The Pearl Of Great Price

Chapter 5: Longing

As the weeks passed, a companionable routine between the couple became established. It started at bedtime and carried over into the new day. At first, the bedtime pattern was complicated and discomfiting for Mary. She remembers that first night well, feeling completely on edge, having never slept beside anyone before, much less a man. Thankfully, Charles allowed her to change before he joined her in the room. She wore one of her nicer nightgowns, although it was nothing to admire. Just white cloth with a bit of lace around the neck and sleeves. A very modest and proper choice befitting the daughter of the King.

She recalls feeling agitated upon disrobing, with nothing on but her bedgown. Troubling thoughts about her body flooded her mind. So to calm her nerves, Mary moved to stand in front of the large window. From her vantage point, she could see for miles and miles, as well as the starry sky. Hearing the door open, her nervousness began to tense her muscles further. It must have shown in her shoulders, for that's where she carries the world's weight.

The Duke came behind her, placed his hands there, and began to massage the anxiety away. Then he drew her to him, as he had done earlier when they toured the estate property. Out surveying the property was the first time she had been genuinely hugged by anyone in a long time. People may speak hundreds of beautiful flowery words, but that one firm hug was her undoing.

That initial hug still makes her feel the Duke and his strong arms. It was as if the smell of Charles was still imprinted on her body. His muscular arms wrapped around her tiny frame, enclosing her in safety. A few tears eeked out from her eyes, and he carefully wiped them away with his thumbs tenderly, almost lovingly.

That was earlier, but now it is a different story. Now the two are practically laid bare in the most intimate setting. Seeing Mary's body undressed in a nightgown is akin to seeing her worst flaws. She has no illusions about either her body or her flaws. That has long been stripped away. No. This is something more. It's vulnerability. Being vulnerable is a weakness, a luxury she's never had.

To share herself is pure fear. Mary tried that once as a child, giving her a rundown castle in Ludlow. The hardships there were many, teaching strength of character. It also taught much-needed lessons about people. You see, people do not abandon those they love. This is her issue and greatest fear, being forsaken to a crummy, worn-out castle again. And the Duchess's most significant battle lies between what she knows in her head and what she feels in her heart.

Little by little, her husband tries to break through those well-preserved defenses. The first night, Charles hugged her, and they lay in bed. He even kept on his nightshirt and breeches. Knowing how nervous she must have been, the man didn't even try to get her to move close or look at him. They just lay there until they fell asleep.

As the week progressed, the Duke eventually got her to be a little courageous in turning to face him in bed. That was when he began a nightly bedtime chat, just the two of them. Who knew it could take about ten minutes to change everything you knew about a person? It started with his saying, "When I was a young lad, I was fond of riding my boyhood horse and enjoyed jumping. My father was a good jumper, and I wanted to be like him. One day I took my horse and made it race to the fence. The fence wasn't that high off the ground, just high enough. Anyway, I raced all the way there and tried to leap. The horse made it over perfectly, but I landed on the ground. My mother came running and yelling out of the house. I think she thought I was dead. I wasn't, just dazed and bruised with a broken arm. And that, Wife, is the story of my first fall."

It eased Mary's mind and made her chuckle. She could picture her husband being stubborn, wanting to jump. The next night he told her about the time he smashed his finger crawling out the window. He kept telling her story after story of his life, sharing himself with her. Speaking to her in ways no one has before, as if she were someone worth conversing with. It called to her heart, urging her to listen. Finally, Mary did, hearing what her spirit had to say.