Still A_Stray: Living With Stray Kids (ot8 fanfic)

Chapter 31

Wednesday~

Counting stars like

"Oh, I have an idea," I said, dropping the pen I'd just been tapping against my temple.

Felix's upside-down face frowned at me from his spot cross-legged on the floor. "If this is another one of your ideas that involves trapping Hyunjin and me in an elevator, Yeji, I don't want to hear it."

"It worked in that one movie," I pointed out, shifting to grab the pen before it rolled under Felix's bed, which I was currently lying half-on, on my back with my head hanging off the side. When Felix had questioned the odd sitting position, saying I was starting to remind him of Chan, I'd explained that this was my thinking position and it helped me when I was studying for finals in college. Felix had been doubtful, but I reminded him he'd once hung upside down from his bed just like I was to get better skin, and he'd stopped complaining.

To be honest, I hadn't thought this hard even during finals. Felix had pulled me into his room half an hour before for an impromptu brainstorm session after he'd begged me for Hyunjin Help before danceracha's dance practice tomorrow, and we'd still gotten nowhere.

 "And no, this isn't one of those ideas, though they're perfectly acceptable," I  said, raising my eyebrows at him and pausing for dramatic effect.

He sighed. "Fine, what is it?"

"You both are sitting in a tree—"

"I'm leaving."

"Kidding!" I lunged forward to stop Felix from standing up, grabbing his ankle and falling off his bed stomach-first in the process. Felix frowned down at me, shaking his foot, but I held on like the annoying little gremlin I was.

"Yeji."

"Hear me out," I said, saying the first thing that came to mind. "You 'accidentally' leave your sweater or jacket or something here when you leave tonight. Come back for it a little later, and then I'll keep you here until you can tell Hyunjin it's too late to drive back to the dorm. You guys can hang out for a while, and then you ask him to draw you. You guys go into his art studio, he stares into your eyes, you stare back, touch his face, tell him you care about him. The end! Happily ever after!"

I let go of his ankle, sitting up, and held my breath, waiting for his reply. Felix said nothing, just blinking down at me.

"That's ... not a terrible idea," he said finally.

"Yes!" I shouted, leaping up. "I'm a genius! Say it, say I'm a genius."

"But what if he doesn't want to draw me?" Felix asked, his face contorting. "What if I ask and it just gets awkward?" His hand caught mine absentmindedly, reaching out for someone to hold on to.

My mind flashes to light-stained walls, hidden drawings, sketches of angel's smiles. "He does want to draw you," I told Felix, something akin to a smile pulling at my lips. "Trust me."

Felix chewed on his lip. "Okay, well even if everything does go to plan—what happens when he stares into my eyes? Will he say, 'oh, sorry,' and we go back to normal? Will I say, 'hey, by the way, I like you, and no, not like that, more than that—'" He cut off with a groan, covering his face with his hands.

I knew what he was doing. Knew this kind of reaction: going over everything that could possibly go wrong, so if it did, you wouldn't be disappointed. I'd done it too many times myself. 

"What happens," I said gently, pulling his hands away from his eyes, "is that you decide. Whether you can stand to be close to him and not have him know all of you—or that you can't, and you need to tell him. Either way, you won't have to be silent anymore." I thought of Claire, of the words I'd suggested to him a week ago: I think, even though I'm pretty sure I'm in love with her, that just being close to her would've been enough—even if I would always be wanting more. Even if some part of me would never be satisfied.