Still A_Stray: Living With Stray Kids (ot8 fanfic)

Chapter 38

As long as I stay with my heart

I cut the car engine an hour later and looked over at Jeongin, making no move to get out of the vehicle even though I could see the dorm through the mirror behind him.

Jeongin had his forehead pressed against the window, staring up at the house. "A couple years ago during our Kingdom performance," he told me quietly, "I was singing out of my range and my voice cracked during the final part of the song."

"That wasn't your fault," I said immediately, my voice gentle.

He shook his head, his hair falling over his face. "That mistake caused a lot of people to hate on our performance as a whole. People spoke out, saying I was the weak link of the team because I was so young. I—those were the worst days of my life. Without question.

"Channie-hyung found me afterwards." He was speaking to the glass more than to me. "He found me, crying, alone, hating myself. I felt like a kid—like a child playing at grown-up games—but he hugged me and said, when did you get so big?"

I sucked in a breath, because---I knew exactly what Jeongin was talking about. I'd watched Kingdom that year; I knew the part Jeongin had messed up. Claire had shown me the clip of Chan and Jeongin talking afterwards, but to hear it now, from Jeongin.... 

There was something hot behind my temples, pricking at the backs of my eyelids in a way that felt suspiciously like tears. I held them in. They weren't for me.

I can't even hug you anymore.

"He's a good leader," I said, my heart burning for Jeongin, for Chan, for everything they'd gone through and sacrificed and every way they'd helped one another through it.

Jeongin blew out a breath, steel glittering behind his eyes like glass. "I know."

-
Thankfully, when Jeongin and I got back to the dorm, the only people there to see us come in were Jisung and Hyunjin, who were watching something on the television, and Minho, who was prepping something in the kitchen. Jisung quickly paused the show, then tried to look nonchalant about it; Minho kept cooking, though his silence told me he was listening too.

Jeongin spoke first. "Hey."

"Hey," said Hyunjin.

"What are you watching?"

"The Good Bad Mother," Jisung said after a second. "You wanna watch?"

Jeongin smiled. "Sure."

"Yeji, help me with the kimbap?" Minho called, waving me over, and that was that.

-

Later, after the episode of the Good Bad Mother was finished, Felix stepped in to help Minho cook, prompting Hyunjin to suddenly remember he wanted to talk to Changbin about his rap for one of their songs. Felix's face fell as he left, but I knew he wouldn't go after him with the members all watching.

Seungmin walked into the living room moments later, his camera poised in his hand. "We are now in the most common habitat of the Stray Kid," he said in a deep British accent, snapping a picture of Minho. "Let's observe."

"Hyung, what are you doing?" Jeongin asked.

"Maybe he lost the braincell you all share," I suggested. "Wait, no, it was Chan who had it last."

"Very funny," Minho said dryly.

"Yeah, we all know Chan-hyung hasn't had the braincell in years," Jisung pointed out.

Minho opened his mouth to disagree, then instead decided to go back to cooking.

"Remember yesterday when Felix mentioned my a-day-in-the-dorm-life documentary?" Seungmin asked. "I've decided to resume it!"