Rising Flames | Throne of Glass

29

The sun rose, and began to set and hovered in the sky in between. Celaena sat on the stone, eyes distant and dull. Out of rage and despair, she started suddenly, letting out a moan and dragging her fingers through her hair.

She tore at the buttons on her shirt, and ripped the thing off, throwing it across the stone battlement. It lay on the ground, the edges ruffling in the wind.

She wished it were colder so perhaps she would freeze to death. But the warm breeze only taunted her now, caressing her scarred back and dancing down her arms. Celaena tucked her knees up under her chin, and gazed out at the horizon.

The sun shone upon her back and she knew it would be illuminating the healing tissue and angry, raw skin.

She was aware of what she was doing by exposing her back - but she didn't really care.

A few whip scars wouldn't make her any different from what she still was: a coward. A coward at heart, who had run from her kingdom, her people, who had neglected her duties - all for her own selfishness.

Fenrys was right. She deserved to be scolded.

She should still be in the labour camps with all the others, serving her sentence. Not here, with the Fae.

She didn't belong here, or there. She didn't belong anywhere.

Grief fuelled a sob which tore at her lips.

'I wish I had a better life. I wish I were Enya. No one knows about her. She's hidden. I want to be hidden,' she said, much to herself.

'Be careful what you wish for,' a voice said from behind her. Celaena wasn't bothered to crane her head.

Enya picked her way up the stone steps, and sat down beside Celaena, folding her legs. The wind blew loose strands of her own honey-gold hair into her face, and Enya lifted a hand to tuck them behind Celaena's ear.

'I want to be hidden,' Celaena repeated. 'But wishing doesn't make a difference anyway.'

'It doesn't,' Enya agreed. She wasn't looking at Celaena; both of them gazed forwards to the Cambrian Mountains, but Enya's hand was laid gently upon Celaena's.

'Why are you here?' Celaena said, still not turning her head.

Enya shrugged. 'I'm not trying to comfort you if you don't want to be comforted. But let me tell you a bit about myself.'

Celaena drew her knees in further and cast her eyes downwards at her feet.

'I was born in Terrasen. Kari brought me to the Silent Desert when I was a week old.' Celaena was too tired to ask questions. But Enya said anyway, 'Kari is the name of the Mute Master. He raised me alongside Ilias - he is like a brother to me. I was not lied to; I knew where my parents were, I knew where you were at the time, and that Kari was not my own father. But I never questioned against Rhoe's motives - all because this was to help keep you, and me, safe.'

Celaena's mind was no longer whirling with thoughts. The storm had settled, and she listened to Enya's story with her eyes closed still.

'Only Kari knew who I was. The others knew me as Erin Coulter. It was Ilias who told me of the death of Rhoe and Evalin. I ran away that day. Of course, he didn't understand.

'Kari found me by the Cleaver. I had been ready to jump, till he told me that you were likely to be alive. There had been no confirmation of Aelin Galathynius's body being found. He gave me hope.

'I took training more seriously after that. I was determined to find you, banishing the fleeting thought that perhaps you were dead.' Enya's voice was quiet now, quieter than the wind, and Celaena strained to hear.

'Ilias remained close to me as always. I had a friend named Talis, and perhaps we were even more so. Perhaps we loved each other once. We spent many nights on the rooftops together - because he only came in the evenings.

'Then Ansel came when I was twelve, with her snarling wolf's armour. We became friends, though she always preferred reckless action, whilst I planned carefully.

'I studied hard, too. I learned the maps and the cultures and learned how to read the stars. A year later, I told Kari I was leaving. He had been expecting this, and only wished me well. Ilias was heartbroken, but let me go. I promised I would find him again one day. Ansel didn't cry. She only told me to beware of the witches. Talis... was just never there.

'I took a boat across the Gulf of Oro and spent my days in Banjali on the streets. It wasn't easy then. But finally, I was able to get a message to Nehemia Ytger, asking her for assistance.

'She accepted, and this is how I learnt of the rebels in Erilea. I joined with little persuasion. Some rebels had slightly different motives, but the critical objective was to find Aelin Galathynius. Nehemia plays a key part in the rebels, especially as now I know she will be in Rifthold, in the palace, feeding information to the rebels.

'It is not easy working against the king. Rebellions and rebels are constantly being put down; we have to be careful. Especially I, when I look so similar to you, it was hard getting around sometimes. And though I may be an assassin... I tried to avoid bloodshed where possible. Let me repeat, Fireheart, it was hard for me, too.

'Perhaps it was three and a bit years when I finally left Eyllwe. Of course, over this time I found jobs, small jobs that would earn me enough for provisions - or I would fight, if there was no one hiring. I headed for Melisande, but both Kari and Nehemia had suggested search would be futile there.

'I was sixteen, almost seventeen when I came to Rifthold and met Sam shortly after. We worked together for a year, and with some difficulties, came to a conclusion: Celaena Sardothien is Aelin Galathynius. I didn't dare tell any rebels, not when it was just a hunch, but I promised Sam I would help rescue you. You are my sister, after all.

'Lysandra came to live with us as well. She's a lovely person, Fireheart, and hopes to start anew with you. She apologises for everything between you when you were younger. But even Lysandra does not know what I look like yet. It's hard, because I do not like secrets, but Lysandra never questioned me.

'Finally, a year later, we learnt your whereabouts. We left Lysandra with Nesryn, and came to get you. Wendlyn was the safest choice of the three continents.'

Drawing to an end, Enya removed her hand from Celaena's. The stars glittered dimly around them now, the mountains jagged silhouettes before them.

'And now we are here, facing new problems, facing Maeve and the Fae. Each route, each choice, poses new problems. It's hard, I know, Fireheart, but we'll get through this. We have to reclaim Terrasen. Just one year. If I can hold on, so will you. And we'll be there for each other if we ever slip.'

Enya kissed Celaena's brow and stood, and began to walk away. She murmured a sentence over her shoulder - and walked on.

'We all fight our own battles.'

Some, Celaena realised, were just less visible than others.

[2101XX]

ah all those deep quotes

sry this chapter was just a load of storytelling