Your Never Fading Smile

Chapter 18

"Good morning Liam. Look who's back~" I had just gotten up from the bed and my eyes became quickly wide open once I had seen my brother sitting with my mom in the living room. "Morning..." I replied and walked immediately back to my room. I wasn't ready to talk to Oliver just yet. Even after all that thinking I did the night, it didn't help me to be mentally prepared.

How can I face him now... After what happened... He won't say anything to mom right? No... Of course he won't. Just calm down Liam. Think clearly. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my anxiety down. I have to face Oliver sooner or later anyways. I finally though to myself with a determined look and strode outside of my room.

"Liam... Could I talk to you for a sec." "Ah!" Who would know that he was already waiting for me outside my room. This anxiety of mine will be the death of me! "Sorry for startling you... I forgot how easily you get scared." "I-it's fine..." I replied trying to calm once again down while also trying to not look awkward in front of Oliver. Although, that didn't work very well for both of us. It wasn't easy to stay calm in front of one another after what happened.

Soon enough, I reopened my room's door and walked inside along with my brother. "I know that an apology won't be enough..." He began, as I sat on my bed with him standing in front of the door with his head low. "After everything I did to you, you still kept chasing after me. And I hated that. But when I saw you trying to drown in the sea... I couldn't help but wanting to reach out for you and rescue you." I heard him speaking with desperation and regret. Something I had a long time to see from him.

"The reason why I pushed you away again and again... The reason why I left the house...was you." I looked up at him in the eyes, questioning his words, his reasons. In return, I got a very hurting smile. "It's not ultimately your fault. But It's your epilepsy... If it wasn't for that, I bet we could be just a normal and happy family..."

"Oliver. Explain your words. To me, blaming everything to my epilepsy, sounds like a bunch of excuses." I spat with a sightly loud voice, already feeling the frustration of all those years getting out of my chest.

"When you had your first seizure, I couldn't help but feel envy every time our mom gave you special treatment. I felt as if she cared more about you than me. That I wasn't as important as you. I felt as if she was slowly leaving me behind. Even tho I really loved you, I couldn't stand the way things were. I tried to suppress those feelings of abandonment and loneliness. I truly did. But day after day, month after month and year after year, those negative feelings became slowly stronger. To the point I got sick of this. Now that I think about it, maybe it wasn't because of you, but rather because our mother wasn't fair enough to both of her sons."

I listened careful Oliver's speech trying to comprehend the situation. "I'm sorry Liam... I'm really sorry..." He mumbled again and again as tears started to form into his red eyes. I clenched my fists and took a deep breath getting out my feelings.

"You are wrong! Mom always cared for you! I cared for you! Why did you had to be so stubborn?! You felt abandoned? Don't make me laugh, I was the one who felt abandoned from you without even knowing why!" "Liam... I..." He began but I cut him off. "We are twins damn it!" A long silence followed after that and it didn't took long for our mother to come and look for us. Even so, I ignored her. I wanted to get out those feelings for once and for all.

"We were always together... Without knowing why, you suddenly stopped talking to me...and the fact that you refused to explain anything made me furious... So why... Why did you had to push yourself away from us without even trying to talk it through?! We always cared for you and still do!"

Mom who was standing still on the opened door stared at us with tears running down her face. Oliver grabbed the fabric of his shirt and looked at me with desperation. "I couldn't help it! I felt suffocated! I wanted to escape from your shadow and start over on my own! I never knew that my actions would lead you to a suicide attempt!" He yelled and his last words made all three of us to froze in place. Me and Oliver shared a look and probably thought the same thing. We are screwed.

"What's the meaning of this...? Suicide attempt?" "W-wait mom... This is..." "Tell me right now what happened!" She shouted as she closed the door behind her. Her eyes drowned in sadness and anger.

Long story short, we explained everything to her. Both me and Oliver looking to the ground in shame. "That's what you two have been gone through?! You fools! You are both fools, you know that?! Have you ever thought how I would felt if you truly died?! And you! Why would you even think that I don't care about you?! Do you know how worried I was?! You are both my sons! My two precious sons! You two are the only things that I have!" She yelled grabbing both of us in a big hug. "Don't ever hide anything for me ever again! I above all should know how my kids are feeling! You can always tell me anything! If I do something wrong you just have to say it!"

My eyes widened and tears started to form, slowly falling down from my face. "I'm sorry Liam that I didn't notice how you felt! And I'm sorry Oliver for making you feel like I didn't cared for you! But in order to understand each other, we need to talk to each other!" We remained in that big hug crying our eyes out.

That was the first time in years that we actually shared our thoughts and feelings.

And I was happy because of that.