Still A_Stray: Living With Stray Kids (ot8 fanfic)

Chapter 40

My scars, I will show it all

I was getting ready for bed when my phone pinged on the nightstand.

Claire. I looked down at my phone, my lips curving.

And the smile plummeted from my face.

No.

She's calling me.

She's calling me.

She's calling—

The phone buzzed again, so suddenly I jerked backwards, my hand going out to steady myself and hitting the nightstand. I was dimly aware of the glass I had there falling and shattering against the floor; dimly aware of the mattress under me. Everything was dark screens, red lights, call icons, contact name 엄마.

This wasn't like before. I didn't have the luck of missing it, not having to face the decision. She was somewhere out there, holding her phone, calling me right now.

I picked up the phone, noticing my hands were unsteady by the way it kept shaking in my grasp. You can't pick up the call. You can't. What could I say? What should I say? I hadn't seen her in years, hadn't spoken to her in years, hadn't replied to her attempts to contact me.

Still, though, every moment I stared down at the screen without swiping to the right felt like another booming footstep coming closer and closer to me, another nail hammering down my coffin around me. Nowhere to go.

Pinned, like a mouse in a trap.

The ringing cut off sharply as the call went to voicemail, suffocating the room with silence, and then—

And then nothing. The footsteps were gone and I could breathe again. She hadn't left a voicemail.

The pressure on my chest eased, like the weight of a coffin being lifted, but—not entirely. I could still feel it hovering inches above me, waiting. Waiting to close over me again, and this time, I wouldn't get out.

I swallowed, rubbing at the skin of my chest, like that would help lighten it. God, was I really seeing my life flash before my eyes at a single phone call I didn't even accept? I had acted like a deer in headlights: frozen. Even though I was the only one in the room, I felt my face burn. What would my mother say if she could see me now, freaked out because of a ringing phone. Freaked out by the mere mention of her, the mere shadow. Embarrassment prickled hotly over my face, and I realized my entire body had tightened, bracing itself for a blow that would never come.

It caught me off-guard. Why would she want to call me now, out of the blue? Maybe because she knew I was leaving soon, flying back to the U.S., though I didn't know how that was possible, and I still had a little less than a week.

A little less than a week. Damn.

I hadn't fully realized my time in Korea was coming so quickly to an end until Talk Time two days ago, when Chan had brought it up. Last thing, he had said, moving away from Jeongin for the first time since Jeongin had opened up to them all. Yeji, I understand that you're leaving soon—a week from today.

I'd had to check the date, surprised, and then confirmed it and had to watch as the members' faces fell in unison.

But ... we were going to go to the amusement park together, once we were done with evals, Jisung had said.

Maybe we'll still have time, I'd told him, hating myself for the crestfallen look on his face. Maybe it would have been better to just kick a puppy instead of telling them.