The Pearl Of Great Price

Chapter 46: Help

Sleep is a golden thread. It ties the mind and the body together weaving an intricate web called health. It's the best cure for a lot of problems, especially ones weighing on the heart and the mind. It helps a person forget about the pain, problems, stress, sadness, everything— at least for a little while. Sleep isn't just sleep, it's a way out and a way into some of the most beautiful dreams. 

This is true, except for when those dreams aren't really dreams at all. Instead, they're horrific nightmares. These are the dreams where the pain, problems, stress, fears, worries, and sadness of life turn into ghosts. They haunt the dreamer during sleep and follow them around during the hours of the day.

Since returning home from the North, Charles has been haunted and followed both in the nighttime and the daytime. It's been difficult. When his eyes close, his vision fades blending into the events in York. Civilians fall to the wayside dead, the hanging of Robert Aske, but then it changes to the deaths of Sir Thomas More and George Boleyn. 

As the dream shifts again, it's The Whore. She puts her head on the block and that's when it happens. Her face transforms into Mary's and just as the executioner rears the ax back, a revelation happens. It's not the executioner but himself who's swinging it. She sees him and yells out "Charles!" He wakes up in a cold sweat... every... single... time. 

In order to stave off the dreams, he stays awake as long as possible, or he drinks. Neither of those options is good because it only makes him edgy and grumpy. One day not too long ago he was sitting in his office working on the ledger when his wife entered. She asked him a simple question. "Charles Governance Day is coming up. Will you be at it with me?"

Holding his head up from the books, his eyes connected with hers. "I don't know yet. Either I will or I won't. Now leave me be so I can finish up our finances." His response was very curt and unkind. He could tell he had hurt her by the sad, troubled look on her face as she turned around to leave. It seems he has been doing that a lot lately, disappointing her-- from his lack of affection to his disinterest in her affairs, or him not communicating with her in general.

But that was then and now it's only gotten worse. The worse happened when he was trying to exit the bedroom and Mary wanted him to wait. She placed her delicate hand on his arm. That's all she did, but he grabbed her arm tightly— too tightly. The only thing he could see was death all around him. He didn't hear her voice telling him it was hurting. When he looked down at her arm it was red and he instantly let go. There is a mark put there by his hand. In an effort to save himself from the hurt, brought on by him alone, he immediately fled from her presence.

That's what he's been doing ever since, fleeing. He finds ways to avoid her. The most common one has been to go inspect the border with his men or stay up playing games with William at night. They usually play cards and drink until the wee hours of the morning. However, that changed when His Majesty sent him a letter about a few upcoming Privy Council meetings. So he went to court early without a second thought.

Mary did not want him to go, but he went anyway without a formal goodbye. While at court he spoke to the priest about everything, especially his deep regret over the northern reprisals. The priest told him that the Lord has forgiven him, but that "You have to forgive yourself as well." This is the one thing he can't do. 

So he drinks, plays cards with the King, hates Thomas Cromwell, and refuses to go home. The Privy Council meetings have been volatile considering he openly opposes Cromwell, at any opportunity presented to him. So much so that one night playing cards, Henry asked "Charles what's gotten into you? You're very hostile to my secretary, you look like crap, and are drinking more than you have in years. Is everything alright at home?"