Make it Right

Aftermath

After the attack on Trost, you were shaken. The things you saw and the people that you've lost were playing in your head like a broken record. Seeing Thomas' face as he was swallowed, how mina tearfully struggled to escape the Titan's grip but failed.

After Jean's embrace you looked up at him with longing and fear and he shut his eyes and leant his forehead on yours.

"Did you know about this?" Connie whispered to Reiner who just shrugged. You made your way to HQ and cleaned yourself up.

You and Jean still weren't speaking as there was still tension between the two of you, but, both shared relief that you were both alright.

Jean couldn't sleep that night. First, he wanted to talk to Marco but he couldn't seem to find him. There was a request for volunteers to help civilians and he assumed Marco was one of them. He wanted to talk about you. He forgot why he was so mad at you in the first place. After seeing all the deaths, the titans had caused first-hand, he felt a sense of heaviness and indecisiveness about his decision to join the Military Police.

Of course he was terrified, he saw multiple comrades get eaten alive. But then he thought about you. The idea of you being out there, with the titans and if something happened to you and he wasn't there to protect you...the thought of you dying outside the walls without him was worse than the idea of him getting eaten by a titan.

Jean was determined to find you. He jumped out of his bed and made his way out. But as soon as he reached the front of the boys' dormitory he heard voices outside, one of them clearly being yours. He peeked out and saw you slumped over and Bertholdt sitting next to you. He had his arm over your shoulders and Jean's heart clenched. He couldn't hold it in, there were tears forming in his eyes of sadness and frustration, at you, Bertholdt and especially himself. If he wasn't such an idiot, you wouldn't have gotten close to Bertholdt. It would have been Jean's shoulders you were crying on.

The next day, you were in the dining hall with Bertholdt and Reiner. You were still shaken up, barely touching your food. "Come on, Y/N. You have to eat something." Bertholdt said quietly and you slowly brought the soup close to your mouth and sipped. "It will get easier, I promise." Reiner offered a light smile and you wondered how he seemed calmer about the deaths of the other cadets.

Jean sat in the table in front of you with Connie and Sasha. He looked at you with sadness and as you were about to motion him to talk outside, he quickly looked down. Your heart dropped. You missed him. You needed him. You told yourself to slowly accept that whatever you had with Jean was over and that moment on the wall was just that—a moment.

Two days later, Jean was assigned to help remove the bodies from Trost. He hated it. He wanted to go back to HQ and just wallow in his sorrow and confusion about what to do.

Jean was lost in his thoughts until he stopped dead in his tracks. His eyes widened and chest tightened. Marco. Marco was lying there. Half his face was torn off and he was slumped over. Jean's mind suddenly flashed back to Marco's smile, how he was always looking out for Jean despite his cold demeanor. How Marco encouraged Jean to lead and lifted him up. He walked towards Marco's corpse slowly, hand shaking.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?!" Jean grabbed the collar of a nearby soldier who was shaking his head. Jean let go and continued to stare at Marco's body in disbelief.

"Do you know him?"

"Excuse me, do you know him?" A voice suddenly rung in his ear. "U-uhm w-what?" Jean stammered but still kept his eyes on Marco's body. "Do you know him?" the nurse motioned to Marco and Jean nodded slowly. "Yes."

"What's his name?" Jean gulped as he was still trying to process Marco's lifeless body. "Marco Bodt." Jean states with no emotion as his mind completely shut down. "Get back to work." The nurse commands and Jean leaves without looking back.

That night, the 104th Cadets burn the corpses of their fallen comrades in a bonfire. You were slumped alone in the corner watching the bodies burn. Your mind shifted back to seeing Thomas and Mina die and you were in a daze.

"Y/N." You looked up, Bertholdt had his arm out and you took it as he lifted you up. "Let's get out of here." He smiled and you followed.

From the other side of the bonfire, Jean stared at both of you with anger and hurt. He quickly shifts his gaze from you to the bonfire and his mind goes to Marco. Watching the bones of his friends' burn, Jean remembers Eren's speech and Marco's compliment about his strengths. Mourning Marco's death and internalizing his words of encouragement, Jean leaves knowing he has a lot to think about.

It's the evening of enlistment. This was the time the cadets would decide which regiment they would be joining.

The Cadets are waiting while Jean, Conny, Armin and Sasha further ponder about their decision. A soldier then tells them to line up. Later, Erwin Smith stands before them in order to have the soldiers join his branch. He explains about the future mission of the regiment and even reveals the information about the basement of Eren's old house, much to Armin's surprise who wonders if Erwin has some hidden motive. However, Erwin also tells them about the grim future of a Scout Regiment soldier - in the last 4 years, 60% have died.

Your freeze. You begin to question your decision. Seeing the fear in your fallen comrades faces, for a split second, you were thinking of going back to your original decision to join the Garrison or even the Military Police. A life with Jean in the interior played in your head and your heart lightened. But then, remembering your family, how the Titans destroyed Trost, who would you be if you didn't fight?

When Erwin's speech ended and people began to leave after, you shut your eyes and prayed you would stay still. The last thing you were was a coward, and you weren't backing out now.

As Erwin dismisses the cadets, you hear footsteps leave. When Erwin returned to praise the remaining cadets for their bravery, you opened your eyes and looked around. Armin and Mikasa were in the front along with Reiner and Bertholdt which didn't surprise you as they expressed interest to join the Scouts. You saw Ymir, Christa, a shivering Connie and a tearful Sasha then your heart stopped. There was Jean. Standing behind you with his head up staring straight at Erwin. Your mouth dropped at the sight. You've never seen him more determined and you wondered what made him change his mind. As Erwin continued to praise the remaining cadets, your eyes were on Jean the whole time.

Jean knew he had to join the Scouts. He was afraid to die, but, after seeing Marco's body, knowing he wasn't there to protect him, the thought of losing anyone else was unbearable. When the rest of the cadets left and Erwin was back on stage, he saw your face as you spotted him. He wanted so much to run to you and hold you, to let you know that he'd protect you outside the walls. But as soon as you were dismissed, you were right there next to Bertholdt and his face dropped.

After talking with Bertholdt, you learned Marco died. You couldn't hold in your tears as the image of Marco's smile appeared in your mind. Then you thought of Jean. "J-jean.."

You were aware of Jean's relationship with Marco. He always told you how Marco was one of the few people that could make him laugh and how he'd keep him in check. You liked Marco too, whenever training was hard, he was always the positive one which you appreciated and got you through the day.

You whispered and Bertholdt looked down, "You should talk to him." You nodded. The events in the past few days made you realize that your pride wasn't worth losing him, if something happened to Jean and you weren't with him, it was worse than getting eaten by a Titan.

Bertholdt told you about his childhood how his father pushed him to be a soldier which is why he was more mentally prepared for death. You assumed Reiner was as well as they were from the same town.

Your talk ended and you made your way back to your room. Despite being terrified on what waited for you outside the walls, you know it was the right choice.

Opening your door, you were ready to pass out and rest as you haven't slept for days. But as soon as you walked in, you froze. Jean was seated on your bed with his head buried in his hands, then his head shot up and looked at you, like he's just seen you for the first time.