Blue's Healing (HIATUS)

Chapter 19

All I can say is...a lot was going on but I'm happy to be back. Love you all Mwah <3
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           My eyes remained trained on the pristine white ceiling of Shane's parents' house. I took a deep breath and dragged my eyes away from the ceiling to the faces of the other five people in the living room. To say, I was nervous to see their faces after staring up at nothing for over an hour, would be an understatement. There could be so many things on their faces at this point, but I had opened the gates of my world to them. I do not regret telling them, but I just hope with every fiber of my being that they will not think too bad of me and will treat me as they have this whole time; if not better than before.
            My eyes finally met the eyes of the person that I had the most trust in. Rose met my eyes with quivering eyes, furrowed brows, and a hand resting in her mass of hair. Her emotions were too muddled for me to pinpoint an exact emotion. I smile sadly at her and look to Zane to see he has his head resting on his knees that are drawn up close to his chest and is trying hard to hide his tears. I run my hands through my hair as move my gaze onto Ann that is sitting directly across from me. Her face holds so many emotions that it seems to cause her face to shift every five seconds. The most prominent emotion is anger mixed with sadness that was brewing so close to the surface that I was expecting for her to shout out at any moment.
    Danny moves quickly as he stands up saying, "I-I need a smoke. I'll be back..."
    His reaction was not too far off from what I expected from at least one of them. I nod my head throwing a smile in his direction before looking at Shane to see he is sitting in shock as his fingers twirl the fringes around the holes in his jeans. I hope this was a good idea...They all seem to be in a state of shock as no one has said a single thing besides Danny who is still outside finishing his smoke.
    We sit in silence for a while until Danny comes back in and says, "Damn..."
    I laugh out loud at the absurdity of that one word and do not stop till there are tears of happiness and relief running down my face. Everyone starts to get into an uproar as they notice I am on the verge of sobbing. I laugh harder as sobs rack my body without any filter. Do not get me wrong, I am happy, relieved, saddened, and exhausted. I stop laughing as Rosie is brushing my hair out of my face gently asking me what is wrong.
    I shake my head slightly with a smile and say, "I'm okay...I needed that laugh and I guess I needed to cry as well. Danny did nothing wrong, in fact, thanks Danny. I do not know why I needed to hear that word, but I needed to. I think we all needed to hear that word...damn is perfect."
    They all look at each other at I try to stop the tears from flowing but they seem to trickle out slowly as if it were a leaky faucet. Zane lays his head gently on my knee as he huddles close to me and I smile down at him knowing he is very similar to me and it was probably a lot for him to take in. I am emotionally and mentally drained, but everyone is telling me what they thought and offering me comfort that I really needed to hear. Rose still sat on the arm of the couch stroking my hair with the occasional scalp massage as Zane held my hand in a death grip. My vision starts to fade in and out as the voices around me become distant and my head lulls against Rosie. Tears slowly come to a stop as sleep starts to claim most of my energy. There was not much I could do as I struggled to keep my eyes open and Rosie notices as I bring my free hand up to rub my eyes.
    "Honey bunch, are you sleepy?," she says softly leaning down to peer at me. I shake my head, no, as I wanted to be with everyone a little longer.
    I knew it was silly to deny it as I could not see straight anymore but now, I did not want to. There was so much I wanted to tell them and to talk to them about. Sleep was not on my list today; spending time together was on the agenda. My lids continued to droop as my vision started to show me doubles. The world went dark and silent until I felt a warm hand against my forehead lifting my drooping head. I look up towards Rosie as she tilts my head onto her lap.
    "We can sit here with everyone and talk. Don't worry. I won't make you go to sleep. But I don't want your neck to hurt," Rosie says as she brushes my hair away from my face.
    I smile slightly thanking her silently before closing my eyes as I listened to the others talk and laugh. The world went quiet once again but this time I wasn't woken up until the sun had begun to set below the horizon. I woke with a start as I heard footsteps slowly walk away from me and my hand shot out to grab them.
