Living In The Past

Hey stranger

I'm driving. It's dark, it's late, and there's no one on the road. I feel happy, serene, when all of sudden, something blinds me, and all I can do is hear "ADAM !!".
I woke up with a start, searching for air, drenched in my own sweat.
That's such a great feeling to wake up with your bestie AKA Anxiety. That bitch.
I took a few moments to gather my thoughts, and realised someone was knocking loudly at my door.
I slowly got out of bed, and the sun surprised me when I opened my bedroom door.
I walked toward the entrance of my apartment.

"Who is it ?" I asked to the stranger at the other side.

"God finally ! Adam it's William ! I've been knocking for at least twenty minutes !" My brother exclaimed.

"What are you doing here ?" I asked with annoyance while opening my door.

"I'm here to check up on you, as usual" he responded while entering.

We both sat down on the couch of my modest, yet cozy apartment.
An awkward silence slowly installed itself all around us.

"You just woke up ? It's way past noon !" My brother pointed out.

"I don't work today"

"I can see that. You should try to get out sometimes, entertain yourself a bit"

"I know"

"And ventilate your place. It smells musty"

"Ok mom" I sarcastically replied.

"Oh ! There's the money for this month"

He offered me a new envelope full of cash.

"I don't need it. I have a job, and I received a huge amount of money when dad died. You probably received it as well"

"I'm older than you, and I can tell you when someone's giving you money without asking anything back, you should never say no. I just want to make sure you don't lack anything"

"Thank you, it's nice but I really don't need it"

"Well the day you'll have a social life, you'll thank me" he replied with what seemed to be a genuine smile.

I looked through the window, avoiding my brother's gaze.

"It's been a year Adam..." he suddenly said with this emotion people has in their voice when they tell you "You should move on".

Annoyance came back.

"I know it's been a year" I shot back coldly.

"What can I do ? I tried to find you the best therapist, found you an apartment, I'm paying you visits as often as I can to try to cheer you up. Tell me what to do" he explained, with a hint of reproach.

"I know, I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do myself" I admitted.

"You're still going to your sessions are you ?" He suddenly asked, his face animated with panick.

"Yes. I saw her yesterday"

Silence again.

"Well, I have to go, but if you need anything, call me ok ?"

"Will do" I shortly replied before walking him to the exit.

We said goodbye, and after that, I just took my pills and stayed on my couch, drowning my soul with memories, sadness and regrets.
I tried to sleep all night, but finally gave up at four in the morning.
My shift started early on Mondays. So I took a shower, prepared myself, and went outside.
The fresh air was already polluated by traffic. I walked through the noise and the people for twenty minutes before reaching the coffee shop I worked at, the 'Smily Coffee'. I entered, and immediatly spotted my boss.
He was a great guy, very tall and skinny, with clair brown hair and a lot of of hairiness. At first sight, you could have said he seemed lazy, but he was dynamic and friendly.

"Hi Jake !" I said while going to the staff room to get my apron.

"Adam ! On time as usual ! You're so reliable that's good you know. I'm a bit late on baking, could you prepare the tables ?"

"Of course"

I came back and started to put the chairs back on the ground. I cleaned all the tables.

"Well perfect timing, you can start to put the pastries on the display"

And my day of work started. Mondays were always busy on Monday morning, but calm the rest of the day.

"Where is Jess by the way ?" I suddenly asked.

"She's sick today. I'm sorry you'll have to clean alone. I have an appointment tonight"

"Don't worry"

At six in the afternoon, I was alone in the coffee shop. I had to close at seven. No one was there and the moment I was about to move to the entrance to indicate the store was closed, someone barged in.
I started at him for a few moments, just to check him out. I already checked out dozens of gorgeous boys during my shifts, but this one was another level. Goddamn it ! He was tall, muscular, with tatoos scattered everywhere on his white skin, highlighting the muscles of his arms.
His muscular chest seemed compressed in his shirt. I guessed another tatoo on his torso from the black shape emerging from his clothes, right above the first button of his shirt.
Sharp jaw, designer stubble, silver eyes, and short black hair carefully fixed with gel. A god. Everything was screaming 'BAD BOY'.

"Hey stranger" he said with his deep masculine voice.

I went as red as a beet when he smirked at me.

"Are you ok ?" He added with a glint a amusement which brought life in his eyes.

"Hum yeah sorry ! Welcome to 'Smily Coffee' !" I tried to act casual, knowing I was red from intimidation. Fucking sensitive body !

"What would you like ?" I asked.

"Well, to be honest, I'm not here for the coffee" he replied with a hint a shyness.