War Dog

Chapter 50

The next couple of days sees me in and out of the psychiatrists office. After every session, Ghost had found me in the training room hours later literally running my body ragged. The first time I stepped off the treadmill after the therapy session I'd collapsed to the ground in a sobbing mess as Ghost watched on, concern and worry lacing through him as he watched his War Dog fall apart. Helplessness ran through him knowing he had no idea how to help. 

Today however there were no tears, just exhaustion as I stumbled off the treadmill and dropped to my hands and knees and then rolling over onto my back heaving for air.

"Wolf," Ghost mutters crouching down next to me.

"Ghost," I pant back in return.

"How long must you keep running yourself ragged like this? It's not healthy. You've lost weight and you haven't been eating as much as you need to. I know I've put you on medical leave, doesn't mean you need to put yourself into the hospital. We don't have Dr. MacKenzie on site and flying him in or flying you home could delay getting you the help you need far too much for comfort."

"M'fine," I mumble between panting. Ghost reaches out to tentatively rub between my ears however I roll over and stand up, stalking off towards our room. I hop into the shower and quickly wash away the smell of dog. Ghost having followed me back stood in the doorway arms crossed as frustration flooded through him, a white hot frustration verging on true anger. I step out of the shower and dry off, going to stalk past Ghost only for him to reach a hand out and grip my upper arm, pulling me around to face him. Caught off guard, I stumble, falling backwards on the wet tiles. Ghosts grip on my arm the only thing keeping me upright as he steadies me.

"What the fuck is going on Ceri? You're a fucking mess."

I blanched. He'd used my real name instead of Wolf. He hadn't called me Ceri in months. 

"I'm fine, Ghost." I protest, exhaustion and fatigue flooding through me. I didn't want to do this. I tug on my arm, trying to pull it out of his grip. He tightened his hand, his fingers curling around my bicep easily, and for the first time I truly appreciated how big he really was. I tug again to no avail. I bared my teeth and growled at him. His response was to reach up, and for a split second I thought he was about to strike me. Instead he pulled off his balaclava and dropped it to the floor revealing g a face I had seen only the once in Afghanistan. I stared up into his soft chocolate brown eyes as his expression gentled as he released my arm. His hands cupped my face, a mirror image of what I had done for him during his PTSD flashback. 

"Wolf, it's ok to fall apart, but unlike you, I don't have the same senses to pick you apart to help you. You need to let me in. This is a partnership. You chose me for a reason. You're going to snap, Wolf, and it might be at someone who can't handle it."

"I'm not a violent dog, Ghost." He rubs his thumbs soothingly across my cheeks as tears begin to spill down my face. "I don't know why I bite..." The words come out in a soft caress of a whisper, and only then does Ghost pull me in tight against him. 

"I'm not attracted to tame animals Wolf. Your very feral nature is what bought me to you in the first place." His hand reaches up to cup the back of my head, fingers trailing through my hair scratching at my scalp soothingly. 

"Thank you," I sniffle. 

"Now tell me, what's going on?"

I heave a wobbly breath in and try to gather myself. "It's the Psych appointments. Javier is good, but he is a hardarse."

"Well, yeah we need you back out on the field as soon as possible, pup."

"I get that, but I didn't get a chance to sort of process dying. Or the torture surrounding that. Javier is making me face a lot of that. He's also touched on my parents a lot too. On the one day I didn't go see him, he came to find me. When I didn't go, he got some big fucker to pick me up and drag me to his office."