𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

49

"Is there a reason why you won't tell the police about who kidnapped you?" The lady in front of me asked, Michael had set me up with a therapist a week ago and with each session the questions got so invasive.

I stayed quiet mostly,  but when she asked about my mental health I'd told her everything. How my separation anxiety grew, the guilt I felt for leaving Ace suddenly, the never wanting to step foot in my brothers house, the only feeling comfortable around Michael.

He didn't say it but I could feel him growing tired of my attachment to him. Like at this moment I am scared, scared that he won't come to pick me up that the universe will do another horrible thing and tear us apart.

"What do you view Michael as outside of a boyfriend?" She asked and the first thing that flew to my mind was my protector but then I thought for a minute.

"He's the um...the reason." I said softly.

"Care to explain a little more."

"He's the reason I'm here in front of you right now, he's the reason I'm not having a panic attack every 5 minute, he's the reason I am able to live the way I am. He's um...my grounding. Like...I can walk a million miles away and somehow it'll still draw me back to him. He was sorta like my guardian Angel but in soul mate form." I explained.

"Was ? Is he not anymore ?" She asked and I mentally cursed at myself for the past tense of my words.

I stayed quiet but I had a feeling she'd come up with an explanation on her own.

"It's okay if you feel he let you down about finding you sooner." She said and i sighed.

"Look I know Michael spent all his time doing his best to find me but nine months....My mind wonders did he ever really make an effort, was he really trying for me?"

"and that completely okay to think don't make those thoughts become farther than they are if you really love Michael that is." She imposed and i tensed up.

"I do, but sometimes I feel guilty ab thinking ab a life with me staying kidnapped." I opened up for the first time.

"Promise you won't tell anyone." I told her and she smiled a little.

"It's my job to keep your secrets Id go to jail if i exposed this anywhere outside of these 4 walls." She explained.

"Okay well my kidnapper wasn't all so bad, was he big and mean ? absolutely but he was like a gentle giant. His kindness went such a long way, he took care of me, he was patient with me, he felt like a real protector. He gave me whatever I wanted-

"Except the opportunity to go home ?" She asked checking me and I realized how dumb I sounded.

He took me away from my life to start a whole new one with him. That was insane but he was hurting.

"Yea..."

....

Hopping in the car from my therapy appointment I felt so guilty.

Michael noticed, "What's wrong ?" He asked.

"What were u doing while I was gone ?" I asked and he stopped for a moment before going into detail.

"First 3 months, I searched all over, I made calls, even fucked a couple innocent people up. The next 3 months, I was hurting, depressed, grieving you almost, the months where everyone had seem to gotten over you leaving but me. The last 3 months, I got myself back out, went to the gym, started selling again, tried to make my life as good as possible without you." He told me truthfully and I couldn't even complain because I was with another man, loving him and letting him love me.

"Does it bother you that I was loving someone else-

"You love him sos ?! Is that why you won't tell the cops anything ? Is that why you protect him so much-

"Michael he was all I had, I was alone with someone else for 9 MONTHS what choice did I have ?" I yelled.

"For fucks sake Solàna he's the reason Dantè is dead, he's the reason Von was shot, does that ever cross your mind when you're protecting him as he's some fucking Saint. Are you serious right now ? LOVE ? LOVE SOLÀNA, that hurts more than if you fucked him. I was at home heartbroken while you were out LOVING another nigga." He returned with the same energy,

but it was worse because there was some truth in his words. Loving him wasn't right...it was so wrong regardless of him being a "good person."

"God...did I ever even cross your mind ?" He asked and I wiped the one tear from my face and looked at him.

"Every day." I said softly.

He stayed quiet as he drove off, the tension in the car was so intense that even one word being said would lead to more yelling so I just turned to look out the window, silently crying.

As we made it home, he still made sure to open and close every door for me, still made sure to place his perfect hand at my waist as we made our way inside our home.

That's what I loved most about him, even when we argued, he made sure to respect me. So the fact that I still quietly went every where he went didn't frustrate him.

When we made it to our room, I changed into something more comfortable which was a very large hoodie of his while he sat on the bed scrolling.

"I'm um hungry, can you go downstairs with me?" I asked him and he just looked at me for a moment before going back to his phone and I could feel myself start to shake a little.

But I blew back the panic and went downstairs on my own.

I grabbed a pack of the pink buldak noodles, each movement my hands shook, especially on the water part until I felt a pair of large hands over mine, stopping the shaking.

"You will be the mother of my children, the young lady i marry so when i hear...shit like that it breaks me." He spoke calmly and I sighed.

"It wasn't intentional...the loving part. He was filling a void and no matter how I put it it isn't right. But Michael I thought of you every day, every second, I didn't once hesitate about leaving because to me our love was greater than all of it Michael. Micheal I was in love with you and still am in love with you. Nothing will compare to that, I wasn't even in my right mind, i um...my therapist diagnosed me with Stockholm syndrome today." I admitted to him.

"Is that why..."

"Mhmm." I mumbled.

"I'm sorry but I don't..I don't know why I'm like this Michael. Something's wrong with me." I cried and his eyes softened and he turned me around to hug him.

"I'm here. I'll help. I'll love you either way."

...

Authors Note