever be sure that they have the same feelings for you. And pretty much always one person's feelings are stronger than the other's. Maybe Phoenix doesn't have the same feelings I do. Maybe my feelings for her are stronger than her feelings for me. And maybe I'm a dramatic piece of shit, but maybe that is the explanation.

_____

PHOENIX

Monday. English class.

"Sorry I'm late, Mr Foster. Overslept."

"Bad dream, huh?"

"No," I say. "Bad life."

It's meant as a joke, but I use the wrong tone, face, and everything else, so it just comes out wrong. He tilts his head a little. He tells me to sit down. The discussion continues; I walk up to my seat.

"Good morning, Phoenix."

I turn my head to the right for less than a second. It's long enough to make my heart beat faster. "Hello," I say.

Three seconds pass.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." I turn my head to the window.

Five seconds pass.

"Phoenix, is something wrong?"

"No, Aza." I turn my head forward, towards the board. "Everything's fine." I can feel her being about to say something, so I say, "Could you stop talking to me? I'm trying to pay attention."