Scared To Love

Lonely

I pushed my way through the crowd as the music echoed everywhere .

So here I am .  At the party . Entertainment . Everybody's dancing like crazy .

Things people do at parties...you wouldn't recognize them in class...or church...haha .

Finally out of the congested dancing  students , I walked to a place with less music and not so loud .

The wind was cold  but not so contaminated with sweaty dancing students and mates .

A short tree with broad shade was just perfect for me to take cover . I laughed and awed as my friends bust incredible moves on the platform .

Oh shit...it's Joshua

He appeared in the crowd almost immediately . Looking at him as he twirled .

Seems like he's looking for someone... Or me .

Looks Like he hasn't forgotten about his ridiculous promise .

" I'm getting you a girl "

Remembering those words gave me the chills and also put a smile on my face because it's kinda funny .

I covered my mouth to stop myself from laughing all of a sudden . Someone would think I'm crazy .

Standing all alone , under a tree and laughing for no reason . Yeah... Definitely crazy .

Hidden in the dark , Joshua couldn't see me and I decided to keep it that way .

Don't want him to see me .

I just want to be left alone .

A strange feeling to look behind me...I turned and gazed upon shadows in the dark .

What's going on over there ? Curious to know what was happening , I slowly paced to their direction .

I couldn't believe what I'd seen.

okay I totally believe what I've seen . This is SHS...things like that is normal .

Every student stood in pairs . A boy and a girl . A girl and a boy .

Friends...couples...best friends...or lovers ? Doesn't matter .
The fact that they held hands was so beautiful .

Although some were just friends , it was still a beautiful sight of love .

Wait...is that me ? Am I seeing right ?
I see myself standing with a girl...holding her hand and smiling ...

Then it all just vanished .

Oh I'm starting to imagine things now .

I felt the cold wind hit my body and suddenly changes my mood .

The heavy feeling in my heart . I've felt like this before...all so familiar . This feeling is not new .

It is sadness and loneliness . So painful and sharp . It pierces through my heart like a dagger .

I could see my old life flash before my eyes . The memories of Junior High School .

I never did like school parties ( also known as Entertainment in Ghanaian schools ) .

I had friends . Including girls...that made no difference . Normally , friends would just disappear leaving me .

I'd find a dark quiet place to sit or stand alone and hope the night passes by . That kind of feeling then...

That is what I'm getting again . That part of my past has followed me here .

My eye lids froze and I couldn't blink anymore . Lost in my own thoughts . Emotionally hurting .

I clenched my fist and leaned on the stem of the tree , wondering why I had to be so different .

" Who will I get to call my girlfriend ? Who will I get to hold my hand ? " I asked mentally .

" Stop it ! This is a school . You didn't come to find a girlfriend who doesn't exist ,  you fool ! " the voice in my head shouted .

I could hear it clearly now . The only one who actually stayed with me . My inside voice .

At this moment , not even the voice inside offers the words to console me but only the harsh truth .

Gradually losing my strength to stand , I sat on the rock before me and buried my face in my knees . Look at nothing but the ground .

The voice in my heard keeps me going but it becomes too hard too hard to bare and I argue with it sometimes .

" yes it's true I came to study...but I still need love because I'm just a guy "

" why are you so emotional ? " my inside voice spoke to me . My face felt  cold and warm at the same time as tears tried to escape my eyes .

The tears longing to flow freely . I've kept them trapped for too long and one day... One day I fear my tears will finally fall .

My thoughts of sorrow and loneliness being so loud , I couldn't even hear the four large Speakers blast with music .

My world had gone silent . imagine you're the only human left in the entire universe .

That's how I feel .

" No it's not a good look...gain some self control " I encouraged myself but deep down ... Deep down I know it never works .

Sometimes encouraging myself is just a lie I tell myself . It never helps .

I shut my eyes and sat under the tree in the dark , feeling so helpless while the party went on .

It's about to get a whole lot harder for peter in his school life .

Thanks for reading and don't forget to vote and share . Next chapter will be published soon .