Still A_Stray: Living With Stray Kids (ot8 fanfic)

Chapter 15

Call me captain, I do it for my crew now

Felix ambushed me before I could escape to my room, pulling me into his room by my wrist and quickly looking down the hallway before shutting the door. "Yeji-noona," he said, abandoning the carefree look he'd had with Jisung, Chan and me a minute ago, speaking in English. "We need to talk."

I frowned, worry creasing my features. "What's happened?" I asked, also in English.

He groaned, sliding into a heap on the floor. "Hyunjin."

I arched an eyebrow. "Hyunjin happened?"

"Yes." He threw an arm over his eyes.

I slowly knelt down until I was at his level, waiting until he peeked at me from the crumpled pile he had folded into on the floor. "I am your self-designated wingwoman, so ... care to elaborate?"

Felix sighed heavily, pushing himself into a seating position. "His eyes. And his hair. And his face. And that stupid freckle-mole-thing under his eye. And his eyes. And his—"

"Okay, yes, you're a hopeless romantic," I said, cutting him off. "But that's not it, is it? Ever since you told me, you've seemed ... distant from him. I hope I didn't do anything?"

"No. Of course you didn't. It's just..." he swallowed. "Admitting how I felt to you was ... the first time I admitted it to myself, too. It was a shit ton easier to pretend like what I felt didn't exist, even if it hurt more." He rested his head against the doorframe. "Now I don't know how to act. What do I say around him? What do I do? You have to help me, Yeji."

I snorted. He looked at me through narrowed eyes. "Excuse me?"

"Nothing, sorry. Just—" I covered my mouth to hide my laugh. "Felix ... you're a world-renowned idol, who probably has a networth of millions of dollars, and whose latest album topped Billboard charts, and yet—" my face split into a grin—"you have the love life of an angsty teenage boy."

Felix glared at me. "I'm aware of the irony. Can you move on to helping me now, please?"

"I can play some My Chemical Romance—"

"Please, Yeji." Felix caught my hands in his, looking up at me with those damn eyes that turned my heart into a melted puddle at the bottom of my stomach. "I have too much to lose."

"Okay." I rested my hand comfortingly on his shoulder. "I got you into this, somewhat; I'll help you through it." I paused. "If it helps, I don't think Hyunjin has noticed. He might be a little confused, but he has one of the thickest skulls I've ever seen. He's oblivious. Might be because of all that hair."

"That's part of the problem," Felix pointed out, banging his head against the wall. "If I tried to ... let him know, I guess? ... he wouldn't understand unless I told him outright. Gah." He covered his face with his hands. "I can't tell him. Ever. Even talking about it makes me want to bury myself until there's six feet of compacted dirt between me and problems."

I frowned, thinking. "Well, maybe ... maybe you don't have to tell him. Maybe this can be enough."

Felix peeked out from between his hands. "What does that mean?"

I sat with my back against the bookshelf, blowing out a breath in an attempt to order my thoughts into something cohesive. Since the side of the bookshelf was perpendicular to the wall, my feet almost touched Felix's legs. I reached out and pulled his hands away from his face; he sighed, then scooped up my feet and plopped them into his lap, crossing his legs.

"So I had a crush on Claire as soon as we met, right?" I said, and Felix nodded. "I'm the type that falls hard, and fast. The doodling-our-initials-in-my-notebook type. For a while—almost all of freshman year—I was pining after her, until I finally worked up the nerve to make a move. But even when she didn't know how I felt, we were still ... friends. We hung out a lot, talked to each other about pointless shit and shit I've never told anyone else. And I think, even though I'm pretty sure I'm in love with her, that would've been enough." I felt my lips turn up, the way they always did around her. "I could stand being close to her like that, even if I would always be wanting more—even if some part of me would never be satisfied. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'd rather be stuck in the friend zone than be strangers."