a commander's waltz

18. Shower

Madeleine's POV
After Espresso's parents finished talking to me, Latté took them away from the castle and to her hotel room. Once they left I immediately stood and ran upstairs to find Espresso.

"Espresso?" I shout throughout the second floor of the castle. As I walk around, I hear distant shower noises.

I got to the bathroom door and gently knock on it watching it creak open as my knuckles hit the rich wood. "Espresso?" I whisper. I close my eyes just in case he isn't clothed, but as I walked inside I heard no shrieks or shouts.

Slowly opening my eyes, I see Espresso in the shower with his clothing fully on. His knees were up to his chest and he rested his head in it. I frown as I watch his body tremble and shake. He looked soaked. "Espresso..." I finally whimper disappointingly.

I close the door behind me and take off the metal bits of my armor. I set them off to the side as I sit beside him letting the cold shower water soak my clothes.

His crying was faint but auidible. I rest my hand on his cheek and slowly lift his head until I met his eyes. His tear filled eyes and heavy breathing melted me. "I hate myself, Madeleine.." he whispered.

I shake my head and sit in a position more comfortable, "Don't say that," I gesture him to lay in my lap, he follows quickly. I stroke him and smile. "You're amazing. Even if your parents don't think so, I think so."

I shudders and wipes his tears, "I just don't even understand why I try anymore... anything and everything I do disappoints them and I just can't..." he holds to me close with shaking hands. "I can't do it anymore... I don't want to do it anymore..."

"You got this," I reply softly, I gently press my lips on top of his head, unfortunately he didn't notice. "I believe in you and I shall support you no matter what you are going through... you mean so much to me."

"I'm sorry..." he whispers. I hug him tightly as he coughs roughly. He holds out his hands coughing the blood into his palms and taking a shaky after breath.

I take his blood filled hand and place it under the shower head. After it was clean, I kiss the back of it and rest it over his mouth gently. "You do not have to be sorry, Espresso." I remind him, "You are so important to me. I would rather die than for you to feel this way."

"NO!" he shouted hugged me tighter than before. I could barely breathe from how tight he was holding me, "Don't go," he said a panic, "Don't go..."

I shook my head, "I'm right here. You have nothing to fear," I smile and pet the back of his head lightly.

His breathing was so unsteady I knew if he was standing he would collapse immediately. "Is this too cold?" I ask as he begins shivering.

"Can you make it warmer, please?" he asked. I smile and nod my head turning the knob closer to the red line.

Doing so, I feel his heart against me racing itself. I look down to him and finally put two and two together. "Espresso, could you possibly have... anxiety?"

I see the sad shock in his face as he slowly nods and closed his eyes. I quietly chuckle and hug him tighter, "There's one more reason to love you more..." I widen my eyes, "L-Like you more. E-Erm," I blush, "Like... a-as a friend, of course!" I assure quickly.

Espresso sighed and rested his head on my shoulder. "I'm tired..." he whispered. I noticed his breathing again, now. Shaking. Heavy.

I nod quietly and turn off the water, "Ok." I whisper back. I stand waiting for him to do the same, but he nearly passed out as soon as he picked himself up to his feet. "How about I carry you," I worryingly chuckle. Luckily, he nodded and allowed me to lift him up and dry him with a towel.

Once we were dried off, I tie up my hair and lift him. His legs clutched tightly around my torso. "And we're off," I smile. I walk toward the stairs slowly allowing Espresso to catch his breath and calm down.

I look over at him. He was already half asleep. "Madeleine," he whispered. "Can you stay with me," he asked, "Please?"

I smile softly and nod. "Of course."

When we arrive to my room, I lay on the bed as Espresso climbs on top of me and lays on my chest letting out a shaking sigh. "This feels like home," he whimpered.

I snicker and smile, "I'm glad."

"What happens after the ball..." he whispered. Suddenly the world fell quiet. Still. It felt like it had stopped rotating. "Will I have to go... home?" Espresso slowly looked up at me tears in his eyes again.

I frown and rest my hand to his head. I push on him slightly leaning his head back down on my chest. "I..." I sigh, "I don't know..."

Suddenly I hear his breathing speed, "No," he whispered, "I don't want to go home! I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK HOME!"

"Shh, shh..." I hug him tightly and kiss his head again. He still didn't notice.

"P-PLEASE!" he cried. I feel as his breathing slowly slowed down and his body weakened. "Don't... leave me..." Espresso closed his eyes and drifted.

At his rate, I didn't know if he had fallen asleep or passed out from exhaustion. I frown and close my eyes. I played with his hair for a while until I finally feel the tears in my eyes fall.

"I promise, starlight," I whisper knowing he couldn't hear me. "I will stay by your side," I kiss his head, "No matter what. I will stay with you forever and ever and ever... and ever." I close my eyes again and swallow hard.

I hold him close as if he were leaving tomorrow. I cry quietly like I wouldn't see him again. I kiss his head multiple times as if I would not be able to ever again. "I love you starlight," I whisper as if he was still awake.