Still A_Stray: Living With Stray Kids (ot8 fanfic)

Chapter 33 ★

The moment when I close my eyes, I all I see is red lights

The members had a somewhat-early morning, so we all were able to sit and eat together. Hyunjin, though, was distant; he said little, eyes focusing on something far away. I winced inwardly, knowing the reason and wishing I didn't.

We hadn't spoken more after his revelation to me during that drive home—there was nothing more to say.

Jisung, too, was quieter than usual, never sitting still, his leg bouncing so much under the table it almost sent out plates crashing to the floor.

Chan said nothing, but as Changbin and I cleared the dishes, he spoke. "Jisung, if you want to stay here, it's okay."

Jisung shook his head. "I can't. It will send a message ... and it's just STAY there." I got the feeling he'd been repeating those words to himself for a while.

Chan nodded, though his brows were still furrowed—it was a perpetual expression on his face these days. "You're going to be stationed near the exit, and you'll have plenty of staff with you. If you ever want to leave, don't hesitate to do so." He looked over to me. "Yeji, you're coming, right?"

"Yeah," I said. "The manager has a seat for me?"

"Next to the exit as well," Chan confirmed. "He's also going to be near you, Jisungie, as well as Yeji."

Chan's gaze met mine, and I heard the unspoken words in them. Look out for him.

I wasn't sure why this fanmeet was such a big ask of Jisung—I knew they would tell me if it was necessary—but I dipped my chin anyway, and Chan's shoulders relaxed, if only by a fraction.

-

Sweet Jesus, this was a lot of people.

The last time I'd been in a room this crowded had been at the airport, almost three weeks ago. Strange to think about for a number of reasons—one of them being the fact that I'd been in America three weeks ago when it felt like years. But since the only people I'd really been around in person were Stray Kids, and people in the public places we went to like the supermarket, I hadn't been around more than thirty people at one time.

This was whiplash.

The space we were in was wide and arched, but the room still felt far too crowded by the sheer number of people inside it. Three hundred at least—more. All of Stray Kids' staff, extra security, and the huge amount of fans lining up before the stage the members were standing on. The air was filled to the brim with talking and buzzing, so many people shouting over one another and screaming that Stray Kids was here. I wasn't usually claustrophobic, but I was pulling at my collar now, even though I was seated by the wall, away from most of the clamor.

After the first ten minutes, I was sweating.

By the thirty minute mark, I had zoned out completely.

By the time the clock reached an hour, I was ready to find a rock to live under for the next year or so and cut myself off from the entirety of civilization.

If the members felt as compressed as I did, though, they didn't show it. They were all utter charisma, even an hour and a half in—smiling, waving, participating in the games and talking as easily as they would with each other. It was crazy, considering I'd heard Changbin and Seungmin bickering over which folding chair was more comfortable just an hour earlier.

I looked over the crowd as the members started a new activity led by the host, letting my gaze sweep over the audience. It was easy to forget, as I'd grown used to living with them, everything Stray Kids was to the world. This morning, they were just eight boys living together—one of which was my brother. And now ... I could see them ten feet from me, but I felt more distant from them than I ever had before. I was reminded, as I looked over the sea of faces who had come to just be in the same room as them, that they were idols. And just because I was living with them for a while didn't mean I knew every part of their lives.