    I didn't let go as I sat up saying, "Where you going?," as I rubbed my eyes with my free hand.
    I noticed I was no longer laying on Rosie's lap but was laying on the sofa with a cover drapped over me.
    "Oh, I'm sorry. Did I wake you, honey bunch?"
    I look up to see Rosie in  a new outfit and her hair; which was previously tangled, was now shining and slightly damp showing that she had recently been in the shower.
    Shaking my head, I tug at her oversized shirt wanting her to come closer.
    Rosie movess to stand in front of me about to ask me something as I lean my head against her stomach and give her a hug. We sit there for a few minutes hugging not saying a thing.
    "Thank you for today. I know it was a lot for everyone to have such a heavy story layed on them. But I really wanted everyone to know where I came from and how I grew up. There is a lot of other things that I left out due to the severity of it but I'm glad I was able to tell everyone about the main points and the events that really changed me as a person. I know that it wasn't easy for you to hear since you've taken care of everyones worries during the time while I was in therapy. Grammy told me how much you were asking about me, if I was okay and were the one who went to all of my classes daily to get my homework so that I wouldnt get left behind. I...I really am grateful to you and to everyone for welcoming into your friend group so easily."
    I pull away slowly as I finishing only to see tears trailing down her dark cheeks.
"Now, look what you've done. I'm crying again...I gonna look like a blueberry before this day ends," Rosie laughs out as she brushes the stray tears off her apple cheeks.
Laughing I say, "I didn't mean to make you cry. I just wanted to let you know how much I really appreciate you and everything you've been doing without me knowing," as I look up at her face not ready to let her go just yet.
"It was pretty easy; considering I've come to like you a whole lot more than I thought initially. I thought I liked you just cause you were a new face and super adorable. But, you mister," she pauses as she pinches cheeks gently before continuing to say, "have exceeded every expectation and are the most amazing person I've met in a long time. You've completely captured and entranced my heart and soul. I just have to work hard to capture yours...if I'm allowed to pursue you that is."
I stare at her shocked at the sudden confession and the amount of heart strings she just pulled.
"I thought you treated everyone the way you treated me. Plus I had no idea you liked me in that way, since it didn't seem like I was treated very different from Z," I say aloud as my thoughts seemed to be a little confused and I needed some clarity.
Rosie shifts running her hand through my hair as she lets out a strangled breath before trailing her hands from my arms to my hands making me let go of her. She entwines our hands as she sits besides me on the cream colored couch with our knees touching and random designs are drawn on my palms.
"I honestly thought I was making it obvious...I think everyone knows I really like you; including Zane. I know it may seem like Zane and I are in some type of relationship but thats because I act as his caregiver. Zane is bi with a boyfriend but he doesn't want his boyfriend to know that he is a little. I've been acting as a temporary cg for him until he gets the courage to tell him; then its all a matter of if his boyfriend will accept him and learn about being a cg or he wont...It's been this way since the beginning of last summer and I get to enjoy caring for someone and he enjoys being his little self without the romantics. It's worked for us but I didn't think about how it seemed to you since you haven't been hear for that long. I definitely treat you different than I treat Zane on multiple occasions but they have not turned out the best seeing everything his been a little hectic. But...If you are comfortable with it...I would like to show you how much I really do like you...even if it is little by little."
"Oh...Am I that oblivious?"
"Hmm, just a little bit," Rosie laughs out tucking the fallen hairs out of both of our faces.
"I...I like you too Rosie...But for a relationship I don't know if I could make you happy or give you what you want...I'm not...confident in myself just yet. I just got comfortable with hand holding, hugs, light touches, and what not. It is a lot easier if its you but I don't want this to only be you taking care of me," Rosie tries to respond but I continue saying, "I don't like one sided things, so until I am able to like you as much as you like me; I don't mind you "pursuing" me. Even if it is little by little."
Rosie lets out a heavy breath as she brings our hands to her forehead, saying, "Thank your, Miles. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Slow and steady?"
"They say slow and steady wins the race," I say smiling.
"Sounds perfect."
(Unedited)
Word Count: 2080