ABDICATION

chapter 48

I was getting ready to go into the royal court when the door burst open.

The Queen enters inside and look frantically around. The Queen eyes turn stone as soon as they fall upon me.

She hates me.

"I never realised he is keeping you longer than the nights." She taunted looking around the room. 

I stay silent. I haven't heard it first the first time.

"So you are his full time wh..." this was my limit.

"I'm not his whore." I finally turn to her and I didn't bother to bow in respect.

I kept my face neutral. I really don't care what people think about me. It's just irritate me when I'm being misjudged to this limit.

And another reason is, it concerns him. She is his mother, who probably thinking I'm behind his wealth.

I suddenly doubt if she would understand if I tried to explain.

If she can't understand her own son after being with him for so many years then I rather not even try to make her consider my opinions.

"I don't know what's making you think you are better than any of his whore. I know he has everything a girl wants. He's handsome and he's wealthy. He is going to be the king.. soon. But ..." she step closer to me.

"You are not special. You have nothing special.  He does this with every girl he is interested in. Gave her gifts, invites her to his rooms late in nights, gave her the attention she craved for. But as a woman,  I just thought I should warn you." She put a cold hand beneath my jaw.

"It's only you who will end up devastated in the end and he won't bat an eye. He don't care what his whore do after he left them." She tried to fake concern looking down at me.

For once I agreed with her.  Half part. I know it's true.

"Like Arianna. " she added and that broke the little spell she had on me.

"She tried to kill me. " I stated firmly bit didn't show much that I'm affected. Though I hold my skirt tighter in my fingers. I remember how much hurt her was when we met her last.

"Maybe it's the pity for you so he is keeping you longer than others." She squint her eyes as if realising it herself just now.

"What do you mean?" I got my curiosity high.

"He's guilty. You were almost killed in his watch. In his own room. By his last whore. He must be feeling responsible of whatever happened to you. Right now he is just letting go of the guilt he had in him. He might be giving you gifts more than her gave to others. Spending more time with you than he ever had with any other girl. Telling sweet things to you that would make any girl melt." She smiles pitiful at me and I felt a sting on corner of my eyes.

It's not true.

It's not right?

"You are not special." She patted my right cheek softly.

"You might be smart but I don't think only being smart would be enough reason for him to keep you longer. " she step away.

"Just wait for the guilt to be over."

She left the room leaving me hanging over her words.

What if it was really nothing?

Nothing special?

***

I didn't went to royal court today. I didn't eat any meals either. I didn't step out of my room. I hate to admit but the Queen was right.

She was so right.

I'm no one to him. I'm just a normal girl who met him in bad situation. I knew it from the very start that I would be left heart broken in the last.

But I didn't realise the phase would start this soon.

I got up and walked to the drawer. I look down at the anklets he bought for me.

He must have given many more gifts like these to others girls  and here I was wondering if I was that special.

I close the door back shut and walked to his bed. I saw the locket I gifted siting motionless on the side table. 

Here I thought it would mean something to him.

Walking to the window I observe the sun setting down. It was so peaceful last night. We both sharing our heart out. We explored each other without touching.

Maybe it's a sign that I should retreat back now.

Logically thinking, we have nothing to do with each other. Two weeks gone already. Within two weeks he will be the king and I would left this Kingdom.

We would never meet each other ever again.

He won't even care about me once I'm gone. I dint ant to be the only one suffering. Craving for him.

So I better get into the habit of living without him.

From now.

I feel a gush of cool air entered the room and I assumed somebody open the door.

"Why you are not taking rest?" His loud voiced boomed in the silence room.  He close the door behind him and I watch him, coming toward me, in the mirror.

"What's wrong? " his eyes scrunched when he reached behind me. He looked straight into my eyes through the mirror.

"I want separate room. " I informed him firmly making sure I made a proper eye contact.

His eyes stare at me for a moment as if he was analysing something.

"And you expecting me to obey? " he question me back.

I knew it wasn't going to be easy.

I turn around slowly and Walked few steps closer to him.

"Two weeks over already. Just two weeks later we will part out ways.... " I practiced those sentences for the whole day but suddenly I forgot what to say next.

He crossed his hands across his chest. He began to intimidate me.

Your mother thinks I'm one of your whore.

"Please." I looked away. I don't know for what I said please for. I don't know why my eyes stung. I don't know why for God's sake I feel like crying.

My hand was grabbed between two warm palm. They made me look up at him.

"Did something said anything to you? " he asked gently but I could see a rage burning into his eyes.

"Please." I pleaded this time. My voice breaking at the end. I felt the tear falling down from my eyes to his hands covering my cheek.

I never care about what people think about me.

Why now?

Why I'm changing so much?

"I don't belong here." I told him through my quivering voice.

His told tighten around my face.

"I know." His voice was so soft that I hardly heard it. His one palm left my cheek and went at the back of my neck. By a gently pull to my neck he bring my face into his neck. My arms unconsciously hold his ribs for support. I was hesitant to hold and I guess he didn't liked it. Next second I felt a warm arm around my waist which pulled me all into him. My arms went to his back while my cheek pressed into his neck. I could feel the tears slipping down but I could care less. My whole attention was on how right it feel, On how  much secure I feel, how peaceful it felt. Like he fixed something broken inside me.

But aren't we doing the exactly opposite of what we both should be doing.

"I still want a separate room. " I rub my nose in crook of his neck.