Chapter Twenty-Three

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Brendon's POV

The music attempted to numb my mind as hot water tingled on my skin. It was hot like the morning sun on the back of my neck, or like chamomile tea when it trickled down my throat. Thinking about these things distracted me nicely. It was useless thinking about Emmett now. It was over. Everything was fucking over.

I squeezed a dot of shampoo into my hand. My fingers massaged it into my hair, and then my scalp. If I closed my eyes, I could almost feel him playing with my hair, my head rising and falling with his chest. And I couldn’t really open my eyes — I had soap in my hair. I didn’t really want to wash my eyes too. That would be painful.

After scrubbing the rest of my skin, I turned the shower off. The hot water stopped abruptly. It was cold this morning. Tuesday morning. I slammed my finger onto the radio, turning off the CD currently spinning inside. Music was kind of shit at distracting me. It just made me think. And it made me feel. I didn’t need to feel anything more than I already had.

My towel felt rough against my skin (unlike the fancy towels supplied at the country club). I wrapped it around my waist and opened the door. It was even colder in the hallway. And my towel and ankle socks did jack-shit to help me. I rushed to my room to get dressed. The cold seemed to follow me.

Since I was no longer working, I didn’t have to do much today. In fact, I didn’t have to do anything. I was probably just going to sit around, playing games and eating random shit (eating was the one thing that eased my pain). My mom was on a date. Coffee and brunch. Probably more afterwards. I couldn’t imagine fucking someone in the middle of the day, but it wasn’t a problem for my mom. Or either of my parents, for that matter.

I pulled on a shirt, and then some shorts that were hanging out of the drawer. They didn’t match at all — the shirt was red and the shorts were some ugly magenta. It was actually a really ugly outfit. I questioned why I even owned magenta shorts. After a moment of contemplation, I kicked them off and grabbed a black pair instead. Much better.

My lifeguard sweatshirt had been missing since I let Emmett borrow it on our sushi date. I wondered when he’d give it back. Maybe never. Maybe he’d make Donny deliver it. He probably hated me now. Even though I didn’t actually do anything to him. That was what made me sad. He was mad because I cheated on Jennie months ago. Months. I felt stupid. I never apologized to Jennie — something I wasn’t really proud of — but it had nothing to do with Emmett. If he had just left it in the past, we could’ve had something. I never even considered cheating on him. But I guess he didn’t know that.

***

My mom came home at noon. I was hoping it’d be a little later. She was a little annoying sometimes. And by a little annoying, I mean really fucking annoying. My dad wasn’t much better. But at least he moved on with his life. She’s just been in a sad cycle of dating random guys online and hooking up with them once or twice (before they dumped her for someone younger).

“Hi, honey-bun,” she sighed. I saw her in the dining room, placing her purse on a chair and running a hand through her hair.

“How was your date?” I muttered.

“He said he didn’t want to see me again,” she said. I almost laughed.

“Why not?” What’s not to love, right?

She frowned. It was becoming quite hard to keep my laughter in. “I told him about the divorce and I guess he got scared.”

“What part of the divorce? The part where dad left you, or the part where you shagged my science teacher four months before?” I laughed at my own words. She didn’t. I guess I was a little harsh. I’d always been harsh since the divorce. Having my dad cry to me in the middle of the night was more than a little wrong. Especially since it was about my own mother. And my science teacher. I could never look him in the eyes after that.

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