It Was Always You / Style Southpark

Im "Not"Gay - Stan

I pop out from behind Kyle, who's looking around very confused. "Boo," I say monotonously. He jumps a little and I laugh. It's funny when he's scared, it's oddly cute. Not in a gay way though.

"What's up?" He asks me. I shrug "Honestly algebra was just making me so bored I thought my eyes were gonna fall out of my head." He sighs. "Do you want to come over to my house and study tomorrow night?" He asks. I nod.

When we study it's more like he helps my dumbass and then we get to hang out for a while. I feel a little bad since it's kinda just him helping me the whole time but since he offered I don't think it's a big deal.

"I'm not going back to algebra today," I clarify. He shrugs "I figur-" he starts but then I hear footsteps and the jingling of keys. "SH," I hiss shortly. it's a teacher. I grab him by the wrist, pull him into the big stall, and lock us in. "Teacher," I whisper. The keys jingle louder and louder then quieter and quieter as the teacher passes.

I let go of his wrist that I just realized I was holding the whole time. "Sorry," I whisper to him but he just smiles, a little red in the cheeks. Is he still cold from the snowball fight? Geez.

"How long still left in class?" he asks me in a normal voice now that the teacher is gone. I look up at the clock. "A while," I sigh. He goes to unlock the stall. "Seriously..?please stay Ky," I say with a hint of whining in my voice. "Fine," he mumbles, even more red. Maybe he has a cold.

He takes off his sweater and lays it on the floor. He sits on one side of it and signals me to sit next to him. "Ky again huh?" he teases me once again about the nickname as I sit. I purposely bump into him with my shoulder and he chuckles.

I yawn. That's the other reason I wanted to come to the bathroom, I'm too tired for first-period math. I lay my head on his shoulder. "Mind if I take a nap?" I ask him mostly joking. "Sure. the bell will wake you," he replies calmly to my amusement.

So I shut my eyes. I don't know if I'll actually sleep, I have a hard time falling asleep at school. Just resting my tired eyes feels nice though. Of course, Kyle being a great pillow and his presence helping me relax is useful. I do end up getting a short nap.

I groggily wake up to the sound of the school bell Kyle stands up and I follow him. Until we part for our next classes. I have social studies (idk wtf I said his second period was or if I even mentioned his second period but it's my story so it's fineee). I sit down next to Tweek, my assigned seat.

The teacher tells us to work with our seat partner on some stupid map assignment. Tweek anxiously turns to me. He gives me a half smile with his lips pressed together. "You and Kyle are cute, it's co- cool that there's ano- another gay couple at school. it's only been me and Craig since like f- 4th grade," he jitters.

"Me and Kyle aren't together we're just friends..." I awkwardly tell Tweek. "O- oh." I chuckle awkwardly "Yeah I'm not gay," I tell him. He looks at me a bit puzzled. "Sorry.. uh- are you sure?" He asks me. "I mean- s- sure that you're not... gay? Or bi?" He adds.

Being Bi has crossed my mind. Shit am I? I've been avoiding thinking about this.

"I know this might- uh- sound kinda weird.. but I've thought you might be gay since like 3rd gr-grade," The blonde-haired boy twitches anxiously. "A- a lot of the time people around you know before you do.. my friends said they already knew when I told them.." he explains.

"I... might like Kyle," I whisper. "When I thought I might like cr- Craig I thought about if I'd mind doing stuff that we'd do I- if we were actually dat- dating. Like does it feel weird to think about kissing Kyle?" He asks me.

I think about it. Not really I guess. I feel myself start to blush. He smiles "I take that as a no? It doesn't feel weird?" He asks. I nod a little bit. "Haha... yeah it took me a while to realize that friends don't want to kiss friends," he tells me.

"Holy shit I have a crush on Kyle," I say. He nods. "Like I said the people around you know before you do," Tweek tells me. "Holy shit I'm gay," I add. Tweek chuckles. "Wait what do I do?" I question. Tweek shrugs vaguely with a twitchy smile.

It all makes sense now. I have a crush on Kyle. The farther and farther I think back, It was always him. It has never felt weird to hold hands or to think about kissing him. Little thoughts that weren't quite normal to have about someone who was only your friend stick out in my mind. Even when me and Wendy were dating. I gave in to the thoughts and kissed him when me and Wendy were technically together.

I always wanted to be around him and always wanted to be physically and emotionally closer to him. Never once did it feel weird when we'd be basically cuddling at sleepovers. His presence alone made me feel safe. I have a crush on my super best friend.

It was always the kind of crush that you have before you realize you have a crush on that person. It was a crush nonetheless.

"Wanna Sta- start the map?" Tweek mumbles. "Oh! Sure sorry," I reply.

The day goes by quickly with pretty much nothing else interesting. Just a usual mundane school day. Meaning, I have an abundance of time to let the truth that have feelings for Kyle settle in. I feel silly now for not realizing it. It makes sense though, I was always too busy with Wendy to even ponder the thought that I might like Kyle. Even as I try to focus in school thoughts of my crush on Kyle linger in my brain.

Finally, I'm sitting on the bus. I think about sitting next to Kenny to tell him about my realizations today but I'd feel bad if Kyle got stuck next to Cartman. I plop down next to Kyle. "Hey Kyle, " I say. "Hey, Stan!" He replies with a smile.

When I get off the bus I go straight to my room and lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I'm going to ask him out tomorrow when he comes over to study! What am I thinking? No I'm not. Fuck I don't know, maybe I'll sleep on it? It's only like 4:30 damn ittt. I groan. I think I'll have a beer.

( just so you all know I'm probably gonna torture u a lil (idk tho) so have fun <3)